1 Prologue

Eos still remember his childhood days and teenage years like it was just yesterday. He grew up in a small bario with houses far away from each, made mainly of wood, the earth as the floor with many parts of the house covered with cobwebs. Since he was young, he knew that they were poor, with his father working as a carpenter with no permanent day of work and his mother selling street foods like fishball, kikiam, barbecue and many others. He always help his mother sell on the streets as he went home after eight hours of classes starting from seven thirty to eleven fifty in the morning and resumes at one thirty and ends at four thirty. As he watches kids his age and his older brother play except him, he was envious. He questions his heart why does he have to be the one who has to suffer when he is the youngest? Shouldn't the youngest be spoiled, cared and loved but why does in his case, it was the opposite?

They say that life is a race, if you don't run fast you will lose. But sometimes, thinking about life, it is just unfair. Life is a race, it's true, but the thing is others are already far ahead before you even begun. With superior looks, talent, skill, money, power or connections, they can go ahead from everyone else, before you even take the first step, they are already running near the finish line. Life is a race but others can take shortcuts when you are not allowed because you don't have the ability to surpass others who got it all. For someone with average in overall with only hard work to push you, life is hard. It's really difficult.

When I was just a kid, I have far mature mind than others, I don't know the reason why but it just happened. Maybe because I was faced with reality too early which made me mature faster than other kids. But it lead me to never enjoy my childhood because I was too cooped up reading my lessons while other kids are playing. Which I then regret when I was in college. That is also the reason why I was never friendly. In college when others are thinking for what they want, I was thinking what can help me succeed. When I was little, I also had a simple innocent dream, ti become a teacher just like many of my relatives in our compound. But when I grew up, dreams became a competition on who has the grandest or most sosyal (A colloquial adjective used in the Filipino  Language, a slang in the Philippines describing a person who is classy, or someone who is ostentatiously wealthy)

And because I was an introvert. I needed to fit with others so I changed my dream and that was to be an architect or engineer but I never got the chance since Math was never my cup of tea. When I was in college, I was faced with the reality, that I was just a big fish in a small river but small when thrown to a big lake or ocean.

Through out my life, I have loved my personal space, reading and being alone most of the time but it does not mean I want to be alone always until the time of my death. But then, it just kind of happened. I died alone in this hopeless world where humans compete with each other through their lives in order to achieve success in their dreams or goals in life which I was unable to achieve with my sudden death. Until then, regrets filled my mind, heart, body and soul just as darkness filled my whole consciousness.

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