I really like this story, so far, it was well written. but i couldn't say much about the character/story, since it's haven't developed that much. i'm looking forqard for the next chapter :)
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Naise Story. You can add many conflict and many solution. Its very good for me as a newbie. I everything make a some novel... But not good yet Like your exactly. I m really thanks for you because it is give some inspiration to make novel be a good novel.
In like your writing here. Although I have to note that there are some typos, I think you should check again before uploading the next one. I really like Maggie as the filler! Can we meet more of him in the future?? Peace out.