2 Chapter 1: Where Kakashi gets a truckload of overprotective uncles
4 years old
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A young girl with long, black hair and startling amber eyes glares at a book with the fury of a thousand suns. Her cheeks are a fetching pink as she puffs up her cheeks into a pout.
Hatake Kakashi, now currently known as Amirah Collins, is definitely not amused.
She can handle being reborn into a new world as a girl. She can handle the cooing, cuddling and crowding of burly men calling themselves her uncles. Heck, she can handle the trauma from being consciously expelled from her new mother's vagina.
But she can't handle this- this blasphemy!
Wallowing in your own poop like an animal – No problem. Uncomfortably suckling milk out of your new mother's teat – No sweat. Knowing that your balls are gone to Kami knows where – Yawn. The tattered pieces of her previous pride as a shinobi fluttering into the breeze – Don't care.
Not being able to read this prime piece of literature she innocently sto-ahem borrowed from one of her uncles – Her life is over!
Kakashi, as she tries to cope and keep some of his- er her sanity, has done her best to adapt to this new world's culture. Although jarring at first, she's skilled enough as a shinobi to adjust and learn how to survive. Information is power after all, so she forces herself to learn the language in this dimension and is quite happy to successfully master the speaking part after observing her uncles and new mama. Since they're not like the spirits from the purgatory who repeated words over and over again, she has no trouble speaking her first word at the tender age of one.
Her mama was disappointed about "Fucku" though. Kakashi didn't mean to say the word – she's actually trying to say mama because she's grown fond of the woman – but she slipped once she heard one of her uncles shout it.
Kakashi still can't forget the sound of pained screams outside her room as her mother dragged her uncles to kami knows where – all the while smiling a sweet, sweet smile.
After that experience, Kakashi resolved to never say that word again. At least not in the immediate vicinity of her mother. Shinobi or not, Kakashi has enough self-preservation to know that her new kaa-san or "mama" as she persistently asks Kakashi to call her, is terrifying. Although petite and delicate-looking, Kakashi didn't miss the developed muscles and the prowling gait of her new mother. Her mama is definitely dangerous.
Oddly, it makes Kakashi love her more.
But she's getting off tangent here. The issue now is the book in her hands. The book that she's sorely tempted to burn with a lighter she snatched from a box somewhere.
(A box that she probably shouldn't have touched based on the skull drawn on its side. Kakashi's not sorry though. She's a shinobi, after all. Besides, it's one of her uncles fault for letting her near it, really. She'll snitch, if it comes down to it.)
She thought reading would be a breeze. Kakashi was excited once her mother taught her the letters of the language called English. She's looking forward to enjoying prime pieces of literature again and she's not a known as genius before for nothing. After being informed by her mother that there's lots of books in this dimension, Kakashi's been itching to get a copy of Icha-Icha or an ero-book close to it at least, when she mastered the alphabet easily.
Kakashi planned for weeks to filch-ahem temporarily take care of one of her uncles reading material. She knows it's also a literary masterpiece like Jiraiya-sama's Icha-Icha after catching her uncle's er–pleasured look when he babysat her once. It was difficult because this new body is still pudgy, but with persistence, bawling and milk, she prevailed.
She didn't account for the flying words though. The flying letters and the flying everything; it doesn't make sense. Kakashi can't read the sentences properly and the words that dance mockingly on the page doesn't seem like it will be standing still for her anytime soon.
What in kami's name does "Eddock stwayer ta Staas veallage fustdully" mean?
Kakashi squashed her childish urge to cry frustrated tears at the shitty book and instead, thought up several ways for revenge for the sheer blasphemy. Although admittedly petty, someone must pay. Someone must pay.
Any of her uncles would do because she honestly can't differentiate them apart. There's a reason why Kakashi always address them as a whole. It's too much of a bother to remember their names one by one.
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6 years old
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Kakashi is sweating and breathing heavily.
After lounging on her lazy ass as a baby, Kakashi tries to train her new body back into shape. She thinks her new mother would train her, but after two years of putting it off, she finally realizes that they did things differently here in this dimension.
Scratch that. Kakashi already noticed the difference from the start (she's not stupid) but she's still having too much fun terrorizing her uncles to bother about it.
Kakashi doesn't regret her decision though.
The horrified screams are definitely worth it.
Moving on.
Her stamina's shit and Kakashi's new body isn't doing her any favors. She apparently inherited her mama's petite stature, so Kakashi's having a harder time honing her muscles into a weapon. Her will is strong though, so with a certain green-spandexed man in mind, she promised to do twice- no thrice the workout than usual next time. She can't do it this time because Kakashi doesn't want to push this frail body too much.
Kakashi contemplates shouting "youth" at top of her lungs in the memory of her "eternal rival" as she finishes her final lap around the clearing, but deems it as an overkill to do so. No.
Gai's brutal training regime will be enough.
Kakashi isn't that insane yet to emulate Gai's lotus blossom references and youthfulness. Nope. Not yet, and if Kakashi would have her way, not ever.
But Kakashi needs all the help she can get.
After all, she can't use her chakra anymore.
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Kakashi, when she first came into this dimension, didn't feel an ounce of chakra in herself or in her surroundings. She chalked it up to her young age and the issue slipped her mind as she became increasingly preoccupied with her new family.
She tried tapping into it from time to time over the years, but her continuous meditations prove to be fruitless. It seems that there really isn't any chakra here and, after suffering a small breakdown at the thought, she adapted as she always has and survived.
After a few months though, there is a breakthrough.
There's a power in this world. There's a power inside her. Not chakra, no, but something akin to it. When she becomes aware of the swirling mass inside her, Kakashi feels energized beyond belief. It makes her feel that she can do anything and everything with adrenaline pumping in her veins. It's what she feels before a good fight, anticipating a skillful spar with an equally powerful jounin.
Kakashi only tries using it recently in her training and, surprisingly, it gives her the strength she imagines Gai must have as a taijutsu master. A punch could break trees, when she tries it once but it seems like her body is not strong enough to handle the strain. It drains her a bit too so she strives to train herself harder to get used to the feeling.
At first, her mama is amused at Kakashi's so-called "training" but after seeing her potential and the broken arm that took weeks to heal after trying her power at a decidedly big rock, her mother decides to help her out a bit.
Surprisingly, like Kakashi, her mother favors unusual methods in training her subordinates. Yes, her mama has subordinates because she's apparently a high-ranking military officer in this dimension, one that whips soldiers into shape.
Kakashi, along with training her speed, stamina, strength and flexibility, is now taking up ballet with some of her more foolish uncles that dared laugh at her pink tutu the other day.
It was strangely fun and Kakashi's toying with the idea of incorporating some of the moves in her fighting style.
She could do without the pink ensemble though.
Although Kakashi addresses herself as a girl, she still can't let go the vestiges of her manly pride behind.
She resolved to innocently rip the costume into shreds the next time one of her uncles does the laundry as punishment.
Kakashi still had to cover her bases, after all.
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9 years old
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Kakashi hides behind Uncle Peter - the odd one she probably likes the most out of the set of uncles she was gifted with because of his hobby of making pretty but lethal weapons - in consternation.
Her mama, apparently, wants her to go to an infernal place filled with little snotty demons for Kakashi's "own good".
Yes.
She's going to school.
School. The horror. Kakashi couldn't help but stagger a little when she heard the news from her mother.
Looking up at the curly-haired man in pleading, she tries her best in convincing him to her side. After all, he slips her some golden-tipped daggers sometimes. In Kakashese, that meant he's practically wrapped around her finger. Kakashi's sure with a bit of eyelash-batting, she can get her way. She can gulp down any remaining pride down to use her er- feminine wiles if it comes down to it.
Kakashi takes a moment – only a moment, though - to close her eyes in regret.
Yes, Kakashi is willing to go there and beyond if it meant going without the whole school shebang.
The tattered pieces miraculously left of her ego were a small price to pay if it means she can get out of this shit.
"Uncle Peter. I'm okay being home-schooled. I like spending time with all of my uncles and mama. Don't you guys want me here anymore?" Kakashi pouts prettily, making sure the angle of the sun hits her just right for maximum effect.
Her uncle puts up a good fight, but she can see him weakening. Kakashi doesn't blame him. She is disgustingly adorable, after all. All of her uncles were weak in face of the dere-dere attitude she sometimes pulls out of her ass when she needed something from them. Even with all the pranks and mind-games she subjects them in mind, they still fall for it. Masochists, all of them are.
It gives Kakashi hope when he proceeds to turn to her mother and open his mouth to speak. It was quickly dashed, however, when he stops then shudders in fear from the sparkly smile her mother is wearing.
...She can't really blame him. That particular expression connotes bad, bad things.
The man coughs to hide his lapse in composure – not that he was fooling anyone - and ruffles her dark hair fondly instead. "Amirah. Sarah's right. You should spend time with children your age. It's not healthy to spend all of your time training with foolish old men." He attempts to say wisely. Protests come from the other uncles watching the show. "Besides, I know you can handle it. You'll make friends in no time."
Puffing her cheeks up huffily, Kakashi sets her sights on her other uncles for help. Moving in front of the rest of them smoothly, she widens her eyes and clasps her hands in pleading. "Uncle John, Uncle Russel?" She asks, blinking her lashes profusely. "Uncle Matt? Uncle Sirius? Please? Uncle Zane?" When not a sound was heard, she sighs and continues dramatically – hand on her heart just because. "Uncle Emmett? Please side with me, at least? They abandoned me all. Help me convince, mama."
Frozen from shock, Kakashi's uncles look at her uncomprehendingly. Wincing from the stupefied look on their face, Kakashi decides that they won't be able to help her either in their current state. Just her luck. They decided to get stunned over her shit this time. Damn it. She knows she should have built their tolerance to that particular psychological attack first.
"Mou. Amirah. We talked about this, didn't we?" Her mama says soothingly as she rests her hands on Kakashi's shoulders. "Come on, dear or you'll be late for your first class. You know that the military base is far from your new school and mama has a lot to do today."
Caving in at the unspoken warning, Kakashi wilts and tries to look like a kicked puppy as a last ditch effort. It fails when not even one glances at her, traitorous bastards that they are. Saying an imperceptible farewell, Kakashi drags her feet in defeat as she is lead to her fate.
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Omake #1: Where Sarah Collins is a very badass mother.
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Sarah Collins is a very smart woman.
She hasn't clawed her way to the top in the military for nothing, so even though she loves her daughter very much, she knows that Amirah is, for the lack of better word, strange.
Since her daughter was a baby, Sarah was mindful of the intelligence Amirah has. Her daughter is very aware of everything that's happening to her, even as an infant she was not very fussy and would only cry when she needed her nappy change. She's also advanced for her age, walking and talking at the age of one.
Amirah has been the light of the military base since she was born. Her mischievousness made the place lively and her persistence is awe-inspiring. Even at a young age, her daughter worked hard in overcoming her dyslexia and in training her body. Beating up new recruits is one of their bonding time as a mother and daughter and Sarah accepts the eccentricities that come with the package.
Although Amirah's birth has generated some backlash for Sarah, she doesn't really mind. She couldn't care less about the insults from the people around her. They could all go to hell for all she cared, because she refuses to think loving someone she couldn't have as a mistake. Without him, she wouldn't have Amirah and she wouldn't trade Amirah for anything in the world.
However, as much as Sarah would love to keep her daughter safe by her side, she knows that Amirah needs all the protection she can get. Sending her to school is a risk that needs to be done because Sarah needs to find a way to contact the one who would lead her daughter to safety. Her daughter's not getting any younger and, from what Ares told her before he left, monsters are coming.
Sarah hopes this risk would pay off because if it wouldn't, god or not, she would find a way to torture her former lover's hide slowly and painfully. She can forgive him for leaving her but if any harm comes to her daughter, blood would flow. She would make sure of it.
Waving farewell at her sulking daughter, Sarah drives off to tort- ahem train more recruits.
The level of quality in the military academy must have lowered if they can be easily beaten by her nine-year-old kid.
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Omake #2: Where Kakashi is a good caretaker of pets.
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Kakashi sulks and looks outside the window of her mother's car blankly – feeling a lot like a main character of b-grade movie but going with it anyway because her mood practically deserves a melancholy background song.
Despite her mother's low-opinion of her social skills, Kakashi knows can interact with people her age just fine thank you very much. Her idiosyncrasies aside, she's pretty normal – or as normal as a reincarnated shinobi can be. Like, Kakashi even ditched the reading porn in public thing and the lateness because the existence of her mama was enough incentive to get her shit together.
She's tame compared to Gai, at least.
And she is not lying about the social skills.
As far as Kakashi is concerned, it is easy handling prepubescent kids.
As she wisely advised to her fellow jounin-sensei's in the past – not that they ever listened to her mind you -, treat them like puppies. Pat them in the head when they did something good, rough them up if they did otherwise, and give them enough space so they could learn independence and initiative.
And, Kakashi - Kakashi's a pro in taking care of puppies.
Just ask her ninken.
Not Pakkun though, because the pug's a sassy, sassy thing, but the others worships her just fine.
...It worked on her cute little genin, at least. And every other genin she had ever handled after that.
To get back to her point, however, she can interact with kids her own age. Quite well, in fact. But just because she can doesn't mean she actually likes to do so.
She can actually feel her soul curling inwards at the thought of being thrown in with immature brats.
"We're here." Her mother says excitedly as they stopped in front of a huge, brownstone building. Sticking her head out of the window, Kakashi winces a little when she sees the fancy stone archway and preppy design of the building. Damn it all to hell, Goode High School seems to be the kind of school stuck-ups and snoots went to.
She wonders if she could still run for it.
The rumbling sound of the car's engine cut off.
It sounds oddly foreboding.
Shit.
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Omake #3: Where Kakashi discovers gender-specific rooms are a thing.
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Kakashi stands outside the comfort room uncomfortably – valiantly ignoring the stares people shot her as she experiences a bit of existential crisis.
Damn it. She knows she should have peed in the house first. She shares with her mama so it wasn't an issue but...well.
Kakashi wonders if she can pee in the garden instead.
"Do you need help?" A kind-looking man with salt and pepper hair starts behind her. He gestures towards the door that says female in it. "The girls toilet's here."
Kakashi turns and hopes her face isn't as red as she thought. "Er- thank you, sir." She says perfunctorily.
The man – likely a teacher – seems to misunderstand her reaction and explains good-naturedly. "We have students with dyslexia here so no need to be shy or embarrassed. We're an understanding bunch here." He smiles. "It's fine."
With the teacher's gaze on her, Kakashi takes a deep breath and marches towards the door – dragging her feet in dread. The door creaks almost forbiddingly as she opens it inch by inch and the sight that greets her-
The sight that greets her is disappointingly anti-climactic. Clean cubicles line up to the side with a neat set of mirrors and sinks on the other. There isn't a soul to be seen.
Kakashi shuts her eyes for a moment at the stupidity of it all.
This is ridiculous.
She is being ridiculous.
After Kakashi does her business, she shakes her head ruefully on her way out.
Her uncles' idiocy is rubbing off on her, damn it. That's, like, the only conclusion possible. Kakashi's supposed to be desensitized to this, for kami's sake.
Seriously. Kakashi sighs. Why is she making such a big deal out of this?
(Kakashi squashes the voice inside her screaming out how everything isn't real. How this is an illusion and she's just fooling - deluding herself that she's fine. That she's fine that she can't just die. That she's fine being played with gods and dancing to their tune because of their fuck-ups. That she's fine that everything she knew and everything she worked hard for was gone in a blink. Kami, even her gender's taken away from her like it was nothing.
Is she even Kakashi – a name she turns to for comfort so she wouldn't forget - anymore?
Stepping into the girl's toilet, as absurd as the thought is, seems like a step. And it isn't for the better.
She isn't fine. Not by a long shot.
But she acts like she was because, maybe if she tries hard enough, she won't break.
She can't afford do that.
Not when she has a family – people to call hers again.)
...
..
.
Moving towards her first class – Gym when she checks the schedule she is given with -, Kakashi pauses at the sight of furiously running kids around the building with a short buff-looking man screaming his head off.
"What's happening?" She asks a red-haired girl beside her discretely.
The girl grins hesitantly. "Coach Hedge likes to make us run laps on our first day of school sometimes. He says it's to whip us back into shape." She gestures towards the changing room on the other end. "You're new, right? Um. We change to our uniforms, there."
Kakashi nods. "Thank you. I-"
"What are you doing, brats?" The buff-haired man booms out impatiently, startling them. "Come on. Get to it! Time's a wasting."
Kakashi runs and follows the girl 's lead – walking inside the girl's changing room unthinkingly.
She freezes at the sight she is greeted with.
It takes a lot of effort for her to get moving and start changing into the clothes her mother packed into her bag as numerous girls walk around in their underclothes.
Kakashi inhales.
Exhales.
Then, she turns around in her own nook and grudgingly accepts that this would be her life now.
(And no.
She can't do anything about it.)
