Quizzed

"Alright so, today we're going to be playing Super Mario Sunshine the way Nintendo intended!" Says the protagonist of the video playing on my cell phone. His voice is projected into my room from the tiny screen of my phone as I scroll the internet. I am mostly using him as background noise, though I do occasionally chuckle at his witty, sarcastic commentary.

My laptop is on my lap as I speed read the latest chapter of a manga featuring an overly energetic protagonist with a surprisingly dark backstory. I am partway through the chapter, occasionally closing mildly distracting, and immersion-breaking pop-ups, when one actually catches my eye.

The pop-up is a simple thing, and it asks me a single question: "Which Fallout Protagonist Are You?" I quietly chuckle and decide to take a break from the cliches and tropes of the shounen manga I'm reading. I take a few minutes to fill out the quiz, though I'm still fast enough that I bet an impartial observer might wonder if this game was rigged from the start.

When I'm finished I click "Submit" and as I do I'm a bit surprised to hear the voice coming out of my phone begin to slow. At the same time my computer seemed to freeze, though when I touched my touchpad I found that my cursor still moves… I watch my computer in near total silence for several moments before the voice coming out of my phone is suddenly not the only voice in the room.

"Hello there!" The voice says, causing my eyes to widen as I almost, instinctually, toss my laptop out of my lap in sudden shock. The voice, chipper and pleasant, is coming out of my computer. Immediately after the voice speaks it falls silent for several moments as my heart begins to slow down.

"Ah, I see I got a bit of a jumper. My bad! I really should have prepared you, but it's been so long since I've actually talked to someone this way that I didn't anticipate such a strong reaction." The voice mutters, when I have had a beat to compose myself. I stare in annoyance at the computer, but don't audibly reply.

"Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Rogelio, and I am a… Well, I'm a bit of an eldritch travel agent." The voice says, moments later, causing my eyes to widen. There's no way…

"And you, Oscar, are my newest client!" The voice continues. I can hear the sheer delight in its tone, and I continue to wonder about the peculiar nature of the voice talking to me from my laptop. It almost sounds like it's what some subreddit I read dubs a "Jumpchan"...

"I'd like to send you on a vacation. Of sorts. It's to a place you're familiar with. The Mojave! At least, if you want to go…" Rogelio declares, excitement creeping more and more into its voice. It is at this point, hearing the creature say it's going to send me to the, thankfully fictional, vision of American history created by the writers behind the Fallout series that what I've been wondering escapes my lips before I can control myself.

"Are you a jumpchan?" I ask, mere milliseconds after the figure finishes its declarative statement. The instant I ask this the voice falls silent for a full second. And then immediately begins to laugh. He laughs, uninterrupted, for a full minute, before finally stopping.

"Wow! I'd actually kind of forgotten that knowledge of jumpchains even existed on some mundane Earths," The figure exclaims, delightedly. "And actually, yes I am. It's nice to be recognized." He adds, a second later.

"That means I don't need to give you the whole spiel! Ah, I love that," Rogelio tells me, quite happily. "But you should know what I'm offering you isn't quite what you PROBABLY think a jumpchain is. I don't really love the whole numbers aspect of chains, so I utilized a perk of my very own to send out quizzes to people who'd be entertaining to watch. You were the first person to finish your quiz. And now that I look at you, it turns out that my perk picked out a real diamond in the rough. I can see your walker." He says, speaking for a good deal longer than he's previously spoken.

"Someone who needs a mobility aid getting what I'm giving out? Excellent. I'd be delighted to see what you do with your legs, particularly since they'll be virtually unbreakable when I'm done with you. And it looks like you're familiar with the setting! Even better! You get to walk again, and you get to go on an interdimensional adventure. Damn, I wish my own benefactor would have been this nice during my first jump…" He states, though he grumbles that last part. I let out a quiet chuckle, and I can faintly sense the stranger smiling at my remark, even though I can't actually see him.

"Alright, so before I ask you the two big questions I have for you, I want you to know that I personally do things a little differently compared to what you probably think of when you think of a chain." Rogelio explains, speaking seriously for a moment.

"Assuming you elect to be sent on a chain, you won't have to deal with 'Builds' and 'Choice Points', instead, for now at least, you'll be given access to three thematically linked 'Fallout' jumps and one "Generic" jump, and you'll get their perks. And the items of three of them. The last one's items will be spread throughout the twin settings you're going to be visiting." The man who I already know will be my "Benefactor" tells me. He pauses at this point, and I respond almost instantly.

"You just said… 'Twin settings'. Where am I going?" I ask, curiously. I can hear his dark chuckle before he replies.

"I'm planning to send you to the Mojave. You'll be able to experience your very own version of the events of Fallout: New Vegas, complete with the downloadable content. Afterwards you'll have the joys of experiencing life in the Commonwealth. In exchange, when you complete arcs in both specific games you'll be given awards. And also, if you want, when you… 'Complete' both games to your satisfaction I'll let you leave and go to your next jump early. And as a reward for how odd this particular set up is you'll be able to take things, perks and items alike, from a jump named 'Generic Bard'." Rogelio reveals, and once again I can hear the smile on his face.

I contemplate the implications of what he's said. "Generic Bard" is a tricky sounding name, as "Bards" are both magical and skilled at a lot of stuff. It sounds like it's probably going to be mostly a support based jump, but even that is spectacular in a setting like Fallout… Having the skills of a jack of all trades would be essential for anyone wandering the Mojave, and would remain every bit as useful in the Commonwealth.

"I mean… I want to say yes, but can I know what other jump docs you will be using?" I ask, curiously. The figure chuckles and I gasp when I begin to feel knowledge flowing into my brain. Knowledge… and memories. Memories of a vastly different world, of a life spent as a package handler, tracker, and survivor. The memories flowing into my mind are memories belonging to the rather infamous character known as "The Courier". My mind expands as I begin to mentally unpack the memories I now possess, but before I can do that for terribly long Rogelio speaks up.

"Your build, if you could even call it that, is a bit of a mess. In addition to your new base body, you have a number of alt-forms. You have a ghoul alt-form, a generic mutated animal one that is VERY flexible, a robotic alt-form, and a super mutant alt-form. As for the specifics of your robotic alt-form that'll be decided when you first use it. Sadly, I can't give you a warehouse right away but given what else you're getting in exchange I think most people would agree that I am giving them enough to justify the loss of a warehouse, at least out the gate. But now it's decision time. Will you accept this offer, or not?" The stranger asks, fully ignoring my question.

He's offering me… Well, the man is offering me a lot. Before I say anything I silently study my room.

I'm on the soft, carpeted floor of a tiny bedroom. This place is all I can afford, while barely eking out an existence as a freelance writer. In the past week I've gone two days without eating.

What I'm being offered is a way not just out of this but a way to live a life worth living. One where I can walk again. One where I can see everything from the depths of The Backrooms to Princess Peach's castle, if I just keep jumping long enough.

If I choose to not jump then I am stuck here. I am stuck in this little room, hoping against hope for a lucky break. I'm stuck relying on mobility aids, and constantly searching for the next job, while hoping that my small number of clients don't grow tired of me or find a cheaper, more efficient writer. The choice is not hard.

"Rogelio, I'm in." I reply, and once more I somehow hear the figure speaking to me begin to smile. He doesn't say a word, and silence fills the room. For a second I wonder if I've somehow hallucinated all of this but when I'm about to question Rogelio I blink and when my eyes open I find myself in a familiar place.

I'm standing right outside of Doc Mitchell's house in the town of Goodsprings. Time is still so slow that it might as well be frozen, allowing me plenty of time to examine my surroundings.

I study my surroundings and I immediately get to lay my eyes on something that I'd never see back on the Earth of my birth. In the distance I can see a large, red-skinned, two-headed cow. The creature is a mutated beast known as a "Brahmin". It is peacefully grazing, chewing some of the radiation resistant wild grass that has begun to grow in select parts of the Mojave.

As I study my surroundings, which aren't very impressive, I begin to feel my mind steadily filling with supernatural knowledge. I take a beat to examine the tiny town of Goodsprings, barely a collection of houses and an even smaller number of non-housing buildings along the edges of the community, as knowledge pertaining to perks and items fills my mind.

I instinctively know the basics of the dozens of perks I now possess. I also know the details of the items in my possession, things like an expertly crafted musical instrument as well as a range of potent weapons and some quality-of-life equipment that will surely boost my ability to survive the dangers of the desert I have elected to explore.

I possess objects as exciting as multiple "Garden of Eden Creation Kits", and more then one copy of the remarkable alien mothership from Fallout 3's DLC "Mothership Zeta". It's… strange that I have more then one copy of things, as this is a persistent trait for all of my equipment, and I have a curious feeling in the back of my mind that maybe I was given one extra special perk but I can't confirm it right away. For now I content myself with studying my equipment. My kit is incredible, and something that is as astounding as what I possess is that I have what could very succinctly be described as a "Hammerspace Inventory" where it's all stored. It's all just waiting for me to wield it…

Beyond that, I even know which of my perks applies to which of my alt-forms. I have perks that apply to all of my forms, and thankfully the majority of my perks are universal, but I also have plenty of neat abilities that are unique to my forms.

I have the powers of a handful of mutated animals, such as a Mirelurk King's sonic attack, but can only use them in my "Animal" form, ghoulish perks that apply to ghouls and ghouls only, and I have perks that are intended for a Super Mutant, which I can only use as a Super Mutant. Aside from those perks the majority of my newly obtained abilities can be used in any of my forms, which is incredible.

Hell, even my "Robotic" perks are useable no matter my form! And of all of my perks, those are some of the most remarkable. They include things like modules that allow me to use psychic abilities in any of my alt-forms, and a field that heals my allies so long as they stay within fifty meters of me!

I scan my mental checklist of perks looking for a positively bizarre one that would explain how it is that I can have multiple copies of items that are supposed to be purchased with choice points. I don't find it, but I do know one way to test whether or not I actually have it… But to confirm it I need to go somewhere where I can buy something.

Time is beginning to speed up, not rapidly but quickly enough that I can notice it, and as it does I can feel my perks beginning to come to life within me. I can sense the surface thoughts of the handful of settlers and animals I can see in the distance, and when I glance in the direction of the graveyard where "The Courier" was buried just hours ago I can see the faint outlines of wild Mojave animals that would attack me on sight. This is due to my robotic senses, as among my robotic perks are perks that focus on improving the range of my senses and on highlighting creatures and people that would attack me on sight if given the chance.

It takes what feels like several minutes before time is fully unfrozen and back to normal. When it is I glance in the direction of the first place the game sends you, "Prospector Saloon", with a huge grin on my face. I walk down the steps leading to and from Doc Mitchell's house, and as I do I begin to quietly laugh. It feels incredible to do something as simple as walking without feeling any pain in my legs or having to rely on a walker.

As I make my way to the saloon I inspect myself. I am wearing some well-worn but definitely useable clothing that makes me look a bit like a wasteland wanderer, and I have a simple pistol in a holster on my hip. Doc Mitchell, that saint, gave The Courier some bullets for the thing and told him to go see "Sunny Smiles" for some lessons in survival before he left town.

Technically I'm The Courier but the man's memories still feel alien to me. Inserting me into the setting as the protagonist for my first jump feels intuitive, when viewed from the outside, but The Courier is older then me and I now have his memories… I was only twenty four, and the Courier is in his very early thirties. What's more is that I can remember all of his memories, even ones he can't quite remember such as the events that occurred in his life that led to him unintentionally setting in motion the destruction of the region that is now known as "The Divide".

I eventually reach the front of the saloon. A cantankerous old man that I know is named "Easy Pete" sits in a rocking chair right beside the door leading into the establishment and he eyes me as I walk past him and open the door.

As I slide past the man I hear a small bell ring out and I get to lay my eyes on a very real, and quite pretty-looking, Sunny Smiles. At the very same time, the dog beside her begins to bark at me. She laughs lightly and orders the beast to relax before she looks at me and smiles.

"Hi there! You must be the man that Victor dug up," She says, studying me curiously. "I'm Sunny Smiles. You're looking great for someone who got shot in the head." She adds, grinning mischievously at me. I chuckle at her remarks.

"Given the circumstances I'm feeling fantastic. The good doctor told me to stop by and meet you before I decided what to do next. He said you might have some pointers on how to survive in this part of the Mojave." I reply, listening to my voice for the first time. I have a deep voice with an accent that I can't quite place. Sunny smiles at me and I can't help but smile back.

"That man… Well, sure. I can help you out a little. Wanna head out back with me for a few minutes?" She asks, before tilting her head back and subtly gesturing in the direction of the building's backdoor. I nod at her, and watch as she gently pets her furry companion.

She orders the beast to come with her, and we walk out of the saloon, though not before she calls out to Trudy saying she's leaving to do a quick patrol of the nearby outskirts of the town. In moments we're behind the saloon and she has placed a few bottles of some alcoholic drink on a tiny fence that Trudy, the owner of the saloon erected to protect her property.

"Here, take this gun." Sunny tells me, as she hands me the rifle she has on her person before kneeling down and placing her pack on the ground. As I grab the gun I feel a sudden wave of memories, ones that are very not decidedly not mine, fill my mind. I quickly see a montage of times Sunny saved her life, and the lives of others, with the gun. This is an instance of "Psychometry", a powerful psychic ability I possess thanks to my "Bardic" perks. Meanwhile Sunny quickly retrieves a small pistol from it and places it on her hip before looking at me and sighing.

"Are you waiting for some instructions? I just want to see if you have an eye for guns." She tells me.

I chuckle and I turn to face the bottles. As I do I feel my unconscious mind effortlessly guide my hands to where they need to be and I pull the trigger for the first time. I hear the loud sounds of the gun going off and feel it try to fly back from recoil, but my grip on it is solid and so I easily control the thing. I watch the rounds sail out of the weapon and smash into the closet bottle, shattering it and sending glass everywhere. Sunny laughs when she sees this and she compliments me before encouraging me to look down the sights for even more accurate shots.

For the next few minutes I do as she says, carefully firing the weapon she's lent me at each of the bottles. When the last of the seven bottles is shattered Sunny smiles and asks if I'd like to accompany her on a patrol. I opt to do so, deciding to enjoy this experience as it's meant to be experienced instead of trying to do the real-life equivalent of speed-running it.

In total my time doing the tutorial mission of Fallout New Vegas takes me about two hours. When it's done I'm on the outskirts of Goodsprings and Sunny and her canine companion, as well as the settler we rescued from a pair of gigantic geekos, are on their way back home. I study the pile of caps Sunny left beside me as a parting gift for helping her out, and I can't help but smile.

I was supposed to be given fifty caps. She said she'd be giving me fifty of the things. The pile of caps beside me totals one hundred and fifty caps. This is an example of the effects of "Afarkaup Avarkostir", a powerful "Meta" perk from a jump I am intimately familiar with… the Germanic/Norse Mythology jump. I don't know how I have this perk, but all of the evidence is telling me that I do.

The perk is a capstone perk and fittingly has a number of potent effects, but some of the biggest boons it offers those who possess it is the ability to multiple any items that cost choice points, as well as making non-fiat-backed things cost three times less. I stare in wonder and delight at the caps, keenly aware that I made the right choice when I elected to embark on this journey. It takes me several minutes to rein in my delight and to turn my attention towards something rather curious.

I am a decently powerful telepath thanks to perks I possess as a "Mutant". One of the things that this lets me do is hear the surface thoughts of living creatures. I can hear the faint surface "Thoughts", if the pained, animalistic grunts I can hear can be called "Thoughts" of something strange in the distance. It is situated somewhere between my current location and the inhabited part of Goodsprings, not far from where I'd think a "Wild Wastelands" event would be located.

I eventually get up and make use of my inventory to swap out the rifle Sunny gave me and equip a fiat-backed laser rifle. At the same time I begin the short trek to the source of the mental grunts and when I reach it I find myself standing right where I know for a fact that a destroyed refrigerator should be located and instead of finding the closest example of the wackiness of "Wild Wasteland" to the game's starting location and I find myself standing in front of a curious unmarked grave.

I can hear the same pained grunts I followed here and they are much louder this close to their source then they were the half a mile or so I just trekked. They sound… vaguely familiar, but I can't quite place where they come from.

I look around for a shovel or something, and am annoyed when I can't find one. Thankfully I have a tool that, in a pinch, will help me just as much as any shovel; telekinesis. I focus on the dirt I can see and I imagine a large hand wrapping around it. As I imagine this I can feel it happening, almost as though I have a third hand to use as freely as I use my other limbs. I close my mental fist around a mound of the dirt and feel the stuff as keenly as if I were actually physically touching it. I then grunt as I mentally fling the dirt out of the grave.

I watch in delight as the dirt moves, being violently flung out of the grave and allowing me a split second to see something curiously mechanical in the pit instead of a coffin as I was expecting. Dirt is rushing back into the grave, so I only get a second to see what is awaiting me inside of it, but I'm still quick enough to catch bits and pieces of what I believe to be life-sustaining and life-saving machinery. My eyes widen as I audibly speculate about what I just saw.

"Is that… an autodoc?" I ask, aware no one will reply. I repeat my previous telekinetic feat and am delighted when I get to see the machine once more and confirm that it is one of the most useful machines I've ever seen. I actually possess personal autodocs, but this one is inhabited by a being clad in a familiar suit of personalized power armor. I energetically dig, and in minutes all of the grave dirt has been dug up.

I am looking at the barely conscious form of a figure clad in the same power armor as the final boss of Fallout 2; the cybernetic, power-armor-wearing menace, Frank Horrigan. And even more curiously than that, I can sense the mind of the creature beginning to clear… Thankfully, I am certain that the creature is not hostile to me but in a world filled with creatures like feral ghouls and deranged super mutants, even "Friendly" creatures can be immensely dangerous.