1 Hiding emotions

Don't let your emotions get out of hand. That is, don't hide how you feel. If you feel stressed, under pressure or a lot of weight is being put on your shoulders, then you have to let that out somehow. The best way to deal with this is to open up to somebody. Let me demonstrate.

Imagine you are a high school student (like me.) and you hold most of the responsibilities in your home. You take out the trash, do the dishes, take care of your sibling when your parent (who is single.) is not feeling well.

Or let's say you do have another adult in the house. Let's say that adult doesn't take any of the responsibilities. You feel frustrated. Enraged. You get so mad, why your vision has turned red like the blood that is boiling with rage inside your veins. Your mind even starts to go into a rage induced state.

But, there's a catch. You live in an apartment complex. Therefore, there is someone right above you, possibly sleeping. You know that you can't scream the way you want to. So what do you do? The only thing you can do, keep it to yourself.

That's what I did. I kept it to myself. That was my mistake. I didn't confide in the people I trusted. I should have. But I didn't. I just kept feeling all these emotions and not knowing what to do with them. Like a kitten in the woods, or like a stray dog who has ran away, I was lost. I didn't know what to do. I was too embarrassed to tell my mom. I felt as though everyone I could tell wouldn't take me seriously.

If you know what it's like to hide your feelings, then you will understand what I'm about to tell you. Keeping your emotions to yourself is like building a wall around you. Every time something happens, or rather, another weight is added to your shoulder, and you tell no one but yourself, a brick gets put delicately put into place.

Someone's bullying you, and you don't open up? Another brick. Someone makes fun of the color you dyed your hair, and you just let it go, even if it affected you drastically? Another brick. Someone says that you're mentally retarded, but still you tell no one? Another brick. More bricks get placed, one after the other, you feel frustrated, but still you won't open your heart? Now, there's no place to put a brick. You've run out. Because the wall is complete.

Then? Well then, you begin to cry. You feel so lonely that you're now upset. You realize, you can't comfort yourself in someone's warm grasp of soothing words because you won't open up. And now you're sitting. Alone. Inside of your little wall of emotions. Or rather, your wall of stubbornness, your wall of embarrassment, frustration, rage, and sadness.

It starts out as a whimper. The tiniest little thing. Not even a mouse could that whimper. And that makes you fell even worse because if a mouse can't or won't listen, then why would your family? Why would your friends? You don't have a loved one.

Then, that whimper turns to a weep. The weep turns to a sob, which turns to a tear, who's gently running down your cheek, tickling your face somewhat.

That doesn't help you either.

You're still in the dark. Trapped by a wall that you built with your bare hands. That makes you realize, you did this to yourself. You are the reason why nobody is there. You are why you're currently sitting in the dark. And that tear? That tear begins to fall to the ground, in about as much pain as you are.

Then, that's when you start to cry. That's when you've given up hope. And now your tears, why the way they are flowing out of your eyes and into the ground. You think to yourself, no one knows what this is like. So you begin to believe that no one can help.

The waterworks really start kicking in now, why now your tears are starting to flow down this land of despair you created. Out of this lonely, lonely kingdom you rule. The flowing turns into a stream. The stream turns into a river, the river into a lake.

You watch as your emotions drain out of you and into the open land. You could've done this another way, but still you refuse to open up, so now you have a massive flood on your hands. You cry, and you cry, and you cry.

And now your wall, why it's not a wall anymore! Now it's a dam. A dam keeping everything locked away, your emotions screaming on the inside, clawing their way out of you, but you keep it under lock and key.

But then, someone on the outside, why they found the key. To open you up. You continue crying, but this time it's tears of joy! For someone has found the key! And your wall? Why now it's been crumbled to dust by all the flooding of emotions you kept locked away.

The anger, the hate, the stress, the frustration, it's gone now! Why, it feels as if your emotions were the master and you were the slave! You're free!

Oh your emotions, how they scream and cry out with glee! They burst through every hole in your body, letting the world know that you have feelings again! The excitement! It's as if you've been born anew! Because now, you're not in the dark. You're not alone anymore.

The first person you go to is your parent. (which in my case is my mother.) You tell them, you open up, finally free of the burden you've been keeping inside you all along!

The reason behind this secrecy? You didn't want to be weak. You didn't want to be the table scraps left after dinner, no you wanted to be the main course. The strongest part.

Because for so long, you've felt like you had to be. But now's your chance. Your chance to let it all out. That's what I did.

After realizing that I had held my emotions to myself for too long, I finally opened up. (to a group of girls including my sister no less.) They just burst out of me, waiting to be freed.

To think, that's all it took, was to open up. So simple but yet so hard to do.

And that's why you should never let your emotions get out of control. You'd be a ticking time bomb, waiting to blow. Keeping your emotions to yourself, it's not healthy. If you keep them to yourself for too long, and if it's a strong enough reaction, you could hurt yourself or the people around you.

I learned my lesson. I'm never going to hide how I feel ever again.