1. Kāishî

'The beginning is always today.' Mary Shelley.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

In and out.

Ella opened her eyes and stared at her laptop screen again, eyes fixated on the eight-letter word in large blue letters.

ACCEPTED.

She practiced her breathing exercise again, closed her eyes, exhaled, and opened them. But the word was still there, from the very same sender with the same congratulatory note underneath it.

"I got it." She whispered almost disbelievingly.

Heart pounding fast she felt her cheeks split from ear to ear as she grasped hold of reality again.

She squealed this time and fist-bumped the air. "I got it! I got the job!" Holding her laptop close to her chest she settled back on the plush rug on her bedroom floor, heart still racing wildly and her brain already working out the details of what this meant for her.

"I'm moving to New York." She whispered unbelievably yet smiled again and began squealing lying on her back and kicking her feet in the air. "I'm going to New York!"

*

Margaret Hart was not happy. It didn't take an expert to figure that out.

After relaying the news of being accepted to work at a major company in the big city, Ella had received a hug and a kiss from her father, congratulatory words and ones of encouragement.

Her mother however had been staring at the flowered patterned vase and the blooming Irises in them like they were suddenly the most interesting things in the world. But if her scowl became any deeper, the flowers will wilt from its intensity.

"Mom?" Ella started cautiously. "Aren't you going to say anything?"

She counted in her head and prayed that her mother's answer was beneficial to her.

After what seemed like a lifetime of counting and praying. Her mother finally lifted her gaze away from the vase, perfectly coiffed hair as dark as Ella's own softly swaying, her green eyes so unlike her own though seeming to pierce through her very soul.

She exhaled and closed her eyes. Ella knew what was going through her head at this point. The same thing had also plagued her thoughts weeks before finally deciding to send in an application letter and the weeks after.

A single glance at her father and he nodded seemingly grasping the situation. He grabbed his newspaper and coffee mug and left the living room but not before kissing Ella on her forehead and whispering how proud he was of her. Ella read the remaining unspoken words behind his meaning. 'I'm proud of you for letting it all go.'

Nevertheless, the words still brought a smile to her face and tears to her eyes.

She sat beside her mother on the loveseat, her eyes not fixated on the vase or the flowers, but the painting hanging above their fireplace.

It was the Chinese character for the word 'beginning'. 'Kāishî' it read.

Her parents had procured it during a trip to China.

Ella always found it fascinating. And now she finally saw the meaning behind the word. Beginning: to start afresh or start something new.

Getting a job and leaving Connecticut was her kāishî. And she was determined to start afresh. Too long she had spent living in the confines of her parent's home. Too afraid to go into the world after years of feeling guilt, shame, and pain.

She was done feeling that way. She was done with therapy, done with making such mistakes in her life. She was going to start afresh, she was going to start anew.

"I know what you're thinking, mom." She was still observing the character. "But I'm ready. Staying indoors, locking myself away from civilization isn't going to help me much longer." She placed a reassuring hand on her mother's shoulder and offered a light pat. "I'm strong and you know that. Now more than ever. Do you understand?"

Her mother lowered her head and placed a hand on her chest while the other gripped the arm of the loveseat. "Are you though?" She turned to face her look alike and only child. "You didn't fall from a bike, didn't break a leg, didn't lose any limb, you lost you..." She exhaled shakily and gripped the loveseat tighter the hand on her chest now a fist. "I'm just looking out for you."

Tears welled up in Ella's eyes a gut-wrenching feeling so intense she had to breathe in and out before speaking. "I know. And you've done so marvelously, and I appreciate you for that. But it's time to move on now. To start afresh."

After what seemed like another lifetime her mother turned around to face her. "Will this make you happy? Moving? Can you handle it?"

She nodded. "If I couldn't I wouldn't have applied for the job. It's what I've always wanted ma. You know that, right?"

Her mother's emerald eyes glimmered with unshed tears yet she nodded her understanding. "Since you saw When Harry Met Sally. You were obsessed with that movie and I have no idea why?" A smile had formed on her mother's face, the sight bringing a smile to hers.

"Because it's a great movie, as a writer you should know the power of true love, shouldn't you?"

Margaret smiled wistfully. "Oh, but I do. I married mine."

Ella knew this was true. She had witnessed how much her parents loved each other. On more than one occasion.

"I need a chance, ma, to feel alive again." She held her hands in hers squeezing lightly. "Just one."

Her mother watched their entwined hands before her gaze lifted to the vase and the dark purple flowers in them, her hand on her chest uncurling from a fist came towards Ella's neck to lightly touch the locket that rested there. She looked Ella in her eyes again and sighed, that look meant determination. And nothing could stop Ella when she was determined. She should know, she took after her after all. She sighed again and tucked a strand of her daughter's unruly hair behind her ear. "You're sure you can handle this?"

She watched Ella's eyes rest above the fireplace and saw a bright smile light up her face before nodding eyes still on the painting and secretive smile on her lips. "Yes, ma. I'm positive."

Margaret exhaled and glanced once more at the vase and the Iris flowers. "When do you start packing?"