1 Chapter 1 - Unspoken feelings

I fell like shit since the day all of us brothers took off the house and pretend to be responsible adults. Well except me and Ososmatsu at least, while oldest brother just stayed at home acting like a kid, I followed my brothers. Staying home with just the two of us would be too awkward. So I became homeless, because I'm such a piece of garbage and gave up on idea of getting a job without even trying seeing it useless. Even after reconnection I still have a feeling of uneasiness and anxiety when someone points out something about me that bothers me. It mostly escalating around my brothers, who acts like it never happened and that's makes me jealous of their careless. Why do I always have to feel this way. It's so annoying.

I was just thinking about this past memories when someone called my name, bringing me back to reality.

- Ichimatsu, Ichimatsu! - I jumped on my place when I noticed everyone was looking at me.

- Y-ye? - I asked unsteadily.

- I was calling you like ten times Ichimatsu, toss the salt - said Osomatsu looking kind of annoyed while I gave him salt cellar - Really, you were spacing out a lot recently, is something bothering you Ichichan?

- Not really - I answered evasively. Look at someone else dumbass.

- No, no, something definitely is up, right Choromatsu? - the eldest turned to his younger brother with lively look at his face.

- Yea, I notice it too, but I thought it was just temporary thing so I didn't said anything, but if even Osomatsu-niisan is seeing it then something is definitely wrong, what do you thing guys? - He asked and all of our brothers twisted their heads in pondering.

- Hey, what do you even mean? - I asked outraged.

- Hm, now that you mention it, recently Ichimatsu has become more violent towards me, I want to help my brother dealing with his unspoken feelings, but it's becoming more painful every day - said Karamatsu, when I looked at him with the murderous aura around me, he quickly looked away. Yes, yes, turn around, you'll be dead by tomorrow anyways.

- Hm? I don't know what are you all talking about, Ichimatsu-niisan is his normal self, I haven't noticed anything weird at all - said Jushimatsu with mouth full of food. At least one person is on my side, thanks Jushi.

- Well, for you Jushimatsu running around all day with a mouth open is a normal thing, so sorry but your opinion is useless - Jushimatsu just ignored his brothers rude comment and filled his mouth with even more food. Not getting any reply from his brother Osomatsu turned to me with a sneaky smile on his face. It doesn't going to end up well - Now Ichimatsu, tell your onichan what's bothering you, okay? You know you can tell me anything right? - he asked dragging the last word and starting patting my head. I couldn't take this anymore, I sanded up pushing my brother away.

- I told you already that I'm fine! Jeez, why are you all so annoying?! - I shouted accidently hitting the table and pouring soy souse all over Todomatsu, who was looking at phone the whole time, now he finally looked at me.

- Look what have you done you stupid dumbass! Now I'm all messy! - he said looking at his pajama with disgusted look. I turn to him with annoyance.

- Ha? It's your fault that you were looking at your phone the whole time Totty - when I said that younger boy looked at me angry.

- What the- what's your problem?! Why are you such an edge lord all the time? You know you doesn't impress anyone, right? - he asked and now we were staring at each other intensively without blinking and I'm definitely not going to close my eyes first.

- Hey, hey buraza, how about hearing my new calming song that I wrote specially on that king of occa-

- Shut up Shittymatsu! - we said synchronously and Karamatsu sited down with a sad look at his face.

- Oy, it's your fault Osomatsu-niisan - whispered Choromatsu to his older brother - Do something!

- Eh? What can I do? - he asked and when Choromatsu haven't stopped looking at him intensively he added - don't worry, they will calm down is a minute.

We were standing like this and looking at each other for so long that the others have finished their breakfast a long time ago. Jushimatsu run off first heading to the training probably, screaming "Hustle, hustle, muscle, muscle" for the whole way out. It was just five of us in the room right now, the sitting three was glancing at each other not sure what to do. My eyes hurts really badly, I can tell how dry they are, but Totty is having a hard time keeping his eyes open too. He will blink soon, he have to. Then we heard that Osomastu is sighting and getting up giving us tired look.

- Okay guys, I think that's enough, let's call it a draw, ne? - he suggested giving us a warm smile.

- No, until this idiot apologizes - said Todomatsu with determined sight.

- Who are you calling an idiot, idiot?! - I asked grabbing Todomatsus shirt.

- Let me go! - he shouted moving lively trying to free himself from my grip.

- Ichimatsu enough! Something is definitely wrong with you recently! Get a ahold of yourself - said Choromatsu and I look at him reproachfully.

- You too Fappymatsu?!

- I told you not to call me like this! - he replied getting all red.

- Ha, ha, but it's still funny - commented Osomatsu laughing - Okay, okay, as the oldest brother I'm announcing truce, now Ichimatsu let Totty go and shake your hands - I strengthen my grip and ripped my eyebrows, but I didn't said anything.

- Ichimatsu - I heard Karamatsus voice behind me and focused all my attention at him - if you want to unleash your anger at someone let it be me, don't hesitate and give it all to m- I didn't let him finish.

I let go of Todomatsu and with all strength I gathered from this morning I punch Shittymatsu right in the face. His powerless body flew to the other side of the room hitting wall behind him with a loud noise. Unable to resisting any more I rubbed my eyes, the feeling of relief fulfil my body, I feeled a little better now. But I lose to Totty, fuck, it's all your fault Shittymatsu, you always doing things like this even though you'll never get anything in return. Unpleasant feeling filled my body once again. I have to get out of there.

- I'm going out - I said suddenly while all my brothers were looking at me speechless I slowly left the room.

- In pajama? - shouted after me Choromatsu. Fuck, he's right! Oh well it doesn't matter that much, I'm wearing sweatpants and slippers everyday after all. I took my dirty purple hoodie and went out ignoring black clouds ahead of me.