1 Chapter 1

Di Yang POV

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* Flashback *

I sat in the front row of seats specially prepared for family members.

Today I'm attending a wedding.

That is the marriage of my beloved sister with the man I love the most.

Yes, I love that man

The man who will be my sister's husband aka my brother in law.

His name is Cheng Fan I have loved him for 11 years.

My love for him has never changed.

The three of us were childhood friends who grew up together .

Where then Cheng Fan and my sister fell in love with each other.

I witnessed their love as well as being witnesses of my love which grew stronger towards Cheng Fan.

For 11 years I have always been in the same place hoping one day Cheng Fan would turn around and realize my love for him.

But now I'm getting tired.

I just found out Cheng Fan would never be able to look back where in front of him my sister stood.

I tried to kill this love but it never worked.

For 11 years since I began to love him I never once lived happily.

I want to be free from this love.

Someone please help me?.

Because the selfish me want to be with Cheng Fan in every second while I can

When Cheng Fan and my sister are on date I always ask them to take me with them where in the end the results are painful.

And today I have become another witness to their agreement that will accompany one another for a lifetime.

How pathetic I am?.

After they finished their vows I stood clapping.

My heart is crying and it hurts a lot then Cheng Fan and my sister walk towards me.

'' Why are you crying Di Yang ? ''. Cheng Fan looks at me.

I didn't realize when my tears started to drip.

'' Because I'm happy finally you two are married ''.

( Because I love you ). But I can't say it out.

'' Silly boy '' My sister rubbing my hair and hugged

After my sister let go of me, it was Cheng Fan's turn to hug me.

'' Di Yang , do you tried to kill me during my wedding day ''.

I hugged him tightly because maybe this will be the last time I hug Cheng Fan as the person I love the most

He is my brother-in-law now.

It's time for me to give up on this love

'' I'm sorry ''. I let go of him and began to sweep away the tears that were still in my face.

Cheng Fan didn't say anything he just smiled at me.

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Two years my sister and Cheng Fan were married.

I rarely meet Cheng Fan again.

In my life, I'm still the same who can't be happy because I still love Cheng Fan.

I thought with not meeting Cheng Fan would reduce my love for him but I was wrong.

After two years , they finally had a son.

The first time I heard the news, I was mixed with joy and sorrow.

I hate myself, I should be very happy for Cheng Fan and my sister but my heart feels sad because the stupidly me still hope Cheng Fan will love me one day.

When my sister gave birth to their son

At the same time ,

Cheng Fan and me have lost the woman we love.

My sister died after giving birth to their son.

We both can't accept my sister's death.

But we have to be strong for the baby , my nephew that left by my sister in this world.

The baby must grow up with love, care and protection which will be given by me and Cheng Fan

I already owe a lot to my sister. Since our parents died.

My sister is the one who always took care of me ,

Worked hard for me,

Sending me to school,

She sacrificed a lot for me

No matter how much I loved Cheng Fan and was hurt by loving him.

I can't steal him from my sister because their hearts belong to each other.

I will replace my sister to look after them.

I will bury my love for Cheng Fan deeply in my heart

* End Of Flashback *

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* Present Day *

'' Cheng Fan , come out for breakfast ''. I called from the kitchen.

Every day I would wake up early to prepare breakfast for Cheng Fan before he left for work.

Since my sister died I moved to Cheng Fan's house live with him and his son,

I have moved into his house for three years.

Because I promised myself that I would take care of him and my sister's son and to focus on taking care of them, I even quit my job.

Every day I cook, clean the house and wash clothes and repeat the same things.

Actually, I can find a maid but I don't want to.

I never feel tired or bored since that person is Cheng Fan ,

I just want to do it for Cheng Fan , I love him.

After a few minutes, the person I called hasn't come out of his room.

I went to hold the baby and headed to Cheng Fan's room.

'' Cheng Fan '' . the person was back and forth like he was looking for something.

'' Di Yang, do you see my watch? ''. Cheng Fan stopped his movements and scratched his head.

'' At outside table , you put your watch there last night don't you remember?'' I smiled lightly at him.

'' I forgot '' Cheng Fan hit his own forehead lightly.

He said it was his favorite watch and that watch was a gift from me to him on his birthday.

I am very happy to hear that, at least he has my gifts that he likes.

He also always wears it wherever he goes.

Even though he has many watches but he still chooses mine.

Can I have a little hope ?!

'' There you are '' . Cheng Fan looks happy when he finds the watch and smiles stupidly at me.

'' I don't know what will happen to me without you , don't ever leave me Di Yang ''. The smiling face disappeared into sadness.

'' Why would you think like that ?``

'' I don't know, even though you are by my side every day but sometimes I can't feel you beside me like you are very far away and I can't reach you no matter what ''.

It's because your heart doesn't fill me,

Your eyes do not have me,

And

I'm never a part of your mind.

I've been behind you for several years, never moving my steps once because I hope you can turn around and looked at me someday.

'' You are think too much, your breakfast are ready '' . I walked towards kitchen and Cheng Fan followed me.

After breakfast, Cheng Fan was ready to go to work I carried his three year old son to send him to the front door.

'' Daddy go to work now my son, don't be naughty, don't make trouble for you uncle Di Yang be good ' . Cheng Fan said to his son who still couldn't understand and kissed him

Then Cheng Fan turned to me.

'' Di Yang , today I'm going home late because I'm having dinner with a client ''

Cheng Fan always reported to me when he came home late.

'' Ok ''.

'' I leave first ''.

I nodded

After walking a few steps Cheng Fan stopped

'' You want me to bring something sweet to you '' Cheng Fan asked

'' Yes, if you are not drunk''.

Cheng Fan , when he meets the client, always comes home

After Cheng Fan left for work, now I go back to doing my job which bathe little Cheng Fan

Feed him and put him to sleep so I can clean the house and wash clothes .

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Night time,

I sat on the couch and watched TV after little Cheng Fan slept.

The time is 10 o'clock pm and Cheng Fan is still not back yet.

I was about to call him then the doorbell rang

Who else if not Cheng Fan ?.

I quickly went to open the door

I saw one of his coworkers support his body .

'' Di Yang , as usually Cheng Fan are drunk again we are very sorry ''. His co-worker apologised to me.

'' It's okay, I can take care of it , you can go home now it's too late ''. I took Cheng Fan from him.

'' Thank you ''.

I support Cheng Fan by his body walking to his room.

I haven't switched the light on yet , Cheng Fan already pulled me to his bed.

I took a deep breathe,

I have been very tired all day taking care of his son

And

At night I must take care of Cheng Fan too.

I wake up wanting to go turn on the lights.

Cheng Fan pulled me back to the bed and topping on me.

I just want to open my mouth to call him.

But too late my lips are blocked by his lips .

Cheng Fan kissed me.

My eyes are widened I hit his chest with all might to tell him to let me go but Cheng Fan was so strong.

Cheng Fan kissed me roughly and bit my lips.

I can feel my lips being wet by his saliva.

I was kissed by Cheng Fam almost unable to breathe.

Where he finally moved his lips to my neck and sucked it , said in small voice '' I miss you ''.

My hands stopped moving

Cheng Fan raised his head and two hands caught my cheek he said again '' I missed you ''.

I know the person he meant is not me but my sister.

I smiled bitterly, my heart ached.

It hurts so much that makes me want to die.

Why Cheng Fan ?

My sister has gone for 3 years now

You still can't forget her

Can you look at me properly?

I can't hold on anymore ,

Cheng Fan , I'm so tired from loving you .

You forced me unable to breathe.

Can you please love me too?

I desperately need your love.

Then, I felt my face wet.

I can't see his face since it's too dark but I know Cheng Fan is crying

He pressed his forehead against mine .

I using my hands wrapped around his neck and replied him '' I miss you too ''.

Cheng Fan would never know how painful I was when he kissed me and thought of someone else .

He will never know.

That night Cheng Fan put himself inside of me without lubricant and condom , it hurts so much

Because he is Cheng Fan the man I love I endured the pain for him but it wasn't too painful compared to my heart.

I took advantage of drunken Cheng Fan to make love to me because I knew he would never do this to me if he was in his consciousness.

I want to connect my body with him at least once even though Cheng Fan thinks of me as someone else I'm so stupid , right ?

'' I love you Cheng Fan ''

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