2 The start of a cliched adventure

I wake up by the sun shine bearing down on my face. At least I know I've gotten enough sleep since the sun doesn't shine in my room till mid day, and as an added bonus no hangover. My luck is getting better.

I look at my phone and it's 1 in the afternoon, I'm not surprised by that though, I mean I got so drunk I thought I saw god. I mean how much liquor does it take to do that? Too damn much I'll tell you that right now.

I take a sip of the water I keep by my bed (so that my mouth stops being dry), then stand up to stretch my body out, and I gotta tell you, I love morning stretches, make me feel like a child still.

Well I kind of am like a child right now though. A fully grown one.

I walk to my kitchen to make myself some coffee and lunch(breakfast?) before I start looking for jobs because I'm already immature enough. I don't need to add not having a Job onto that list.

Hot pockets should be fine for lunch since I just need something quick, so I put a couple in the microwave while the coffee brews. You heard me right. Hot Pockets and Coffee. For my brunch.

There's no saving me is there? Hahaha...

I want to die.

After getting both my Hot pockets and coffee made (and an crisis of self) I take them to my computer desk and sigh as I sit down.

I chuckle "Heh, god wanting to be called kami-sama. I think of some weird shit while I am drunk. That and too much anime. Way too much anime."

I take a sip of my coffee, it is too hot, I take a bite of my Hot pocket, yup scalding my mouth too. There goes my sense of taste for 2 weeks now. You see kids? This is why we learn from our mistakes, I am clear evidence of that, I always burn my damned mouth.

I sigh and go to turn on my computer but, when I bend down to hit the power button, I see stuff sitting on the tower. I don't remember being this lazy. I'm good at keeping the mess away from my precious.

I grab the pile and set it on the desk, it's a roll of stickers, a router, and a credit card. Why the fuck is my router not plugged in?

I grab my phone from my pocket and notice that my wi-fi still works. Why is there a router here then? Did I have an extra? I know I didn't buy it while being sober, and I didn't drive while drunk because that'd be bad.

Wait, yeah. That's right when I thought I saw god I could swear that a router appeared.

Am I dreaming?

No, wait, I would have woken up when I burned myself...I think.

Is it real then?

Wait did I really meet god last night then?

Oh shit, I made a complete fool of myself in front of someone who has the ability to make me just, not exist.

Ugh, I need to remember last night after I tried to forget it now since it now seems important.

"Okay, okay" I sigh as I rub my temples and recall as much as I can.

"I have till next Thursday to get ready. Um, I put stickers on things I want to bring with me, and uh, game system cheat if I remember right."

Cool cool. I've got a time-frame to work with now and now I have to think of what to bring with me too, especially since supplies are limited.

I grab the stickers and to look at them closer when a card falls from between the roll. Oh right, this was a present I think.

I pick it up to look at it and see that it is a credit/debit card. I think debit since it's bank is the same as mine (who knows anymore). Wait how did it get underneath the stickers, that is out of order.

...Why do I ask this when I know that the reason is pretty much 'god happened'. I sigh again. "Fucking gods..."

Well like a husband who just got his card back after letting his wife go on a shopping spree with it, lets check it's balance!

I put my pin code into my computer and wait for everything to finish loading in. You think I'll tell you my pin code? Pft, think of your own, but fine if you want to know there is a 6 and a 9 in it. They aren't together though so get your head out of the gutter!

Oh, there's a note on my computer.

"Remember, you have till 7pm next Thursday to get ready. Good luck ~Kami-sama"

… Did he really sign his name kami-sama.

Why can god's just go and have whims like that? Maybe I want to be called cornholio? Am I called that though? No I sure am not... thank god I'm not.

I open up my browser and go to my banks website and put in the password which I won't tell you guys either. It could start with Xx, maybe even end with it. Or maybe I have it like xXXx in the middle! You will never guess it. If you do though I will give you a cookie. I'm not a monster.

Well time to look at my bank information, yup, bank balance on my card is still at 5 digits.

What? Are you surprised? I'm good at saving. I mean look at what I'm eating! Hot pockets. These things are great and affordable.

Oh wait a second, I have a second card added. I didn't notice the tab at first since I'm not used to having multiple cards...

I'll be damned.

When I click on the new card I almost fainted.

This number can't be right, 7 million dollars? I thought that 5 digits in my account was a lot.

That's about a million to spend each day(since most of today is over), how prepared does he want me to be?

Well I should not look this gift horse in the mouth, if I can spend over a million in a day challenge accepted.

I will show this other world who's boss. Camping? Who needs it when you can just use a tent?

A tent? Why use one when you can just buy an RV? Fuel and electricity? Pft. I have the money to buy a generator and BARRELS of fuel now.

Plus the food I can bring with me, it'll be great. The day of I will order at least 2 thousand dollars worth of fast food. I want to never want to see another burger, pizza, or burrito again, but knowing me I will still want them... is this hot pocket cooled down yet?

Nope. Still hot... all that thinking of food made me hungry... I'm going to go cry now till my hot pockets are done

1 week later…

Wow, it is a lot harder to spend 7 million than I thought. I mean I still did it but... do I really need 20 50 terabyte hard drives? Well I guess I will never have to worry about storage again. Or electronics. I got the best phone on market and guess what, it isn't a brand that also makes computers.

I got a lot of stuff though so I am not going to go through it all, but I mean some stuff I didn't get is a rocket launcher, grenades, flamethrower, or pets. I can find a pet there so why get a new one that, if I'm unlucky, will just end up dying. I don't want that on my conscience.

It took a surprisingly long time to get stickers on everything too, especially the fast food. It may have been in boxes and bags but holy shit, 2000 dollars is a lot of food. I spent between 100-200 at each place. I splurged even more on chinese food just because I wanted to have hundreds of egg rolls. You heard me right, hundreds.

I ordered 5 days in advance for 500 egg rolls. Plus sweet and sour sauce.

Wait what was I doing? Oh yeah, the computer.

I sit down at the computer and there's another box that says 'Are you ready to leave? [Yes] [No]'

How convinent

I hit the yes button.

Goodbye earth, hello mystery world whose name I don't even know!

.

...

Well I'm still here. Guess I need to wait for a bit. I take a sip of water while I wait and next thing I know everything around me is black, Like complete darkness. Then gravity kicks in and I fall on my ass and the water in my hand spills all over me.

My chair is gone but the water stays? What the fuck god, that's a bit rude.

I turn around to find him standing behind me holding my chair and smiling.

Oh so my chair did come with me, he just pulled it out from under me. This fucking trickster.

"I feel I should call you Loki with how much you like to pull pranks."

He chuckles a bit and responds, "Now now, it's all in good fun. So, I take it you're ready to go?"

I nod and reply "I am, thanks for that money by the way."

He snaps his fingers once as he talks to me "Ah no problem, it was a reward for making me laugh, it's been awhile so it's special"

As he talks my view gets filled with various symbols and shapes before finally settling into a Hud… I think, if I have to say it's pretty lackluster.

I mean it has my health in the bottom left, maybe it'll get better when I get into it?

Kami sama starts talking after I examine my Hud a bit, "Well time for a quick tutorial (and to make sure it works fine)"

Wait what was that last part? Make sure it works right?

He claps his hands making me jump. "Now in your head think of the words 'Hide Hud' to hide it, and 'Show Hud' to show it, simple right?"

I think 'Hide Hud' and just like kami-sama said the sad health bar disappears, then I make it reappear with 'Show Hud'. "It works fine" He wipes sweat off his forehead, was he worried. Oi, don't use me as a lab rat. What if I died?

He starts talking more "Alright now think of the words 'Status' to show status, 'Inventory' to show inventory, and 'skills' to show skills. "

Oh so there's more? I follow the words in order and thankfully they disappear when I go to a new page, status is pretty basic, shows my basic stats and if I'm under any effects, cool. Inventory has everything that I put a sticker on in it, I wonder if it will need a sticker from now on? Well, the next page is where it gets interesting.

Just kidding. I have 1 skill right now, [Professor] I wonder what it does though?

'Professor is another mind inside your own, it has access to all the information of the world, it can help with calculations, and other various matters'

Why did I just hear a voice in my head? Kami-sama, are you reading my mind now? Wait no, doesn't sound like him. Too robotic.

'This is not Kami-sama, this is the skill professor, I exist to assist you in the world.'

Uhh okay, I'm going to call you X then since I don't want to say professor all the time.

'That isn't allowed'

Why not?

'Copyrights'

It'll be fine as long as long as we don't mention the franchise and I don't say the two names together… I think.

'Acknowledged'

Also, please don't respond to me all the time unless it's important or I ask you for help, I look Kinda crazy like this.

'Acknowledged'

Well, that is… Interesting. I have a pretty cool cheat. Will I turn into a slime when I go to the other world? I hope not...

I close the skills tab and look back to god. "I've looked through it all and discovered the skill I have."

God smiles mischievously "So how'd you like it, helpful right? That's the way that I figured I'd give the long version to you, and as one part of the gifts. The second part is"

He snaps his fingers before he resumes talking "5 skill points that you can distribute as you want. Oh yeah, I should tell you this too, you get more of those skill points every level, along with stat points which you can use to increase your status. Oh, and about the skills you can unlock more skills and better ones as you gain levels or complete secret tasks. Quests I give you can also have different rewards depending on what I feel like giving you, could be items, could be money, could be points, whatever really. The quest should say what the reward is in most cases, if it doesn't then that means it will be a good surprise. Hm, I think that's everything. Go ahead and pick your skills then head off to your new world (P.S I added my number to your phone, I'll give you a call sometime)"

Holy information overload ratman.

Wait now God put his number into my phone? I don't even know anymore honestly. I'm just gonna pick my skills now and deal with this shit later.

I open up the skills page and I see that I do indeed have five available skill points, lets see some of the options I have, [Advanced Inventory], [Advanced Hud], [Analysis], [Party Management], Various Magic proficiency(all at beginner level. However good that is), [Advanced Map], [Advanced Merchant], and [Advanced Growth].

So these are what I can start out with, hey X wanna give me a run down on these?

'Certainly'

[Advanced Inventory] Allows for minor organization and search in inventory

[Advanced HUD] Allows customization of HUD and quick select features

[Analysis] Able to analyze information. Can be leveled up

[Party Management] Able to add and drop members from party, share little XP among members

The various magic proficiency are exactly what it sounds like. Things like Fire, water, earth, wind, holy, light, dark, demonic, space, time, and necromancy. All are at beginner proficiency, can be leveled up.

[Advanced Map] Able to mark people on a map, friend, foe, and monsters are marked, travel time displayed, and more.

[Advanced Merchant] Able to sell for 15% more, buy for 15% less, increase chance to persuade people.

[Advanced Growth] Gain 10x rewarded XP, level up requirement 50% less, 1 additional stat point per level, 1 additional skill point every 5 levels

Hey what's up with that 'and more'?

'It means there is more to the skill'

No shit, can you tell me?

'No. Kami-sama said you can find out on your own when I tried looking'

Damn him.

Well [Advanced Growth] is fucking broken so I select that, who doesn't love cheats?

I also get [Advanced Inventory], [Advanced Hud], and [Analysis].

I'm torn between the magic and the map.

Well the magic isn't usable right now, so I guess I'll get [Advanced Map], I will get you next time though magic! I plan on learning all of them. You heard me right. I wanna max out all magic, even one like necromancy. Who doesn't want an army of undead?

After I exit the skill screen the world starts fading to white. Heh. What's going on?

Huh? This is weird I feel weightless.

Hold up what!? The world turned into a different color, what? It's green?

I look around more and see that I'm actually falling towards the ground. "FUCK! FUCK FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK. KAMI-SAMA, KAMI-SAMA. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS. SAVE ME."

[Skill [Fear Resistance (Minor)] Acquired]

"NOT FUNNY DAMN IT. SAVE ME"

[Quest Acquired <Survive>]

"THIS ISN'T HALO DAMN IT, FUCKING SAVE ME" after that my phone starts ringing in the air beside me, I grasp at it desperately and swipe to answer the call. "Hey John, looks like you got to the world alright"

I respond to his calm tone with, "KAMI-SAMA I AM GOING TO DIE. I AM FALLING THROUGH THE SKY. PLEASE FUCKING SAVE ME"

[Title Acquired <Foul-Mouth>]

[Title Acquired <Heretic>]

Listen here you fucking titles, I don't need this bull-shit in my life right now. I AM FUCKING FALLING TO MY DEATH.

Kami-sama talks to me from the phone "Didn't you pack a parachute in your stuff? Try using it."

He then hangs up the call and I scream out "INVENTORY. INVENTORY." It opens and then I scream out, "PARACHUTE. PARACHUTE"

A parachute appears in a single square in my inventory, I click it quickly in my mind and see that I can equip it.

[[Fear Resistance (Minor)] Level-Up]

"I DON'T LIKE YOUR SHIT RIGHT NOW GAME SYSTEM"

I equip the parachute quickly and it appears on my back, it is even attached all the way,

I then pull the string and cross my fingers that the chute deploys right. After a jerk I look up and see that it is indeed making me fall slower now "Oh, thank sweet baby Jesus" I sigh out.

[Title Acquired <Needy>]

[Title Acquired <Desperate>]

"Okay Titles fuck you that was scary and I'm not desperate"

[Title Acquired <One who argues with nothing>]

"I will strangle your non-existence okay, I will find a way come hell or high water"

[Title Acquired<Sailors mouth>]

[Title Acquired<One who threatens nothings>]

[Titles <One who argues with nothing> and <One who threatens nothing> unlock requirement for

Title <Crazed One>]

"Okay, Okay, I get it. I'm sorry, I was scared and thought I was going to die. I'm sorry."

[Title Acquired <Slightly Forgiven soul>]

"Thank you" I exhale at the brief respite I have till I get to the ground.

This is already being horrible.

I start off by spawning mid-air and barely survive thanks to Kami-sama reminding me of the parachute, then again, he's what put me in that situation.

Then to add to the stress I got into an argument with some weird voice thing. Weird shit. It's not even X. It's just there.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Current Status: 

John Arthur

Title: <Heretic>

Level: 1

Strength: 6(+0)

Cunning: 7(+0)

Intelligence: 6(+0)

Dexterity: 5(+0)

Endurance: 5(+0)

Luck: 4(+0)

Equipment:

Head: None

Chest: T-shirt, Parachute

Arms: None

Legs: Boxers, Jean pants, Boots

Misc: None

HP: 15/15

MP: 18/18

SP: 10/10

XP: 0/50