.Falling.

My name is Luciel Traynor. According to others I am the most perfect human being but for me there is only one perfect creature and she is mine.My only love who helped me every time I needed her and never looked for my money. She always wanted my love. My dear Kate...

I'm in love with her.

She never leaves my mind, She's always there, mentally if not physically. It's just incomprehensible. She's my one stable force, my one stability in a world filled with chaos and I so desperately need that in my life. I love her so much for that. I'm in love with her and I can't believe she belongs to me.

This feeling is so strange,it stretches throughout my whole body. It's overwhelming, yet makes me feel complete. It has no bound nor length nor depth, it's just absolute. It feels as though I'm in a dangerous fire, yet I'm completely safe at the same time. It feels as though someone's given me peace. It feels as though my heart is dancing around my chest,and a hole, I was never aware was there, has been filled. I feel so light, like I'm on top of the world yet my heart is constricting and it feels as if there's no oxygen in my lungs.

It's strange – frightening even – how you can go from someone being a complete stranger, to then being completely infatuated by them and wondering how it ever was that you were able to live without them, because you sure as hell couldn't imagine being without them now. I know we're only young, and most people would consider me to be foolish and naïve, but it's true when I say that I love her more than I could ever love myself. She's my best friend and, as cheesy as it sounds, She's the only women I will ever love. My one stability in this world with chaos.

The moments when i trace her lip lightly with the tip of my finger. It pouts slightly, and I have such an urge to bite it, to kiss it, to wrap us up in a quilt and listen to our gentle breathing, watching the cotton ripple like skipping stones and sharing crooked smiles.

My lip feels slightly chapped under her feather light touches but I simply cannot bring myself to give a damn. I gaze so intently at each divot of that lip, as if it could map out ancient seas and college plans and tell me everything I don't know. And I don't want to look up. Because if I look up, I may find myself at the mercy of questioning eyes, pleading, begging to know what I was doing, and I'm not at liberty to say because I simply do not know.

"Do I love you?" I cannot form an answer with my lips because I am so focused on Her's.Because her love is so whole, my missing pieces appear. Because her touch carries such passion, what was scarred becomes soft once more. Because her are steady and patient, my open wounds have time to seal and vanish. Perhaps that is why they say love is such magic, this gift from the universe, this sweet addiction to the women I was born to find. For with my twin soul, the only other born in the same flame as I, we are able to bathe one other in warmth and light as easily as we breathe, immune and oblivious to darkness.

My Kate I just can't wait to marry her and have the family I always wanted.

Until....

..... The accident snatched her away from me...

Then the memory passes, my eyes seeing once more, my ears hearing the here and now. I wish I had known just how painful my fixation on her lips would be, because loving the rest of her is a  torture, and sometimes I look back and wonder if i could have even stopped myself, warned myself away from such elegant heartbreak. Would I have even listened? I am alone without her and want her embrace and the warm kiss.

Or would the slight tickle of her breath expelling from that goddamn lip cause my words to stick to my throat, plastering themselves to my trachea and refusing to dispel into the palpable air and the silence would have carried on forever and ever, until we dispersed into dust and scattered ourselves between remains of atoms of an age long gone - until a time I might hear your voice echo through the nothing.

Fate is as cruel as death, which was something i knew first hand. They were the demons in my life, the ones that held onto her neck so tight they squeezed the air out of her. Yet i figured that at least fate would get tired of suffocating, that its clutches would numb. Love was like that, when it got in its strongest, it always weakened and eventually let go. Even so, love was powerful, but fate was unstoppable.

After losing her the colors seemed to fade away everything was black and white and everyone seemed a betrayer to me.I was afraid to fall in love with anyone else now. Was there anyone for me who canove me like she did?  Who can give me the feeling like she did?

All other women's are just toys. They only want my money not my heart. Now I was nothing but a cold, heartless monster with no heart.

The only women that I ever loved, I lost her and couldn't save her. This made me frustrated about each and everything in my life.