Living but not seeing

There are times I ponder over all the things that I am insecure about. As a child, I was grown in a household where there is full of love and joy despite of problems that occurs within the duration of our family bond. I was grew up as someone who wants to please everybody with my achievements. Not until I slowly stopped giving a damn about academics back when I was 13, when I transferred into a prestigious school in California, which where I am currently staying in with my dad.

If you're wondering why I'm staying in California with my dad, it's because my mom forced me to. I had to come here just to fulfill a goal that doesn't exist within the field of my imagination and to accompany and build a stronger bond with my father.

Well, mom… my bond with dad is weaker than ever.

"Bad Morning world," I groggily greeted myself as my alarm clock woke me up with an irritating beep. My body was still heavily plastered against my bed and buried underneath my thick blanket. My head was still found underneath my pillow. 'Ugh… do I seriously need to go to school? Why is does school exist---' And here is my random internal rant; where is the source of my internal rants from? My lazy ass. (Don't tell anyone)

I grumpily sat up from my bed and saw that the lighting in my room was still a bit dim. I instinctively look at the time and my face scrunched into different unpleasing curves, my whole body just violently slam back on the bed and cried out loudly against my pillow, "I swear to my mama! That I've always wished to God to have a freaking miracle in my life and have these magical supernatural stuffs to do anything I want without moving!"

Yup. This is my usual early morning routine. You see girls (and boys)! I'm unique! I'm not your typical teenage girl who wakes up in the morning and has all this sunshine and rainbows surrounding her aura or has this motivational things going in my brain just to drag myself into the bathroom. I'm a teenager who hates waking up just to do stuffs that probably doesn't have meaning to it at all.

This is why I have to change myself… next year- 2019.

"UGH! I had enough of this life!" I screamed as I stood up, grabbed my towel, and bring my moody self into the bathroom. You know, I'll just be chill once the cool water gets on top of my head. 'I'll just be chill.'

I took all my clothes off and threw it into my laundry basket before entering the shower and turning it on. Water sprinkled and trickled against my bare white skin, I felt refreshed and enlightened by the world that life is great. I'm completely calm before my imagination CD plays in.

Okay girls… time to become Beyonce and have a short concert in the bathroom. "Turn the lights on!" I whispered loudly and started to put on a fierce expression on my face and started confidently walking around the bathroom as if I was some superstar.

I squeezed some shampoo onto the palm of my rough hands and run my fingers across my straight black hair and look at the handle of my shower head as if it was the camera, "Every night I rush through my bed-" I sang before I heard a knock reverberating through my bathroom door and I was a bit frightened about it since I have a minor ghost paranoia.

"Akalia! It's already 7o'clock and the bus will soon come to pick you up! Make it fast. Also, I'll be going to work now." I heard my dad's voice outside my door and just sighed n relief that it wasn't a ghost.

"Okay-" before he could even hear my reply, I heard the door of my room shut closed. My heart was a bit fluttering from disappointment and sadness. 'I wonder what does my father look like now.'

My name is Akalia Abdiette, i'm 16, and I don't know what I am doing with my life.