2 Chapter 2

Di Yang Pov

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I was hurt until I passed out. My whole body feels sour especially my back.

When I wake up Cheng Fan already not beside me.

Maybe he had gone to work I smiled bitterly on the bed.

But now my focus is not on what happened last night between me and Cheng Fan but on his son

I just remembered him.

Then I saw the clock pointed at 8 in the morning.

I have to get up to take care of little Cheng Fan

Luckily , last night I had feed him till full before going to bed.

I got out of bed but the pain in my body made it difficult for me to move.

In that place is bleeding.

How could it not be bleeding when Cheng Fan forced himself into me without any preparation.

I think maybe the next few days I'll have to walk like a crab.

But if you ask,

am I regret for not pushing Cheng Fan away while I can ?!

My answer is no , simply because I love him .

I love him until I feel like my senses are gone.

Someone like me can't be saved anymore.

I'm also thinking about how I should facing Cheng Fan later?.

I'm afraid he will stay away from me.

As my mind wandered around, suddenly the door opened and Cheng Fan carrying a bowl of porridge walked towards me.

'' Cheng Fan ''. I think I'm dreaming.

'' Eat this porridge first ''. Cheng Fan sat beside me he lifted the spoon ready to feed me.

'' Your son?''.

'' Don't worry I've taken care of him''.

I obeyed him and started eating the porridge.

I didn't refuse Cheng Fan , he feeds me spoon after spoon

Now Cheng Fan very close to me , it has been a long time since I saw him this close.

I really hope time can stop here

Neither of us started talking first until I finished the bowl of porridge that Cheng Fan brought

"About last night I will be responsible". Cheng Fan broke the silence between us

'' Cough.. Cough.. '' I choked by the water I drank.

'' Di Yang , are you okay? ". Cheng Fan worriedly rubbing my back

"I'm fine but what happened last night was just a mistake, you don't need to take responsibility" Every word that comes out of my mouth hurts me

Cheng Fan fixed my position to face him and said

"Listen to me Di Yang, I don't know how I feel about you but what I know you and my son are the most important to me. I want the rest of my life to be accompanied by you every day , I want to take care of you ''

Cheng Fan paused and to looked at me for a moment before continuing

'' I promise to bring happiness in the future for the three of us and and I promise not to marry a woman. Only you and my son are enough for me. I want you to be a part of my life with my son and I also want to be a part of your life , I can't live without you Di Yang ''.

When Cheng Fan said I was important to him, I couldn't hold back my tears.

Even though Cheng Fan didn't say he loves me or likes me but he wants me to be a part of his life that's more than enough for me

I nodded in agreement and immediately hugged him and cried in his arms for 20 minutes.

I felt Cheng Fan had turned to look at me.

I've been waiting for him for so long so I can't stop crying.

This is the first time I have felt so happy in my life.

I pushed aside the thought of Cheng Fan saying that because he felt guilty towards me.

I also stopped thinking about my sister for a moment

Let me be selfish just once? just let me be happy just this once. I also have the right to be happy with somoene I love.

`` I'm sorry, sister, let Cheng Fan be mine just this time ''. My inner voice .

That day Cheng Fan didn't go to the company, he stayed at home to take care of me because I had a fever and our lives have changed since then .

The two of us often go on vacations abroad like lovers and we always entrust his son to Cheng Fan's mother when we are away.

We do not confirm our relationship . I also do not express my love for Cheng Fan that has been silent for many years.

I'm very satisfied with my life now I dare not ask for more.

Just let it flow naturally

And maybe because the two of us often vacation abroad together. Cheng Fan's mother starts to suspect our relationship and arranges a blind date for Cheng Fan even though Cheng refuses but I still don't know what Cheng Fan has in mind.

During that one week Cheng Fan would often come home late at night for the same reason to meet with clients.

I never got suspicious because Cheng Fan never lied to me but lately my heart feels insecure and scared and tonight he said he might come home late again because he wanted to visit his mother.

I planned to call Cheng Fan and ask if I should wait for him to have dinner together but his cellphone is not active. I tried to think positive and I called her mother's residence.

'' Hello Auntie ''. After rang twice Cheng Fan 's mother pick up.

'' Yes , Di Yang ''.

'' Auntie, can you help me ask Cheng Fan if I should wait for him to have dinner? ''.

'' Eh , you don't know? Cheng Fan is on date with the girl I introduced one week ago ''.

At that moment ,

My world is collapsing.

My heart hurts so much.

My lips froze.

That's the reason why Cheng Fan came home late

I ended the call with Cheng Fan's mother and knelt down while grabbing my chest , the tears non stop falling I cried loudly.

My heart hurts so much that it can't function anymore.

Again and again my heart was hurt by Cheng Fan.

I was stupid enough to believe that I was important to him.

I was stupid enough to give hope to my heart.

Cheng Fan came back late at night I didn't sleep when he climbed onto the bed and hugged me from behind.

My tears dropped again.

Why Cheng Fan ?

Why I couldn't reach you?

Why can't you love me ?

Why can't you look at me properly?

Why are you lying to me, Cheng Fan ?

Just why?.

I want to ask Cheng Fan all these questions but I can't, so I can only keep them deeply in my heart.

The next day, still as usual I made breakfast for Cheng and acted as if nothing had happened.

I told him that I would hang out with my friends later and I will take his son to his mother's house .

He just nodded.

See, Cheng Fan never cares for me, he doesn't ask who I hang out with? Or what time do I come home?

He will never care for me or love me?

You are so pathetic, Di Yang

I smiled bitterly at myself

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After taking his son to his mother's house I immediately drove to Cheng Fan's company.

I lied to Cheng Fan when I said I wanted to hang out with my friends

Actually I want to follow him. I want to see the woman he is dating with.

Although I don't know if today he will meet that woman or not

Cheng Fan usually finished work at 6 in the afternoon and I have been waiting for him from 5 pm.

I parked my car across the street not far from his company.

After an hour . finally Cheng Fan 's car came out of the parking lot.

I turned on the engine and followed his car from behind soon Cheng Fan stopped in front of the jewelry shop.

I think he bought a present for that woman and his second stop is at flower shop.

How much I hope you can treat me like this Cheng Fan ?.

And his last stop was at a fancy restaurant.

When Cheng Fan opened the door of his car he as greeted by a woman.

I was surprised that that woman looked a bit like my sister.

I laughed loudly in the car.

I laughed at this stupid me.

I easily thought I could enter Cheng Fan's life, apparently he still hadn't forgotten my sister.

Cheng Fan and that woman chatting happily while walking into the restaurant and there was me who crying sadly in the car.

My heart shattered into pieces

After managed to see that woman, I no longer followed Cheng Fan.

My heart is tired, I can't take it anymore and imagine what will happen next between them.

I drove home with a broken heart.

There are so many people beside Cheng Fan and he will never need me.

I thought that as long as Cheng Fan was by my side, I would be fine even if he was with someone else one day. I just found out that I just lie to myself all the time

I've suffered enough over the years when Cheng Fan was with my sister and now I don't think I can suffer for another years seeing him with other people.

I can't stand this pain anymore.

So let me end this pain for myself.

When I got home, I went straight to my room to get my diary book , pen from the drawer then went to the kitchen to took the fruit knife and brought it with me to the bathroom.

I can't shed tears anymore I think I've used all my tears for Cheng Fan since I fell in love with him and he couldn't return my love

I sat on the floor and began writing in the diary book, which happened left with one more sheet.

Looks like my life will end along with my diary book.

~ Cheng Fan, I'm sorry for falling in love with you without asking your permission but I love you so much even though you can't see it. No matter how hard I try, I still can't reach you. I've been chasing you from behind for many years and now I'm tired and don't have the strength to chase you anymore. You have to take good care of yourself because from now on I won't be able to take care of you anymore I'm sorry

Each curves in to a bridge

Yet the destination is unreachable for me

Your arrival

Feels like the whistling of the wind

Missing you is like a bitter pill

So difficult to endure

Every minute, every second

I can't find it

I can't reach it

Your so called future happiness

I don't want it

Do you know that

If you understand me

In this second

I want to see

I am looking for

Your love

I would hold it tight

Guard it tight

Dare not let it slip away

Even just a bit

I wish you can see that.

(this phase from my favorite song)

My love for you ends along with my breath. Let's not meet again in next life Cheng Fan ~

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