Reviews of Vampire: the Masquerade - Nirvana

A dark vampire story written in a professional style. Comparable to published worked of the paperback age. Excellent paragraph sizing. Plot pacing is good, but I am sure there is more left of this story to tell.

As a fan of the world of Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines and as someone who's gone through multiple runs with most of the clans, it's nice to see someone write their take on it. Would have never thought to make a fan-fic of it. I see you've chosen to make your character a part of the Tremere clan, and have no doubt in my mind that she'll become a fearsome blood mage over the course of the story. A word of caution would be not to make her too powerful (because we all know how broken Tremere abilities can get) and have her rely on the world around her instead, or else you'll have a killing machine on your hands. But that's up to you. You've got the pacing down so no chapter feels boring or unneeded, and you've done a good job of pacing yourself in handing out the lore of the world, making sure not to turn it into a tome (haha) instead of a story about Leona. No major issues with your writing style either, which is a relief on the eyes, too. All around superb work compared to most novels out there, so keep your chin up and keep at it, from one author to another!

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La verdad que me impresiona el desarrollo y la prufundidad de los personajes que en el juego le falto bastante, se centraron mas en el lore que en la historia y los motivos de las acciones de cada uno. Hasta ahora la historia me esta gustando mucho, espero que el/la autor/a pueda seguir ampliando y sorprendiendonos con esta novela que tiene mucho potencial. Super recomendada!

This is quiet interesting.I'ts like unveiling the underworld of vampires.The author did it in a very detailed way to describe everything as 'bloody' as it could be. There were some few typos like 'a' when it's needed to be 'an' instead, but it's minimal. Keep it up!

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I played VtM... well, a few decades ago if I am honest. So I am familair with the setting without being an up-to-date fan. This story starts perhaps overly conventionally. The vampire and shrink thing is very well done yet. It quickly becomes a story of Leona being thrust into the vampire world and having to survive and figure out what it going on. Plenty of action, but there is something about Leona that doesn't grab me. She seems to adapt very quickly as if she didn't find out about the entire vampire culture only a few days ago. So yes she is told things but seems to get the whole underlying 'magic is real' and 'how vampire clans work' thing just instantly. On one hand, I am curious why wise olf Garret did something that shouldn't have worked--was he behind everything or just dumb? On the other hand, there's a lot of characters and POVs and I would rather just see what Leona knows as she learns it rather than keep track of all this. The writing has some pervasive grammar issues but they are fairly minor,

Yaay! Vampire story.. For some reason, I have this craziness over vampires. Your story is easy to read and its progressing really good. Trust me, It's way better than Twilight series.😂 I didn't find anything wrong with your grammar , even if there was any it won't be noticed. Your writing quality is really good, I hope I can be as good as you are.

The story gradually gets so much better, I love how you include scenes of emotions so easily The writing quality needs to be a bit better, some missing words here and there. Story wise, the plot is very good. The way that the author as portrayed the characters and the moments... Is fantastic!

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The auxiliary chapter in the front was a good choice. It really drew me in right from the start. The pacing of the story is not forced at all, and the plot is moving forward at a steady pace. The author describes the scenes and interactions with vividness that makes it a joy to read. It is not overly descriptive to the point where it sometimes gets in the way of the reading. With a few grammar mistakes that are able to overlook, this (as of chapter 7) is a book that I'm excited to read more of. There is some amazing world building and story development going on and I can't wait for more. I also quite like the main character, Leona, so far. Keep up the good work, author! :)

The writting is beautiful even though there are a lot of mistakes ... well according to me and English is my 3rd language so not really confident in many of the things I see wrong. I think she's is supposed to be used for she is and not was but maybe I am wrong. Anyway the dialogues and the interraction beween the 2 main characters so far make it flow like a river. Seriously I can only rate it with 5 stars since World building is unnecessary and grammar mistakes although plenty are not nowhere near enough to make me want to stop or having trouble understanding the meaning. Mostly just problems with tense selection and a, an, the ... Anyway, all fives for me. I am actually glad there are only 3 chapters so far or I would continue reading.

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that was a great book based on a great videogame. it has some more dark parts. you can put yourself into the characters. I'm sorry for my bad English .

Okay so I am not really a good reviewer as I am just used to posting my thoughts into comments as they come to me. And here is little something about me before I start my review. I have finished bloodlines countless times before and I am also ST(story teller) of table top Vampire the Masquerade games. I have been hosting VtM for about 3 years now. I wouldn't call myself an expert on the lore but there is not much that I don't know either. Now here is the review. When I was reading the first part of the book, the part before the MC makes her way to LA, I felt like there wasn't enough development of her character. You tried to make us connect with her showing us her human side but for some reason I felt that it was kind of half-baked. I saw that the character had her motivation, goals and friends but I didn't feel that she had her own unique personality. In my mind in the interactions between her and Garrett the two kept overlapping with one another constantly. Their manners of speeches were too similar and when they are the only 2 ones speaking it feels like a Malkavian having a conversation with herself. To sum up either you should have let us spend more time with the MC as a human in order to better flesh out her personality or you should have just straight started from the murder if you wanted to start the main story more quickly. At the second part of the novel, the part after MC makes her way to L.A, everything is such a mishmash. We meet with all these people in this short amount of time. There are sabbath attacks, the name of the clans, new terms like ghouls, the six rules etc. There were too much exposition in too little of a time and the events are moving too fast. I know that this is a fanfic of Bloodlines so you are trying to stay true to source material as much as you could but screw that. Just drag things on, explain them to us clearly one by one as if we were idiots. Like when LaCroix is mentioning the 6 rules, tell us what they are don't just put them in an auxlary chapter. Or when Jake says **** Lasombras instead of saying aren't they another sabbath clan, try to explain the background of the clan like Lasombras? Aren't they the clan of evil vampires shrouded in darkness, only loyal to themselves and the cause that is sabbath etc. Also your character doesn't even need to voice these words he can just think about it. To sum up instead of rushing things drag things out and explain to us clearly. Also don't try to follow the events of the book too closely, instead make them more interesting and put your twist on it like instead of making 9 and Jake saving the MC from the sabbath let MC fight a battle on her own, make them escape or even make a whole arc about how the MC survived the night of her embrace when the city was under attack all on her own.