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What is this, a Magical Girl Story?

Author: Verhygo
Fantasy
Ongoing · 130.6K Views
  • 30 Chs
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Synopsis

To answer the title question. No, probably not. It’s supposed to be a light-hearted play on the classical genre, with a slight twist. This story is about a Sophie, a young adult who gets dragged into a war between magic users from earth and the Demons trying to invade it. With her having no control over the events she gets involved in, struggles Sophie to regain at least some sense of normality in her life. All the while battling her own insecurities. She will lose everything that comforted her, but meet new friends along the way. Where will this lead her? I don't know, let's find out together.

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Chapter 1A fresh Breeze (1/2)

Harsh gusts of wind pushed and pulled on the thick jacket that Sophie wore. She had buried her face deep into the scarf around her neck, and a knitted hat covered her freezing ears.

Rushing through the entrance of the store, she was aiming for felt like sweet salvation after being helpless against the forces that still raged outside.

Sophie rubbed her cold palms against each other as she tried to warm herself and threw an envious glance at Felix beside her, who barely wore anything to cover himself. His arms were free, uncovered by the tank-top, showing his Mediterranean skin and the impressive muscles below it.

He gave her a mischievous grin before throwing a playful punch at her shoulder.

"Come on. It's not even close to below zero."

Sophie returned the slight punch, barely feeling the tip of her fingers.

"Shut up. You know I can't handle the cold. Poor blood circulation, or something like that…"

The scarf around her face got pulled closer, while other visitors of the store took hats off and opened jackets. But Sophie felt like her nose could fall off at any moment.

"It's almost April. Why is it still so cold?"

Felix's attention shifted away from her onto a customer that slipped around the cashier. Probably because he found nothing to buy.

"You could at least pretend like it bothered you! Instead of showing off your muscles…"

Sophie crossed her arms in front of her, waiting for Felix to continue into the store. But the huge teenager turned around instead and grabbed the leaving customer by his shoulder. The boy seemed to be about as old as Sophie herself and although Felix looked like a twenty-five-year-old; he was actually fifteen as well.

Caused by the sudden grip, lost the boy his footing. If not for Felix's upper strength, both might have tumbled over the ground.

"Hey! What's the matter with you? Let go! You Asshole…"

The furious protest died down halfway when he turned around and saw Felix towering over him. He didn't reach him in size, just until the shoulder like Sophie.

'That looks like it might get interesting.'

She wondered what the reason for the sudden confrontation was, not that it mattered. Seeing Felix in action was always an entertaining sight. Yet the frightened teenager in Felix's grasp seemed to find some kind of courage in him, as he made himself as big as possible and glared at him angrily.

"I said let go!"

Sophie noticed the curious looks that the situation drew from all over the store. One employee seemed to take particular interest and came over, just at the right moment, when a loud punch was to hear.

The poor boy in Felix's grip landed a right straight punch on his face. Felix didn't move at all and quickly after followed a painful outcry.

"Aaah! What the hell? Are you made of stone or what?"

He wiggled, trying to get Felix's hand off his shoulder. Ignoring the attempt completely, Felix shoved his free hand into the jacket of his captive and revealed a bunch of video game cases. Sophie rolled her eyes. That was not exactly the entertainment she hoped for.

"Another shoplifter? Come on Felix, I thought we wanted to search for games to play not trouble…"

Her words stayed without response as he shoved the stolen goods into her hands. Not without some pleads from the young thief.

"Lemme go! And give that back, you bastard! That's none of your business, muscle freak!"

It looked quite comical to her as Felix lifted the wildly flailing guy easily over his head.

With the scene escalating rushed a few more employees to help the teenager that seemed to get assaulted by the adult beside Sophie. Her brows furrowed at that familiar sight.

'You'd think he would learn his lesson after the last time… ugh… could it not have been just one of his weird, rowdy friends? A brief fight outside is certainly preferable over interrogation by the police…'

She took the evidence and gave it to one of the panicking employees. The lady seemed completely overwhelmed by the situation.

"Here, that's why the young man there flips out. He found it in his…"

The explanation got swiftly interrupted by a screaming, flying teenager that landed in the fountain in front of the store.

"… jacket after the boy left the store without paying."

Even if the woman looked now less confused, her colleagues still tried their best to calm down Felix. Which meant another ruffle, as the two adults forcefully attempted to ring him down.

'I'm not staying another time to play Felix's translator for the police. He can solve that himself.'

Sophie walked swiftly away from the turmoil, before anyone might notice that she knew the weird guy who now threw one employee into the fountain. Which hit the shivering thief that tried to sneak away from the chaos and splashing cold water all over the place.

[---][---][---][---][---][---][---][---]

She took refuge from the raging icy wind in the clothing store to around the corner where Izzy and Monica wanted to go. They had split earlier, so she could look with Felix for some games. A decision she regretted now.

Looking around the place, she saw Izzy, who was inspecting some questionable jackets, each one with bright enough colors to light a room.

'As if she had trouble getting the spotlight on her…'

A clothes rail nearby had much more decent colors and prices, so Sophie walked over to look at them instead, not wanting to get fashion tips from Izzy.

"Already done with Felix? You aren't so quick usually. Did something happen?"

The sudden conversation prompt made her flinch. She could have sworn that Izzy had eyes on her back.

"What?! No… I guess, maybe? You could at least try not to surprise me all the time…"

A chuckle was to hear much closer than she would have liked, as Izzy laid her arm around Sophie's shoulder and pulled her closer.

"That were all possible answers. And you could also just greet me."

Her bright smile gleamed right into Sophie's face.

"Why should I? You know I'm here, anyway. Where's Monica?"

'I need her as a buffer. You get unbearable without her…'

Izzy gave with her arm a little more room, as if on command. Sophie stiffened up regardless, already knowing her tendency for getting too touchy.

"She's up. But why don't we talk a little. We're so rarely alone without the group."

'No wonder. We have nothing in common.'

Izzy's face darkened a little, only to light back up to her usual fake smile. No one can be that happy all the time.

"I know! Your brother mentioned your date last Friday. Tell me everything about it!"

'Ugh… Jacob…'

Her grip tightened again, leaving Sophie no room to breathe freely and diminishing all of her personal space to zero.

'Why would I tell you? Not that I was comfortable talking about that with anyone else, either.'

Sophie struggled against the forceful hug, feeling her captor's perfume tickling her nose.

"That's your topic, Guys? Don't you have anything else you want to talk about?"

Izzy left off, stepping back a little to give Sophie a disappointed look.

"What else? You and I have nothing in common. No hobbies, no interests, not even the same taste in fashion. How else are we supposed to bond, if not talking about something personal?"

Sophie turned around to look back at the rather dark clothes. Definitively not the same taste. It's not surprising that Izzy saw their relationship in the same light.

'What gives you even the Idea that I want to get to know you better?'

"We don't have to become best friends, just because we hang out with the same people."

Izzy got closer again, this time only laying a hand on Sophie's shoulder.

"But I want to know more about you. You don't have to feel uncomfortable talking about your love life. I'm here to listen."

'Ugh… what's the harm in telling her. She doesn't know the guy, anyway.'

"Whatever, it was just a friend of Felix from a parallel class that I've been seeing already a while. We went to the cinema and played some video games at his place."

She regretted saying it out loud immediately, when the grip on her shoulder became harsh once more and got even joined by a second grip on the other shoulder.

"You have a boyfriend! What? How long have you been dating?"

Izzy's shocked face drew closer again, her wide open brown eyes filled with greed for more juicy information.

"No! No boyfriend and no potential one, either. We won't see each other again, anyway."

Sophie pushed her away to get some place between them.

"You broke up? What happened? I'll dropkick the guy if he tried anything funny!"

Her display of pseudo kung-fu moves she would like to apply made Sophie hide her face behind the scarf.

'And you wonder, why I didn't want to talk about Markus…'

"Nothing happened. We just didn't… fit together."

Izzy's shadow fight ended, and she returned her attention back to Sophie. Which included another way to close attempt at eye contact.

"What is it then? Come on, you can't just tell me only so much and make me even more curious!"

Sophie finally spotted Monica walking down the stairs from the upper floor of the store. A sight that made her relax from the constant assault Izzy put on her nerves.

"I didn't want to talk about it from the start, stop it. It's nothing…"

Maybe it wasn't for the same reason. But Izzy also seemed to relax, turning her excitement down a notch.

"Fine. But I'll not give up on that. You'll have to tell me another time what happened between you and Markus."

Sophie turned around to go to Monica, thinking the conversation was over, when she noticed Izzy's last word.

Her eyes squinted as she tried to remember if she had mentioned him in the conversation.

"How do you know his name? I didn't say it."

Izzy had returned to her bright jackets and didn't even turn around at that question.

"Mmm…? Yes, you did. You must have. How else would I know his name? You might have just forgotten about it."

Sophie blinked a few times, struggling to repeat her earlier spoken words inside her mind.

"I guess… I must have forgotten…"

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VerhygoAuthor

Writing Quality: You can tell that the writer makes each chapter somewhat self-contained. Probably because the writer writes them just the day they get released. That causes a massive dip in quality from one chapter to the next. Some being better some worse. Always depending on the current mood.  Hard to tell if there is a overarching story, or if the writer just goes for it. But the the writer will sooner or later run out of ideas for the names of the episodes. That is already foreseeable.  The quality is at best average, there are a lot of better written stories.  Story Development: I don't even know what to say. It moves so slowly and nothing ever happens. No action and no real drama. If a problem occurs, it's solved in the same chapter.  Maybe the writer was going for a realistic view. Classic cliches seem to be avoided at all costs. Kinda boring and baffling at the same time. What is that even supposed to become?  Character Design: The characters seem at first distinct, but the dialog doesn't feel like actual people talking.  Descriptions of their appearance is lackluster. Motivations are unclear.  Updating Stability: As earlier mentioned, the writer makes each chapter the day it's released.  There is no way that can be kept up. Unavoidable will that change. Either stopping completely or changing to less chapters with hopefully more thought put into it.  World Background: The writer seems to have put most work into the world building. Which is unfortunately still not much. The details are everywhere and feel like way to much exposition. Also they are convoluted and unnecessary.  Overall: The writer (Woman or Man) should probably rework the entire story and take some writing lessons. Which is most likely not gonna happen, since this seems more like a hobby than a passion project. I mean, come on! Have you read the review the writer gave themselves? There was probably more work put into that, then the entire Novel! It's not even funny, only pathetic. Or eventually even worse, honest. 

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