1 Chapter 1-There is a light that never goes out

There's this tiny light flickering in the distance. A light that never goes out. So tiny it could have been bigger up close. Perhaps bigger than the chair I'm sitting on. Or this house. Or maybe this place. The universe perhaps. I could have been wrong. It could have been just a tiny candle in some humble home while a young boy read his poem to his mom. Or a light in some distant traffic. A star. Descending from the night and decided to go home. A mirage. From some distressed boat in the middle of an ocean. It could be someone else's tear falling like a meteor in the sky. For tonight everyone just waited in the aisle as they waived their hand. I don't know if is it for you? Where are you anyway? I am waiting, too, waiting for your hand. Stretch your hand for me. Reach mine. Touch my palm. I have the light shining bright in my hand. It is for you. It's just that it is so blinding you never noticed who I am. You must have forgotten my name and the name of places, or the faces we have met. It is forgivable. The way people people forget the faces and places they have been. The way people felt so lost when they finally found their destiny. It must have been tragic. For no one understand the way you were heading. Like arrows bent and folded on to itself. Or street signs that was clearly defaced. Who would understand the way you feel? I do. When the weather so hot and humid suddenly turned soggy and wet. You mirrored a shadow in the puddle in front of you. This place...is nowhere. I guess There's plenty of reason people leave this city. And yours is just a number. A minor aberration. There's a thing called photon that often struggle to find its rightful place in a double slit experiment. We could be one on those dots. Trickling slowly. Unmindful of the pattern we create. In the end You and I won't make a dent in the space time continuum. This city still stands on its grimy feet wether you are here or somewhere out of breath. Your matter is a tiny pulsating string. A wave. Or maybe just a particle that flaps its way in the stretched darkness of this huge empty city. It's filthy everywhere. But I see you. I...see...you. Moving. Gliding. Your hair swept by the blowing of the easterly wind. You gaze in the vastness of the open sea. Here I am. Here...I...am....

Chapter 1.

Taito and Adele

"Dreaming again huh, Taito." Adele patted my back. She offered me a cigarette but I declined. "Sure you don't want a cigarette?"

I'm pretty sure about it. "No, I got three relatives that died from it."

"That is sad." But it did not bother her a bit. Like who cares if three thousand died from a second hand smoke. She lit up a cigarette and blew a series of smoky ring up in the air. Adele is seventeen. Young lithe beautiful girl who prolly know more vices than I do. She wore a huge sunglasses and white coverall like she's a member of the group Bananarama. And to hear the name...Taito? Ah! My name is Titus not Taito. I am nineteen. I have no idea why she kept calling me Taito. But I admit being with a seventeen year old girl is kind of cool for me. It was a foggy night. The kind that enveloped you and make one blur at a distance. " It's cold tonight. I'm freezing."

I am wearing a heavy jacket myself.

" Where did your mind travel this time?" She asked.

" Someplace. I'm not sure..." I replied.

"Like you don't know the place but you were there probably stranded huh? "

"Sort of." I muttered.

" You know I travelled a lot....physically....when I was little." She continue.

I am drinking my second brew of black coffee. "Didn't know that. Tell me about your travels."

We were sitting at a small cafeteria in A_______. It is a small restaurant sitting at the edge of a cliff overlooking the town of T_______. It was a cold night and the dense fog around make it hard to view the flickering lights of the town below. My stars must have been aligned with her because she seemed to have a knack of finding me in odd places. I don't know if she was a real friend or just some sort of an acquaintance. I am at lost. She was...just there for me. This young girl probably obsessed with Demi Moore that she cut her hair short like the one she portrayed in the movie 'Ghost.' That movie. Ah gorgeous movie. But I don't want to be Patrick Swayze's character.

"We moved like....I don't know...huh...gazillion times for like so many places in Asia,Africa and Europe. It's crazy. We fucking move every three goddamn weeks...and whenever it's my turn to ask. My Dad always reason out--it's work. "

I joined in her sentiment. "Work that feeds the mouth. "I muttered.

"Work that made us bought things. Unnecessary things. Things I prolly wanted. Or never wanted but given to me as a gift. It's only by the time I was thirteen that it sink into me that Dad was into visiting power plants checking every nook and cranny. And people said I was the coolest kid around with a Dad like that. How's that? And I said Yeah my Dad was cool. Though we rarely talk much. I don't know. One day....I was fifteen then. He just gave me that sort of blank stare."

"It's a discovery for him. Everyone grow up. Father can easily figure that out." I said.

"Yeah, That I am a kid no more." She blushed.

"That blank stare of madness....prolly thinking....oh my daughters grown up now."

" Yeah. That sort that makes every kid kind of irritated because we like being alone. "

"Or maybe he's asking what have my daughter become?" I replied.

"Haha. Probably. It's the age of discovery. Discovering ourselves. Discovering what is outside of the glass we are encased. " There was a long pause. She was uneasy.

"Discovering pain..." she muttered.

I am feeling Adele. She was talkative. But she's on point.

"And one day...." she continued. "When Dad was home. He just kind of sit in front of me. On the dinner table. And....I felt the coldness in his stare. Its strange. I know we're just growing apart."

"People got issues from time to time and often do that kind of cold stare." I muttered.

" No. Not that Taito. There's this distance. A breathable space where...you and I can be conscious of...in times of pure silence. I can feel that space grow apart. I began to dig deep inside me and I realized the simplest of things. That I need to be there. Be there for him. Support him. Be a family. "

"Think so?" I said.

"And may I asked why you are stuck here when as you say should be there with your Dad right now? I'm a little confuse."

"That's when I reached sixteen...I told my Dad that we gotta stop moving coz I get dizzy with this moving in and out of airports and hotels. It's freaking me out. I literally got no friends...Then he asked me what I wanted to do. I said I just wanted to go where Mom is...this is after countless freaky big argument inside hotel rooms. Hotel rooms are supposed to be travel friendly, right? But the sight of it kind of wear me out. It's like oh no not again Dad. It's becoming a sort of prison. One day Dad and I were walking in the streets of Moscow and he knew I wasn't enjoying any of it. I am sixteen for Gods sake. I want to be with people my age! That night after I locked myself in my room he finally let go of me. That I am becoming a younger version of my mom. Young. I guess beautiful in his eyes. But so much consumed by hatred, boredom, of the routine that goes on spinning over and over. That an ounce of my silence is becoming my main weapon. So he let me have my way. The next week that followed I packed and move back home here in my home country. He said I can always come back to visit him once in a while if I feel like doing."

"Do you think staying with your Mom...um...you did the right choice? "

Adele just nod her head. I followed it up with another question. "Happy? "

Adele smiled wryly. She was dismissive in her attitude.

"Uh uh don't lie..."

But Adele's wasn't ready to go further deep in our conversation. She was the sort of person who would sometimes talk of trivial things but in fact a metaphor for something real and tragic.

"You ever have a cat?" She asked.

"No."

"I had a cat once. ..." She took some gum from her pocket and chewed on it. " Big. Fat. Crazy looking cat. Hahaha. With wavy hair ...like Roland Orzabal's hair....you know....Tears for fears....you see that cool hair in those vinyl records looks uncannily like my cats hair. And the Names Lenin."

"You name your cat Lenin?"I laughed. She's totally in control of my full 360 attention. Adele never bore me with her stories. She could write a piece of novel entirely in her head and she got tons where it was coming from.

"Everybody name their cat Lenin in my previous place. 'Memba I've been to St. Petersburg Russia. Cats everywhere. With names likes Lenin. Boris. Rakolsnikov. He was a feel good cat. Very intelligent. He looked at you like....he understand every word you say. I didn't know that feeling before. But cat has that intelligence we often ignore coz we are human. He had this nice glow in his violet colored eyes that feels so comforting. He was always on the lookout. Rats. Food. Territorial enemy I guess. Perched atop my shelf like a comfy furball. Sometimes I dream of him like he was a young beautiful man in his other life. My sort of armor. I sometimes cuddled him so tight that he would scream in my hands. Oh god. I got so fond of Lenin.....and I missed him."

"What happened to Lenin?"

"Its a long story but to make it short...I left him in Dads house...for good...but when we were at the train station in Moscow to go back to Manila...Lenin just popped out of nowhere. Purring. Crying. My dad was like scratching his head. He asked 'Did I tried bringing Lenin with us?' I was of course mad that Dad picked on me 'bout Lenin. I am absolutely have no idea how he got there. But he's there. It's like he knew of my decision to come home. And he's not allowing it. He wants to go places too. And he wants to come with me. But train and plane don't accept cat. I asked Dad if he can come with me. Of course my Dad got mad. Lenin's truly a desirable, adorable, cute, furry and intelligent cat."

"You sure it is him?"

"Of course I know Lenin like the back of palm. Huh! I was about to grab him but Dad insisted on the negative. ' No, Adel! Just leave the cat behind. ' In the midst of the chaos my Dad kind of convince me that Lenin is a Russian cat. A nationalistic cat that prefers his hometown. Would you believe that? Huh! And he said he is not the traveling type. I was a crazy, broken hearted sixteen year old crying at the train window as I waived my hand to Lenin. Then I saw him run and run and then he jumped on the railroad track like he wanted to end his life."

"Did he...?" I was not able to finish my question.

Adele was teary . "His blood all over. Huh! It was....horrible. Horrible! I didn't know a cat can change my view of this inhuman world. Until now I had dreams of Lenin. He was such a special cat to me. "

"I could feel you."

"The next time I have a cat I'll be naming him..." she like to suspend her thought for a moment.

"What? Of course Lenin is Lenin."

"Would you pinky promise not to laugh?"

"Did I laughed at all with your story of Lenin?"

"I trust you." Then she look at her hands. She acted ashamed of going further in our conversation.

"You're ashamed? Do you have a new cat now? "

"No. But there seems to have a population of cat around that have no home of their own."

"I agree."

" Would you adopt one?" She asked.

" No, I am not a cat person."

"That's sad. People are used to adopt babies but no animals. How come?"

"Filipinos are not that....sympathetic."

"Emphatic you mean." She corrected me.

Adele was smoking her last cigarette. Breathing heavily in the dense foggy night. There was something prim and proper about her which is mature for her age. Maybe she really is like her mother. Serious species. I have not seen her yet. I want to. And that speaking is their only way of escaping the sadness that bottle them tightly.

"I want to name my new pet cat Vladimir."Then she blew a series of circular smoke in the air. "Kind of funny right? Lenin and now Vladimir. So much hoopla for some tiny cat."

"Yeah I agree, too much representation of a former soviet ruler. But what's in a name?"

"It's even funnier if I told you that My first crush when I was eleven is...."

"Vladimir?" I guessed it right.

Adel was laughing hard.

"You are some character girl. Is he kind of....catty? I asked.

She seemed perplexed. "Is that good or bad? What's catty anyway?"

"I don't know...maybe like a good humored person?"

"He has humor. Of course. I remember. But the guy is so...irresponsible. "

I replied. "Most fifteen year old are irresponsible. I,too, am irresponsible at that age."

"Oh...but he's sweet though and caring. I miss the poor guy."

I laughed but stopped when Adel,looked perturbed. "He is alive, right?"

Adel was not budging. She was just her normal calm self. "Just gone," she said. Then she put her legs up in her chair so she can hug it with her arms.

"Why is everyone seem to be...gone? Dad, Mom, Vlad...my cat." She asked with that innocence tone in her sweet voice.

I have no idea Adele was opening up to me. Her blind side.

"They are just probably busy....somewhere," I said as I tried comforting her. "Living their...lives."

"Yeah, that's what I always think, too. But a night like this? Sitting in this cafe watching the city flicker in the distance as we hear 'Love will tear us apart' by Joy Division blaring out loud in a car parked in the distance. I love that song Taito. I remember having that record playing over and over until Dad got mad. Coz he said it's a noise."

"This is how night should be isn't it?"

"I agree ...Yeah, a night of soul searching. With music that can soothe our inner nerves. Tell me...why are you here Taito?"

It was a simple question but I can't seem to find the right response.Yeah, I have no idea why. I responded with the negative. "I guess if I asked the same question. Would I get the same answer?"

"Oh stop quizzing me. I asked first. Besides....huh...this place is kind of cool. I like it. And I like to eat here. " Then she heard this old tune blaring a Fleetwood Mac song 'Landslide'. " Oh listen to this. I love this song by Stevie Nicks."

"Sad song." I replied.

"But cool. And the thought of getting old. It creep me out."

"You afraid of getting old?" I asked.

Adel kind of blush. " Huh! The great unknown...kind of...another phase I guess...am not ready."

"It's still ages from now don't you think?"

I am not feeling well. I am seeing another dream in my head.

A voice disturbed our silence from behind.

"I know why you are all here." It was Nat. Standing tall in the shadow covered in night fog. Adele suddenly jump out of her seat and just walk away.

To be continued.