Vampire in High School

My name is Felix Wilczek. I was bitten by a vampire mugger, and for the past three days, I’ve had the absolute worst luck. I destroyed my bathroom door, nearly scared an old lady to death, and, embarrassingly enough, exposed my ten-inch 'excalibur' in front of the whole class. But hey, at least things can't possibly get any worse, right? *Enter vampire cops, a certifiably crazy father-in-law, and a crew of drug-dealing vampires. (Oh yeah, I guess I'm also a vampire.)