11 You've got mail, black-mail

It was just after 1 pm when Volta strolled through the back door of the homestead and slumped onto the couch in the living room.

Bob and Sage sat in deep conversation, flicking through pages of information on the television screen.

"Hmph," Volta said.

They continued to talk, Sage tapping away on her laptop.

"Hmmphhh!" Volta said again, crossing his arms and pouting.

Bob looked up from his armchair, clicking his tongue.

"What is it, Volta?"

Sage's head snapped up, bright eyes full of excitement.

"Volta! We have a plan!" she exclaimed.

Volta held up a hand to silence her.

"We have two weeks." He said.

Sage and Bob shared a look.

Volta ignored them.

"We have two weeks until the water is gone forever."

Sage slowly nodded her head, blinking her eyes rapidly.

Bob sighed, crossing his legs and rubbing his temples.

"Two weeks…" Bob said, eyes closed.

"The full moon reaches its peak on…" Volta grabbed Sage's laptop and tapped on the keyboard furiously, "Saturday the 22nd. That's our last chance before the water dries up."

He threw the laptop down on the couch beside him.

Sage rushed to retrieve it.

"Plenty of time," Bob said smiling to himself.

"Plenty of time?" Volta asked, trying to control the tone of his voice.

"Mm, yes," Bob nodded, "it's quite simple really." He leaned forward, grinning at Volta.

Volta narrowed his eyes.

"What do you mean, it's quite simple really?" he mimicked Bob in a squeaky voice.

Bob smirked.

"All you have to do is ask Velvet where the cellar of the deli is," he sat back smugly, "naturally she'll flutter her eyelashes at you, take you by the hand and lead you straight to the water which Sage assures us is there," his eyes cut to Sage, "then you can hug and kiss and we never have to talk about enchanted water again."

Volta opened his mouth to retort, but nothing came out.

Sage clapped her hand over her mouth in surprise.

"He's actually… speechless." She breathed, slapping Bob on the knee in excitement.

Bob laughed.

"I mean, Volta, you're the only one making it complicated. That girl would do anything for you. We were all there when she chased after you on Sunday."

He and Sage shared another look, trying to contain a bout of laughter.

Volta closed his mouth, staring at his shoes, arms crossed over his chest.

Bob waved his hand at Sage.

'Tell him your plan', he mouthed at her.

Sage cleared her throat.

"In other news," she said softly, pulling a large yellow envelope out from her laptop case, "Bob and I have been thinking about how to put an end to that Seamus guy…" she slid the envelope across the table to Volta.

Bob leaned forward again.

"Sage is well versed in… uh, what should I call it…" he pushed the envelope closer to Volta, "black-mail?"

Bob winked at her.

Sage giggled, blushing.

Volta grabbed the envelope, pouring the contents out on the couch and pushing them around half-heartedly.

"I compiled screenshots from Seamus' social media where he posts hate speech and found a few people who have forwarded me threatening emails he has sent them…" Sage attempted to point out the relevant documents to a barely listening Volta.

"We also found some footage from the memorial this morning," Bob lobbed a USB at Volta, "figured it wouldn't hurt to drop this off to Seamus' uncle."

Volta looked up, brushing the USB off his shirt.

"His uncle?" he asked, sitting up a little more.

Sage grinned.

"Councillor Smith."

She and Bob high-fived in excitement.

Volta's eyebrows rose.

"Oh," he nodded slowly, "okay… I'm almost following…"

"It's re-election for local council members in a few months…" Bob spread his hands out in the air, "… and us black folk need to go serve some justice to this privileged upper-middle bogan."

Volta nodded faster.

"Yep," he continued to nod, "yep, yep… yep. And why can't we just put this in an email?"

Sage brought up an email on the screen.

Volta squinted at it.

"Tl;dr." he said.

"It's from the editor of the Daily," Sage zoomed in on the email header, "confirming their photographer and a reporter will meet you at Councillor Smith's office in an hour to cover the story."

"'Nephew of prominent local councillor beats up islander teen on steps of ANZAC memorial'… I can see the headlines now… Seamus is going to get sent back to the motherland before he can even blink." Volta smiled widely.

Bob clicked his fingers into finger-guns.

"Black-mail," He smiled, "gettit?"

Volta clicked finger guns back to Bob.

"I'll get the car," he jumped up, "we'll pick up Joey on the way, he's probably showing his broken nose to girls at the train station."

"You've got mail," Sage said softly to herself, wriggling her eyebrows around, "black-mail."

Bob and Volta looked down at Sage as she bobbed her head.

Volta went to open his mouth.

'Shh!' Bob gestured at Volta.

'Don't ruin her moment!' He mouthed.

Volta rolled his eyes in moderate disgust, trying not to gag on their budding love.

He left Bob to continue staring down at Sage in adoration to start the car and clear his mind with MF Doom.