Girlfriend Territory

Nick was nervous about me calling the kid. He wanted to be in on a three-way call, listening so he could jump in if necessary. I told him I could handle it myself but he insisted. Okay. I could work with that. It was kind of nice being worried about. Nobody had truly worried about me for longer than I could remember.

Jon's tall form leaned over the edge of my desk, shaking me out of my reverie. "Ready to go pick up the DeVry kids?"

"What?" This was the first I'd heard of it. Who were the DeVry kids? Had I been that out of it all morning? I really needed to work on my focus. Distraction could be the death of me.

"The cops just busted the parents for marijuana possession. We're taking them to a temporary foster until some family members can be found."

Oh. These sorts of things happened a lot. A standard day at the office, you could say. "Sure thing, just let me grab my coat."

"Let me," he insisted, holding it out for me so I could slide my arms in. I'd seen this happen once on a TV show but didn't know this was a thing men actually did. It actually made me uncomfortable.

"Thanks," I said as sincerely as I could muster. If this act of chivalry was any indication, Jon was getting serious about me. That wasn't good. I didn't think I could pretend any more seriously than I already had. I wasn't good at this emotional commitment crap.

Jon chattered on about the football game last night and all I could think about was how I was not ready to pretend to be more serious. Thus far, we hadn't even kissed. We'd been on maybe five or six dates but had spent a lot of time together at work over the last few weeks. Could I really kiss someone when I felt nothing inside? It wouldn't be fair to toy with his emotions like that. Who was I kidding, this whole thing wasn't fair. Jon deserved someone who was actually capable of being interested in him. Who cared what he had to say. Who thought he was the best thing in the whole world. He couldn't get that from me. My ability to love had been broken. The closest thing I was capable of was vaguely caring about what happened to Faye and Nick. Faye was my friend. Nick had suffered enough. That was about all the love I could muster.

I wanted so badly to come clean but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't make myself head it off before things got worse. I needed the cover that hanging out with Jon gave me. And I had to admit, I couldn't hurt him like that. But wouldn't it be better to do it now before it would hurt more later? I just couldn't make up my mind. I already felt like the world's worst person for starting this whole mess in the first place. If only Faye hadn't gotten involved. There I was, playing the If Only Game again. I needed to focus. I was at work.

The worst part about these kinds of cases was that the kids seemed so bewildered. They just didn't understand why their parents were being taken away. Often, they cried for their mommy or daddy. They didn't want to go with us. They wanted to stay home.

"What's going on?" Seven-year-old Tommy DeVry demanded. "Where are you taking them?"

I squatted down to be on his level. "The police need to ask your mom and dad some questions so you're going to come stay with someone else for a while. Like a sleepover party."

Tommy eyed me suspiciously. "For how long?"

I hated this question. It was so hard to give any sort of answer they could understand. "I'm not sure. It might be for a while. But we'll pack up all your favorite things from home so you can have them with you while you're there."

He was silent for a long time, trying to process what was happening before speaking up belligerently. "I want my blanket. And my Power Rangers. And my Legos."

"How about we go pack those right now?" I asked gently. "I can help you."

"Okay. But I'll have to show you how they go so they won't get messed up."

I followed him up the stairs and found a suitcase in the closet. I hated that most kids had to keep their precious belongings in trash bags. I was going to try and make it seem as much like a vacation as possible for him. He was old enough to know that something wasn't right, unlike his preschool-aged sister and baby brother. They had gotten into Jon's car without much complaint and someone else was upstairs packing for them.

Tommy packed as much as he could fit into the large duffel bag. He looked around his room as if knowing it was the last time he would see it. "I'm ready," he said quietly.

He took a shaky breath and tentatively held out his hand to me. Of course I held his hand, his world was falling apart. We walked like that back downstairs and buckled him in next to his siblings. Jon turned on a kids' CD his daughters liked and that helped four-year-old Lacy relax. Baby Ben was asleep in his car seat.

We dropped them off at the emergency foster home without too much trouble. Ben was still asleep but Lacy shyly accepted Tristi Mills' offer of cookies and milk. Her husband, Ron, took the kids' bags to their rooms. Tommy wavered on the porch but after shooting me a furtive glance, followed after his sister.

"That poor kid," I murmured. "He acted like he knew he was never going home again."

"Do you think they were good parents?" Jon asked quietly.

I wasn't sure, that was the problem. Sometimes decent parents got caught up in bad things. "I saw Tommy's room. It had posters of dinosaurs in it. Neglectful parents usually don't put up posters in their kids' rooms." I couldn't speak for abusive ones. The parents were into drugs but that didn't necessarily make them abusive. Just criminals. Like me. The reason I could never adopt, even though I wanted to more than almost anything.

"They seemed relatively well cared for but you never know what's going on under the surface," Jon philosophized.

He couldn't possibly know the irony of that statement with me sitting next to him. So all I responded with was "very true."

"So," he changed the subject abruptly. "Kaylee's birthday is this weekend and we'd love to have you at her birthday party."

I bit my lip. That seemed like girlfriend territory. I didn't want to be his girlfriend. There was too much obligation there. "Did she say that?"

"Yes. They really liked you that one time we went rollerskating. She asked when you could come over and I suggested her birthday party since there would already be a bunch of friends there."

Even worse. Friends. Possibly adult friends of Jon's who would think I was his girlfriend. But how could I say no to an eight-year-old? "When is it?"

Jon's relief was written all over his face. "Saturday at six. Can you come?"

Shoot. I didn't have anything preventing me from going. "I'll be there. Just give me the address."

He rattled it off and startled me by pulling me into a hug. "It'll be great, you'll see. She'll be so excited."

He had never hugged me before. I couldn't even think of the last time I had been hugged by anyone other than a traumatized child. Faye wasn't much of a hugger. I made an effort to return the hug, since my instinct was to pull away as quickly as possible. It felt weird having somebody's arms around me. Wrong, even. I wasn't supposed to be touched.

I worried about my impending Death by Birthday Party until my shift ended and I remembered I had something more pressing to worry about. Jace. We had to get him on board. If he wasn't…he might rat us out. The possibility was slim, since kids his age typically didn't like to snitch but still…I'd given enough information about the Culverwell case that he could put the pieces together if he had a mind to do so. That could very easily be traced back to me. But I had to get him to trust me somehow, didn't I?

Thankfully, Faye wasn't home when I arrived. Instead I was greeted by the spiteful meows of all five cats. Oh crap, I'd been so out of it that I hadn't fed them before leaving for work. "I'm so sorry babies!"

They blinked at me insolently and I offered soothing words about how pretty they were, what good cats they were, and how much I loved them as I pulled out several cans of Fancy Feast I'd been saving for a special occasion. I figured they deserved it. Daisy was the first to accept my peace offering. She began purring as she ate. The others seemed to want to hold a grudge but gave in to hunger and the prospect of the much coveted wet food. I gave each of them a quick stroke down the back before retreating to my room to make the call that could make or break this whole operation.