10 Ed Acquired
It was a few days after E-class's trip to Kyoto and it was now Monday and the Eds and Eric, Nagisa, and Sugino were walking together to the old school building.
Aww~. I want to do that again," complained Ed as he wanted to go back on the trip.
"I know what you mean, Ed," said Nagisa. "That field trip was awesome."
"Yeah, too bad we go back to normal, today," commented Sugino.
"Normal. Yeah, sure" replied Eddy sarcastically as he was still feeling tired from after staying up to do some studying last night.
"Cheer up, gentlemen," said Double D, running ahead of the group of friends, turned, and started walking backward.
He did this while happily stating his joy. "It's another day for learning, and it's not every day that you get a new classmate."
Eric and the group stopped for a moment, wondering what he was talking about.
Then Eric remembered and said, "Oh, right, didn't Mr. Karasuma send out an email to all of us about that?" Nagisa backed this up by bringing out his photo and opening the email, as the other boys gathered around.
[Starting tomorrow, a transfer student will be joining us. They'll look a bit unusual, but I'd like you to accept them without much fuss]
"Okay, it's got to be an assassin," Nagisa commented, sweating a little.
"But one so young," asked Sugino in confusion but also wonder.
"It's amazing what kids can do these days" chuckled Eric.
"It's possible that the desire for an age decreased hitman came from the failures of Ms. Irina," Double D said.
"HAVE YOU SEEN A PIC?!" Okajima suddenly exclaimed when he popped up behind Double D. Scaring the Ed-boy enough to make him leap into Ed's arms.
"Why do you people insist on doing that?!" He yelled while shaking in fright. That's when he noticed that he was in Ed's arms and looked at him with wide eyes. "Oh, hello, Ed."
"Naturally, I was curious, so I figured I hit Mr. Karasuma up with some photos," Okajima explained to the other boys and showed his photo to them. "Ask and you shall receive."
They were surprised to see the headshot photo of a girl with lilac hair and red eyes.
"Whoa! It's a girl?" Sugino exclaimed.
"And you've already made her your background," Nagisa commented in a awkward tone.
"Isn't she just adorable?" Okajima started gushing and blushing, having already fallen head over heels for the mystery girl. "This is the one I've been waiting for!" He started dancing, which wasn't looking good for the Eds and Eric, Nagisa, and Sugino as some of their female classmates walked by and saw the pervert.
"Dude, pull yourself together," Eric said before looking at the others. "But he's right, but I can't see her as a hitman at all."
"New friend for Ed!" Ed exclaimed happily and ran off towards the classroom with Double D still in his arms.
Eddy ran after them. "Wait up, lumpy!" He yelled, before Eric, Nagisa, Sugino, and even Okajima followed after him and the other Eds.
'We could have only guessed what the new girl was all about. Either way, we could only hope she's ready to be the center of attention for a while. No way she wasn't a normal Junior High girl and she had to be an assassin.
Boy, were we right and wrong.'
When the four boys approached the door to their classroom, they saw the Eds had stopped at the door and were just standing there. Staring at something in the classroom with big, wide eyes.
"Hey, guys," Sugino said, "what..."
All fell silent as they too could only stare at what the Eds were looking at.
Way in the back of the classroom in the last column was a large rectangular machine with a video screen.
It stood there ominously as the Eds and Eric, a handful of students worked up the nerves to approach it. Just looking at it put them all on edge, while leaving many questions.
"What...is this," Eric asked.
However, this seemed to activate the machine. The video screen turned on, and they were shocked to see it was the face of the same girl from the photo Mr. Karasuma sent to Okajima.
[Good morning, fellow students.] She said in a robotic and monotone voice. [I'm A.I.F.A, which is an acronym for "Autonomously. Intelligent. Fixed. Artillery.". I'm happy to be a part of this class.]
The screen turned off, going to power save mode. Leaving the kids shocked, with white eyes and a few drops of sweat.
"Hello! I am Ed!" waved Ed at the screen, completely oblivious to what was really happening here.
'Yep, it's come to this.'
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Cue Seishun Satsubatsuron by 3-nen E-gumi Utatan)
{Intrumental}
{Seishun... Satsubatsuron!}
(The opening starts with the crescent moon as it gradually change to Korosensei's head. Then Ed, Double D, Eddy and Eric appeared upside down with their names shown as they fall and tried to attack Korosensei as he panicked before dust picks up around them as the title appeared.)
Welcome Back, Mr. ED!
{Kuchi ni dasu no wa jikkō suru toki}
{Sore ga kakkoī koto shitteru sa}
(The scene start with Eric waking up in bed as he gets up and gets ready for school. As he walk out of his room, Eddy and Double D were at the living room while the latter was preparing breakfast. He look around only to see that Ed's not up yet so he went to his room to wake him up, only to find that he was not here and saw his window was open.)
{TARGET, sagashite bokura wa satsubatsu}
{Omoi wa mayou mayoedo susumu}
{Migite to migiashi issho ni de sōda}
(Eric panicked and ran out of his room to tell Eddy and Double D that Ed's gone. Eddy groaned in frustration while Double D worried about him, Eric ran back in to his room and came out with his uniform on and a toothbrush in his mouth. Double D quickly pack small breakfast along with their lunches before they head out to find Ed.)
{Nan nanda iraira no hadō wa}
{Bokura no sonzai no shōmei?}
{Tsuki wo miagetakamaru}
{Sā sā! Satsu satsu sattō START!}
(Scene changes to Eric opens a fridge of their neighbor's house and found Ed sleeping in his underwear and half eaten food. Eddy laughed while Eric took Ed out of the fridge and slaps him back and forth to wake him up. Double D look at the time and finds that they are going to be late for school, Eric and Double D panicked while Eddy groaned as Ed woke up from Eric's slapping before he was pulled by Eric and ran out the door along with Eddy and Double D.)
{Yari kittenaikara yarikirenai}
{Yari kittenaikara yarikirenai}
{Genjō daha wo chīsana koe de yagate zekkyō shitaku naru}
(The Eds and Eric, with Ed now in his uniform, rushing to the train station but they missed the train. As Eric and Double D mope in depression, Eddy yelled at Ed before he had an idea as he grabbed Ed the the other two. They're now at a park as they sitting in a box with a tree that is cartoonishly pulled down like rubber below them while Ed was holding the tree down by sinking his teeth in another tree. Double D was calculating their trajectory while Eddy was getting impatient and Eric was starting to regret it. Double D conclude that they would land in the field behind the building but isn't sure about it. Eddy isn't surprised as he signals Ed to let go as they're launch in the air heading to towards school.)
{Yari kittenaikara yarikirenai (Yareba dekiru sa)}
{Yari kittenaikara yarikirenai (Kitto dekiru sa)}
(Eddy, Double D and Eric screamed while Ed laugh as they flew through the sky. Then Eric saw Korosensei flying by as he pulled out his anti-sensei knife and tries to kill him but no avail as Korosensei sped up ahead of them.)
{Dōse, to iu no wa kantandakedo}
{Ima wa agaite mitainda kimi to hajikete mitainda}
(Meanwhile in E-Class, Yada was sitting by her desk and glance at Eric's desk in front of her as class was about to start. Korosensei arrives through the window and begun roll call, Yada asked him if he seen the Eds and Eric this morning making Rio teased her about it as she blushed in embarrassment. Korosensei answers as the Eds and Eric crashed through the roof and landed in the floor next to Korosensei, surprising the students.)
{Saredo seishun wa mirai he GO!}
{Sā sā sā! Seishun satsubatsuron!}
(Ed recoiled from the floor as he pulled the other three out with him as the class aside from Korosensei look at them with white eyes and jaws dropped. Korosensei tells them to take their seats as Ed lets go of them and went to their designated desk thus begins class.)
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EDventure #9 — "ED acquired"
When everyone came into the classroom, saw the A.I.F.A, were understandably freaked out, but it, and then sent to go sit in their assigned seats, that's when class started. Mr. Karasuma, Korosensei, and Irina walked into the room together, and the agent stepped in front of the chalkboard.
With a fist clenched tightly and trembling, Mr. Karasuma wrote on the board. "As you probably already figured out for yourselves," he told the students with his back turned to them, holding in his anger, "this is our new transfer student."
He finished writing hard on the board, breaking off a tiny piece of the chalk he held.
"Autonomously Intelligent Fixed Artillery, on loaned from Norway."
The video screen turned on and the A.I.F.A's human face showed. [It's nice to meet all of you, thank you for having me.] The screen went black again.
Eric shook his head at the robot. Still in a bit of a state of disbelief. "This cannot be real," he groaned, secretly begging to God that it was all just a big, bad prank.
"Yeah, and Mr. Karasuma is totally having it rough," Kayano said.
Standing near the door with Irina next to him, Korosensei giggled. This only aggravated Mr. Karasuma and he snapped his head towards him with a glare.
"I thank you not to laugh! This is a serious deal!" He stated, before turning back to class. Addressing not only the teachers but the students as well.
"The A.I.F.A's registered here, just like the Eds and Eric, as part of the Foreign-Exchange Program. She'll be trying to kill you just like everyone else here. And, just like our agreement with them, you'll have zero recourse. No fighting back. No harming her in any way. Your contract as a teacher still applies."
"Ah-huh." Korosensei placed his tentacle on where his chin would be—if he had one. "You and your government might be extending that arrangement a bit too liberally. But very well, welcome to E-Class, Autonomously. Intelligent. Fixed. Artillery!"
The girl appeared on-screen again.
[Thank, Korosensei. I happy appreciate it.] Then the screen turned off again.
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And so that's how the day began for E-Class. Korosensei began the first period of the day with a lecture, and the class paid attention and wrote down as many notes as possible.
For Double D, this was no challenge, and he quickly wrote on his paper. But then he was met with a distraction in the form of Eddy. The short Ed-boy leaned over his desk and started whispering. "Hey, sockhead."
"I'm not giving you my notes after class, Eddy," Double D told him with a low voice. Not taking his eyes off the paper in front of him.
"I know, but what's with the giant slab," Eddy asked, sitting back into his chair and pointing a thumb at A.I.F.A. "How's it supposed to attack without any guns?"
Nagisa, Kayano, and Eric heard the one-sided conversation and turned towards the A.I.F.A.
'He did make a good point. It was called fixed artillery but there was nothing on the artillery. No guns, nothing. All it looked like was a giant black robot. How was it even supposed to serve its purpose as an instrument of war?'
While Nagisa and Kayano turned around to continue watching the lecher, Eric was about to too when he saw something that caught his eyes.
On the black screen, a roll of green data started moving into the frame. As if it was processing.
BANG! BANG!
Suddenly, two loud bangs started the classroom, as the right and left side of the machine burst open, causing smoke to blow out from the openings. Then, two large guns, one with four barrels and the other with a single, long barrel extended out on robotic arms. All pointing right at Korosensei.
"There's your answer!" Nagisa exclaimed to Eddy, as they and the rest of the classroom were in total shock.
"Ah crap" exclaimed Sugino.
"Party time!" shouted Ed, happily.
The A.I.F.A unleashed a volley barrage of Anti-Korosensei BBs at the teacher, causing the students to duck their heads. Korosensei quickly using Mach 20 speed and invaded the BB's, as they hit the board and wall. It was impossible to even determine where he was with all the duplicates of himself he made.
"Four shotguns, 2 machine guns, and a large amount of Anti-me BBs," the teacher said dodging all the BBs.
"I applaud your preparedness, young lady, but out of concern for someone shooting their eye out, I must tell you that the using of firearms in E-Class is strictly prohibited."
He stopped at the last bullet, hitting away with his chalk.
The A.I.F.A retracted her guns, before showing her human face.
[Understood. The next attack will be aimed more carefully.]
She then started processing data again. Her body started glowing, as the lights from the hardware and circlets glowed.
"This is not good," Double D groaned. If his hypostasis about the A.I.F.A turned out to be correct, and the true capabilities of her were about to be seen, then the classroom was in serious trouble.
[Recalculating trajectory. Modifying the angle of fire. Switching to self-evolving phase 5-28-02.]
"Tsk, tsk, tsk," Korosensei said with his head having the green stripes. "Stubborn, aren't we?" as he waved the chalk back and forth.
The A.I.F.A brought out her guns again and opened fire.
"An Identical attack? Really?" Korosensei began dodging again. This time more easily. "What else can I expect from a machine. You realize that defending myself under these circumstances is child's play," he asked and hits another BB away with a chalk.
Then it happened, his second finger was blown right off, and splattered all over the board.
As the chalk fell down, the class could only watch with eyes wide and glued to the detached finger. They were paralyzed and confused by what had just occurred. Korosensei sweated and was now starting to get worried.
Finally, the chalk hits the floor and breaks in half.
"Now I see," Double D whispered. "It was a blind spot, following the same attack used earlier, she added on more bullet in a way that prevented him from seeing it."
He then looked back at the A.I.F.A. "Then my hunch was correct."
Eddy, however, wasn't all that happy about almost being shot at and glared at the computer. "WARN US THE NEXT TIME YOU DO THAT!"
[Right fingertip destroyed.] said the machine, as it retracted her guns. All the students could do was stare at her. [Effectiveness of expanded secondary gun confirmed. Probability of neutralizing target with the third attack: less 0.001%. Probability of neutralizing target with the fourth attack: less than 0.003%. Probability of neutralizing before graduation is more than 90%.]
This seemed to frighten Korosensei.
[Be advised, the third attack is commencing now, Korosensei.]
With a preprogrammed smile, the "transfer student" began preparations for her next evolution.
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When the first period was finally over, the third attack was able to destroy one of Korosensei's arms. Then, the A.I.F.A developed four more guns and began the fourth attack. Afterward, the students were left to clean up the mess. The entire floor was littered with the BBs fired by the artillery.
As Eddy and Ed helped with a few of their male classmates in cleaning up, the others were in the back.
They gathered around the A.I.F.A as Double D started explaining. "You see, what we are dealing with here is not just an autonomous computer, but a learning one as well," Double D started, having a panel in the back of the black machine open to observe its inside workings. "A self-evolving fixed gun platform."
"So, it's able to learn and adapt," Eric asked with his arms crossed. "Meaning that Korosensei's usual tricks aren't going to work."
"Who cares!" Eddy exclaimed as he and a few of the boys worked together to hold up Ed and carry him around, using him like a vacuum cleaner. Ed didn't mind at all and started sucking up the BB's. "Turn her off!"
"I afraid I can't," Double D told him.
Eddy walked over, thinking that he was having to do it himself. He then started to reach for the A.I.F.A's inside. "Oh, please. It can't be that—"
He was immediately zapped by a powerful electric shock. So powerful, that he was sent flying back into the wall. Damaging it while leaving an impression of his body in it as he was stuck. "That's why I can't," Double D told his friend.
"Look, all we can do is hope that this was the last time she'd do this," said Maehara.
'But it didn't stop.'
(Second Period)
'All was normal as the second-period class start. But it didn't last long before the A.I.F.A. started firing.'
(Third Period)
'All was normal as the third-period class start. But it didn't last long before the A.I.F.A. started firing, again.
I think you get the point. The mechanized transfer student's attack continued throughout the entire day. It never stopped.'
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Then the next morning.
The Eds and Eric walked into the classroom. After what happened yesterday, they were now wearing construction helmets on their heads. Provided to them by Double D. But when they stepped into the room, they came to a sudden halt.
They saw Terasaka wrapping the A.I.F.A in duct tape.
"What are doing," asked Eric. The four walked towards him.
"What do you care, freak," Terasaka rudely retorted with a glare.
The Eds quickly held Eric back as he tried to lunge at and attack the big kid. An action that startled some of the other kids. "You got a problem with me, fucker!?" He snapped, as Yada ran over to help calm him down. Placing a hand on his chest and giving him a pleading look.
They stopped when the door opened and Korosensei walked into the room.
"Already, let's not fight," he said, wanting to not have a fight on his hands...eh, tentacles. "Terasaka, I think you should apologize to Eric."
But Terasaka didn't. He only glared at the octopus, the Eds and Eric, then walked back to his desk.
[8:30 am.] said the A.I.F.A, as she started to turn on. [All systems fully operational. Today's plan: to carry out 215 shooting styles by 6th period. By analyzing how Korosensei dodges a successive barrage of attack.]
Her face appeared, seeing most of the students sitting, with the exception of the Eds, Eric, and Yada. She then tried to open her deploy her guns, but the duct tape kept its hold and kept her doing so.
[Korosensei, I cannot deploy my guns in these restraints. I must ask that you remove them.]
The students looked towards Korosensei, hoping that he wouldn't actually do it. The last thing they wanted was another event like yesterday.
"Hrmm." Korosensei scratched his head. "I don't know if that's a good idea."
[Are you the agency responsible, sir? These restraints are likely to cause harm. Clearly, you are in direct violation of your agreement.]
"Shut up!" Terasaka yelled and threw the roll of tape at the robot, hitting her body. "It was me! Nothing said I can't give you a hard time. Especially if you're going to be a pain in the ass and shoot up the place every two seconds."
"Why bother explaining it to a machine?" Sugaya mockingly asked.
"It's nothing personal," said Hara, taking a more kindhearted approach. "We'll let you out after class is over."
Having calmed down and had his friends let him go, Eric looked towards the A.I.F.A with an apologetic expression. "I may not like him, but Terasaka's right. We're not your guinea pigs and this is our classroom. We're trying to learn, too," he said to her, as the A.I.F.A shared with one of her eyes covered by the duct tape.
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That night as the classroom of E-Class was devoid of all humans, the A.I.F.A made attempts to contact her creators.
[Autonomously Intelligent Fixed Artillery to headquarters. Execution of 2nd day's task due to unforeseen circumstances. Probability of rectifying problem independently: 0%. Probability of completing assassination before the fixed deadline: significantly decreased. Requesting immediate assistance.]
But then Korosensei placed his tentacle hand on top of the A.I.F.A, and her human face appeared.
"Don't go crying to mommy and daddy," he said to her. "They're the ones that got you into this pickle. Besides, you're a student. A transfer student at that. And that makes you my responsibility. I realize that it's no picnic being the new kid, but if we can just find a way to make the other boys and girls warm up to you..."
[What do you mean?]
"Can you appreciate why the other boys and girls are foiling your assassination attempts," Korosensei asked the A.I.F.A. "For starters, they are here to learn, and your methods are enormously disruptive. Furthermore, assuming that you succeed. The reward money would go to your parents, not to them. In other words, your plan holds no merit for the others."
[I believe I'm beginning to understand, Korosensei. It would seem that I've not taken in my classmates' interests into consideration.]
This brought out a giggle from Korosensei. "Nuruhuhuhuhu. You really are a smart one." He then brought out a rectangular device from his back.
"Not to worry, my dear. I have just the thing for you. An application and memory supplement. There isn't a virus in it or anything like that, so please accept it."
A moment later and Korosensei had hooked up the back of the A.I.F.A's body. Soon, the device went to work on improving her system and she was able to see the kids in their seats in the daytime, with Korosensei at the front of the classroom.
[Explain.]
"Calculation software which takes your classmates into account when you shoot. You can see that. In particular, the probability of a successful assassination rises."
[Accepted.]
"I think you can understand the importance of cooperation where assassinations are concerned. Think of it, wouldn't you enjoy having friends?"
[I do not know how to make friends.]
Korosensei disappeared and then reappeared with a medium-sized crate. It was overfilled with tools and various other items that were unrelated to each other. "Leave that to me! As you can see, I've come prepared."
[What is all this, sir?]
"Everything you need to be a team player, and then some. Korosensei will not inflict injury on a student," he told her, pulling out a few tools. "But I've not been prohibited from increasing your system performance."
Opening the back fully, Korosensei started working his magic in the A.I.F.A's systems. [I do not understand why you are doing this, sir. Any enhancements you give me will only shorten your lifespan.]
"So be it then. I'm a teacher first, a target second," he told her. "Yesterday, I truly understood that your learning ability and desire are both exceptionally high. You stand out, even when compared to the latest A.I. technology. That ability is all thanks to your parents, who made you. And cultivating your talents is the job of the teacher to whom you have been entrusted as a student. Once the other children have taken a liking to you, your whole world view will change. Count on it."
[Question, sir.] the A.I.F.A said, before pulling up a map of the world with a few locations pinned out and having food pictures near them. [What function is served by this directory of sweats from around the world?]
Knowing he's been figured out, Korosensei yelled. "Nyaa! W-W-Well, I thought it would help me out too..."
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The next day came, and school was about to begin. The weather of the day was as average as any other day.
"I can't keep doing this," Eric whined with his head thrown back. Dragging his feet as he walked to the door. The Eds and Eric were once again walking with Nagisa and Sugino. "No doubt that the tape is off that thing."
"I can see that," Nagisa said, agreeing with his overdramatic friend.
"Come now, gentlemen," Double D said to try and encourage them. "Sure, the A.I.F.A is proving to be much more disruptive than we initially thought, but..." At that point, his positive smile dropped, and his expression turned into a tired, worn-out face that stretched down. Why even bother trying. "Oh, who am I kidding. I lost so many note takings because of her."
"Think we should go and complain to Mr. Karasuma," asked Sugino as they reached the E-Class door.
"Yes, we should!" Eddy exclaimed, throwing his hands up. He then grabbed the door and started to open it. "I don't want to..." Eddy's rant came to a complete stop, and he was left in a speechless and confused state.
The others saw this and looked at what he was staring at.
The A.I.F.A was still in the room, but there was a difference. She was wider and bigger than before. As if someone placed another one of her against the original body. And her screen was now the full length of her body.
"Is it me, or does she look...bigger," Sugino asked.
The screen turned on, and they were met with a real surprise. The screen now showed the viewer the human face of the A.I.F.A, now with a full body that showed her wearing the standard issued winter uniform. And her eyes were now light blue, instead of her previous red eyes. With a sunny day and a forest in the back background, the girl greeted them with a very cute and happy smile.
"Good morning everyone! How are you," she asked with a short giggle.
The Eds, Eric, Nagisa, and Sugino stared with shock, disbelief, and just about anything thing that was in that category. All except for Ed, who waved and said with a smile, "Hello!"
"What...am I looking at," asked Eddy.
Korosensei walked over to the friends, as they were standing in front of the A.I.F.A. "I thought it might improve relations between your kids if I used a full-screen LCD display and modeling software for her body and clothing. All for cheaper than you might think," he explained to the kids in the classroom.
"Yeah, that's great and all, but seriously!" Eric exclaimed, before wildly gesturing to the full-screen. "What is with her?! She all too...lively."
Still, in a happy and chipper mood, the girl turned towards the artificial wind as it blew in her hair. "The weather is so splendid today! I'm glad I can spend a day like this with everyone!"
"An abundance of facial expressions and a cheerful way of speaking. The massive software operating them, and the memory supplements were all handmade, but still, cost quite the pretty penny."
Nagisa looked at him with white eyes and some sweat on his face and—defying the laws of physics—his hair. The A.I.F.A had evolved in a strange direction. But seriously, how does a teacher drop that kind of coin on a transfer student?
"Things are going to be a little tight until pay day" exclaimed Korosensei in an freaked out manner as he held up a coin
And finished with "Yikes"
Eric turned his head and looked at the audience with a raised eyebrow. "Should we go ahead and roll the eye-catch," he asked.
Que eye-catch.
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"The plants in the garden have become a deeper shade of green," said the computer girl, as she held up her hand. An artificial bird has landed on her finger and she was admiring it. "Spring is ending, and the approaching summer are in the air!"
"I'm seeing it," muttered Eric, as he turned his torso to look at the A.I.F.A. in continuous disbelief. He wasn't the only one. All the other classmates of E-Class were staring right at the machine. "But I'm still not believing it."
"I know what you mean," said Yada, looking at her with the fractured-eye boy. "It's hard to see her as the same artillery that wrecked the room."
"Well, at least the new cute look makes her a lot friendlier."
But in the back of the room, Terasaka was glaring in annoyance at the others. "Don't be fooled, guys. She's still just a computer. It's all just programming the octopus gave her. Her friendly attitude means nothing," he told them, as the girl of the A.I.F.A. looked at him with a sad and depressed expression. "That piece of junk's gonna start shooting again without caring about the rest of us anyway."
The A.I.F.A then surprised some of the students by rotating her body to have the screen face Terasaka. Showing him her depressed look. "I see. I understand how you feel. We didn't get off on the right foot yesterday," she said, as the background changed. Going for a sunny day, the clouds gathered together and grew darker. Thunder was heard in the machine, as the girl grew sadder and tears started to well up. "Piece of junk...even if you call me that, I have nothing to say in return." She then burst into tears and covered her crying eyes with her hands. It was now raining heavily in the artificial world.
Kataoka and Hara were standing near the A.I.F.A and were staring at Terasaka with disappointed looks. "Wow, way to go, Terasaka," said Kataoka.
"Feel good making the 2-D girl ball her eyes out," asked Hara.
"WHEN YOU PUT IT LIKE THAT, I SOUND LIKE A TOTAL DOUCHE!" Terasaka snapped comically at them.
"You are a total douche!" Eric retorted.
"Maybe I'm only speaking for myself," said the sitting behind Ed, Kōtarō Takebayashi. He was a boy with hair combed over along the sides of his head and wore round eyeglasses. Takebayashi pushed his glass up to his nose, causing them to reflect the glare of light.
"But 2-D is just fine. Real women don't need more dimensions than that."
Eddy looked at him with a raised eyebrow. He then asked, "That's his first line in this story?"
'Hey, don't look at me. I'm just the storyteller'
As for the A.I.F.A, she was wiping away her tears happily. As the computer rain clouds cleared up and the sun started to shine again. "I'll try harder, I promise," she said. "Korosensei showed me how to take all your feelings into a count and work together." Now the girl was brightly smiling at the boys and girls of E-Class, as a rainbow appeared behind her. "I'll make an effort to get you to like me, and until we have all come to a mutual agreement, I'll refrain from carrying out the assassination independently."
Eric looked at her for a moment before looking at the others. "Okay, I believe her."
"You do," asked Kayano with a raised eyebrow.
"Sure. I mean she seems...sincere about it." How could he really tell when she's a computer? But Eric wasn't lying when he said he trusted the A.I.F.A.
"Thank you, Eric," said Korosensei, happy to hear him giving the A.I.F.A a chance. "So, let's all get along. Oh, and of course, though I gave her a wide variety of improvements. I didn't so much as lay a hand on her blood lust."
"Yay!" Korosensei cheered while deploying her guns, nearly hitting Hara.
"If you still want to me, and who doesn't, then she'll certainly be a formidable ally," said Korosensei, with some tools popping out from between his teeth.
'Korosensei really had no limits. He just gave a machine the ability to be a proper student and make friends. There just was no end to our teacher's greatness.'
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The class began, and Korosensei began a lesson on the anatomy of the human eye. "Inside the retina are rod cells, which are longer," he said, after drawing out a diagram of an eye with labels on its parts and their functions. "And one more type of cell, which is shorter. What is it...Sugaya?"
Asleep at first, Sugaya woke up when he heard his name being called. "Huh? Me?" This was not good. He hardly paid attention to lecture classes. Why out of all of the students was he called?
But then he caught something out of the corner of his eye. Sugaya looked and saw that the girl of the A.I.F.A had written the answer—cone cells—on her leg and was deliberately showing him it. There was even an arrow pointing to the answer, and she gave him a wink and a finger.
"Umm...cone cells."
But of course, Korosensei saw it and was steamed. "Excuse me, Autonomously Intelligent Fixed Artillery, no slipping him the answer!"
"But sir, I was only trying to steadily assist my fellow classmates."
"By helping him cheat?!"
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The A.I.F.A then continued to further impress the class during the lunch break. She did this by creating a miniaturized version of the Venus de Milo. Double D was inspecting it with a large magnifying glass, marveling that its preciseness, craftsmanship, and its high attention to details.
"Astonishing!" He exclaimed joyfully with a big grin. The smart Ed-boy and some of the other students of the class were gathered around the artillery as she showed them what she was capable of. "It's an exact replica!"
Even Okano and Kurahashi were looking at in amazement. "So, you can even make something like this inside that body of yours?!" asked the former.
"Yes, I'm able to mold a special sort of plastic into anything I choose inside my body," said the A.I.F.A, as she also played against Chiba in a game of chest. "It's all thanks to a special 3-D printer that I use to manufacture guns. The cool thing is that I can pretty much make whatever with it, though."
"That's so neat!" Yada beamed. "Then how about you try making some flowers?"
"Especially since Ed ate the last ones she and I planted, again!" Eric complained. Ed burped out some pedals of the very same flowers he ate.
This immediately got Eddy to hack an idea in his brain. With a large, toothy grin, he opened his mouth to say something, but Ed stepped in and interrupted him. "Can you make a pie and hit me with it," he asked. Annoyed, Eddy grabbed the big boy's nose and pulled and stretch it away from Ed's face.
"That's stupid!" Eddy lets go of the nose, and just like a rubber band, went all the way back to hit Ed in between the eyes. "Can you make Jawbreakers?! Japanese flavored Jawbreaker!?"
His ear was grabbed by Eric, who yanked him away. "She's not a toy, Eddy," he scolded the short Ed-boy and lets go of him. Eddy glared and rubbed his ear. "Besides, as much as I would love a Jawbreaker, I don't think she'll be able to make them like they do in Peach Creek."
"There's a difference," asked Yada standing near the A.I.F.A, as the computer girl stared at him with a title of her head.
"Oh yeah!" Eric's lips curled to his ears in a big grin.
"We're talking about candy the size of bowling balls. Every kid in the Cul-de-Sac loved those Jawbreakers, and they were the whole reason we tried to scam the other kids." As he was explaining, Nagisa heard something from behind. So, he turned around.
Korosensei froze when he saw Nagisa staring at him, as he was about to make a stealthy exit out the window.
Nagisa sweat-dropped. "What are you doing?"
"I-I was going to ah...get something really quick," he said with stutters.
"Would this something just so happen to be in America," Eric asked rhetorically, knowing full well that he was going to go to the Candy Shop. "In a town called Peach Creek? In a candy shop near a place called Rethink Avenue?"
The teacher stood still for a moment with a few drops of sweat on his big, yellow head. Korosensei then speeded away.
"That couldn't lead to anything good," said Double D, after shielding his eyes from the wind that was blown back at him and the others.
"By the way," said Kataoka as she smiled at the A.I.F.A. "Why don't we come up with a better name for her. Autonomously Intelligent Fixed Artillery just sounds weird and a pain to say all at once."
This surprised the computer girl. She looked at the other students as they started thinking up a name for her.
"You got that right. Let me think..."
"What's Autonomously in Japanese?"
"Jiritsu."
"I've got it!" Fuwa exclaimed with a smile. "How about we call you 'Ritsu'?"
Eric smiled. "I like it!"
However, Chiba disagreed and said, "Worst name ever."
"Hey!" Fuwa turned her head to him. "No, it's adorable."
"So, what do you think," asked Maehara, as he and some of the other students that were around the A.I.F.A looked at her with smiles.
After a second to think about it, 'Ritsu' beamed a happy smile at the others. "It's wonderful! Thank you! Call me Ritsu from now on!"
As he watched, Eric walked over to where Karma was sitting at his desk. Nagisa soon came over to join them in a conversation. "She might fit in after all," said the blue-haired boy.
"Hmm... Maybe," said Karma, getting him puzzled looks from both of the other boys. The three then watched as the students crowded around her, forward intrigued by Ritsu. "It's just like Terasaka said: she just moves according to Korosensei's programming. It's not like the machine has a will of its own. I wonder what that thing's going to do after this. That's for the proprietors who made it to decide."
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Unfortunately, Lady Luck seemed to have different ideas.
'Apparently, Ritsu's creators came in last night, and they didn't like the cute side of her, so they took out all of it. Everything that Korosensei put in her that changed her monotone expression to her cheerful one was all removed that night. None of us were there that night but it must've been scary for her. Even if she was a robot, I could still feel like she was scared at her programmers changing her back.'
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The next day came, and Ritsu's body was turned back to how it was back was the day before. The small screen turned on to show Ritsu's head.
[Good morning, everyone. How are you.] she said in her monotone voice.
The students sweatdropped. She really was now back to her old self. "Oh, you got to be kidding me," Eric groaned and hit his head on his desk.
"Word came down from her inventors just last night," said Mr. Karasuma, getting the attention of the other students. He turned to Korosensei. "From now on, upgrades would be considered a break of your agreements not to harm a student." The agent then turned to Terasaka. "And as for you, tie her up again, and you're paying damages. If we break it, we buy it." The big kid scuffed and looked away.
"Oh, come on!" Eddy yelled angrily, slamming his hands on the desk. "Without the 'happy-be-nice-to-us' chip, she's just going to shoot up the place again!"
"I'm sorry," Karasuma said with closed eyes. "This is her developers' view on the matter, so all we can do is comply."
"This is the word of her inventors, is it?" Korosensei scratched his head. "Since when have I've been in the business of appeasing parents? My students' needs come first."
But nonetheless, the class started. But all thoughts were less on Korosensei's lecture and more on the machine. The Eds and Eric kept their heads forward, but they knew, just like everyone else, that Eddy was right.
Ritsu's been downgraded, that could only mean that today was going to be another constant, day-long barrage all over again.
Then Ritsu's body lights up.
"Oh no," Eric groaned.
The sides pop open.
Here it comes!
....but it never happened.
What came next, shocked all of the students. When nothing happened, the Eds and Eric—who ducked underneath their tables—emerged out from underneath them and were surprised by what they were seeing too.
The four arms of the robot were holding guns that were going to shoot Korosensei. Instead, they were each a large amount of four types of flowers.
[You wanted me to make flowers, right?]
Eric and Yada glanced at one another. "You...Ritsu y-you actually made them," he asked with a stutter.
[Yes I did. And that's not all. Look in your desks, Ed, Edd, Eddy, and Eric.]
The four friends shared a glance, wondering what she meant by that. Deciding that it was best to go ahead, they each looked in decks.
Eric gasped and reached into his deck. He then attempted to pull out what he grabbed. But it got stuck. So, he gave it a yank. Everyone gasped loudly as they witness the fractured-eye boy and his friends each pull out monstrous, bowling-ball size Jawbreakers.
"Jawbreaker!" Ed yelled with pure joy, before astonishing the normal kids even more by actually putting it in his mouth. Causing one of his cheeks to inflate as it held the candy.
Eddy and Eric had already put their candy in their mouths, but Double D tried as best as he could to restrain himself. Instead of marveling at the giant candy on his desk. "R-Ritsu, you shouldn't have," the smart-boy responded, rubbing his hands around the Jawbreaker. "But...how did you do this? I thought you were downgraded."
[Korosensei made a total of 985 modifications to my functionality. My masters deemed that nearly all of them were "unnecessary for assassinations", and they were deleted, dismantled, and reset, but from my study of the situation in E-Class, I personally deemed the "power of cooperation" to be an indispensable element of assassination and hid the related software in a corner of my memory bank before it could be erased.]
"Outstanding!" Korosensei proudly exclaimed with joy. "Ritsu, does that mean...?"
Ritsu's screen turned on again, and she was back to her joyful self. "Yes. With my own will, I went against my masters. I have free will now! And boy does it feel fantastic." Her smile was proof enough that she wasn't the same droned out Ritsu from before.
Nagisa and Kayano exchanged looks of both happiness and relief that she kept her old self. Eric looked at Yada the same way and she gave a slight happy chuckle at Ritsu. Ed and Eddy just enjoyed their jawbreakers and weren't paying attention.
"Wow. Who'd have thunk it" said Karma as he held out his hands to the pedals falling down.
Ritsu looked at Korosensei in a happy and worried manner as she held onto a little bit of her hair, in kind of a cute manner, and said
"Korosensei, If my information is correct then I think I am being what they call rebellious. That doesn't make me a terrible person right?"
Korosensei waved his tentacle side to side as he said
"No,no,no. You're just a junior high student." He then yelled loud as his face gained his signature red circle and said "and an exemplary one at that" as he held his tentacles in a circle as the class chuckled a little at his exaggerated moves.
'And just like that, Ritsu joined the Assassination Classroom as a compatriot, and the number of friends we had increased. From that moment on, we few were now 31 in total. Not how I thought I would have another friend, but I'm not complaining. E-class gained a new ally, a friend. And our chances of killing our teacher were growing.'
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{Playing Welcome Back by John Sebastian}
[Instrumentals] The opening of the ending fades into showing the old school building in the afternoon, as the sun was starting to go down.
[Welcome back, your dreams were your ticket out] The scene then cuts to show the kids of E-Class packing their bags and leaving. Eddy was asking Double D if he had today's notes, which Double D responded with a smile. Ed was packing his things, before pulling out an old piece of food from his bag and eating it.
[Welcome back, to that same old place that you laughed about] The scene cuts to show Eric exiting out of the room, only to stop when Yada ran up to him. She asked him something, to which Eric smiled and gestured for her to follow.
[Well the names have all changed since you hung around] The Eds and Eric, Yada, Nagisa, Karma, Kayano, and other students are then shown walking down the street to the train station.
[But those dreams have remained and they've turned around] The scene then cuts to show the doors of a train opening, and the kids walking out of it. They waved goodbye to one another as they went their separate ways
[Who'd have thought they'd lead ya (Who'd have thought they'd lead ya)] The view is then taken to the inside of the Eds and Eric's dorm. The front door opens and Ed runs into the dorm, followed by Eddy walking and tried, then Double D chipped, and then Eric, who closed the door behind him.
[Back here where we need ya (Back here where we need ya)] They are then shown eating dinner in the living room. Wide Eric, Eddy, and Double D ate their noodles normally, Ed slurped up all that was in the one go. This caused the others to laugh.
[Yeah we tease him a lot 'cause we got him on the spot] The Eds and Eric are then shown working on homework.
[Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back, welcome back] Just like in the intro, Eric is shown brushing his teeth in the bathroom. After a moment, he took the toothbrush out of his mouth and drank a glass of water. After swishing the water in his mouth, Eric spits it out and walked out of the bathroom, heading for his bedroom.
[Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back] Eric quickly came back in and turned off the lights, ending the outro.
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Next time: EDventure #11 "Coming to an Ed near you"
