4 Chapter 3

A year passes by in a heartbeat, and in my case my heart went three times to fast. I have been married for seven years, and only now am I regaining what I lost, in a son. I have been taking leave from my duties as premier to attend Izzy who is eight months along, and due any day. However much I prepare myself to be a father my anxiety never settles long; it is like a string tied about me never letting me get far before yanking me back in. My countenance changes daily, sometimes projecting excitement at the prospect of parenthood, and others fear of failing my son, and wife. The state has settled, and opposition to my leadership has largely dispersed, but there is ever present the fear of assassination among my advisors. Whether or not the fear is legitimately reasoned I cannot ascertain, the threat as I knew would never go away. Power is a thing which is undeniably followed by danger, and a premature death is something I have come to terms with as a possibility, and a very plausible one at that. Izzy frets over my safety with no end, and constantly pleads me to be safe, out of love, and understanding for her fear I take precautions to ensure my security. Even though I'm busy she sees more of me than anyone. I leave the office early to be with her at night, and I'm there when she wakes in the morning. I rarely sleep, and she hates that, but I refuse to be away from her for work, and therefore I work through the night. Yet now with my duties being attended by trusted staff, I lay in bed cocooning Izzy in my arms. Her steady breathing reassures me, her warmth keeping me settled in this world. There is no one in this world I'd rather have, with her tender sweetness, and patient understanding. Her eyes are closed feigning sleep, the only thing giving her away is the tenseness of her muscles. I lean over and kiss her forehead pulling her closer, which brings a smile to her lips. "How long have you known?" she asks in a pleasure filled voice. "For a while" I reply as I move a strand of her golden blonde hair from her face. Her eyes met mine, and a twinkle came to them. "You know you ought to get more sleep, for the baby at least" I tell her with a smile. My hand moves to the round protrusion of her stomach feeling for any signs of movement. "You try sleeping with this thing inside you." I laugh "I wouldn't dream of it dear; I admire you for putting up with it!" I reply with a kiss. She slides her arms around me and pulls me close, bringing our foreheads together. I love the way she is, her need for closeness, and open intimacy. "I wouldn't have it any other way" she whispers in my ear. "Nor would I" I whisper back moving my nose to nudge her ear. She giggles, still every bit the girl I fell in love with, just as playful and spry in spirit. She closes the gap between us leaving merely an inch between our bodies and says softly "you're going to make a great father." I almost thought of frowning, yet I smiled despite myself "and you a great mother." She took a sharp intake of breath, her hand shot to her stomach and her face contorted in pain for a brief second. "What's wrong?" I ask in concern reaching around her in a protective gesture. "Nothing, he just moved the wrong way is all" her smile is forced, and strained, pain bringing tears to her eyes. "Are you sure?" I ask in a dubious tone searching her face for signs of panic. "Yesss. ah" her voice was barely a hiss. Her hand shot to her stomach as she balled up in pain. I started getting up my concern reaching a level that required immediate action. Her hand shot out catching my wrist in a firm grip her eyes now letting out a river of tears. "I've got to get help!" I tell her in a pleading voice, needing badly to make things better. I could not bear being powerless to help her, I had no control, no say, I couldn't just whisk her away from her pain. This is true pain, watching someone you love more than anything hurt, and being able to do so little to help them. She releases my wrist as if she knew my desire to bring help in some way, to exercise what little control I have. I leave the room in a hurry; I turn left down the main hall to the stairs. I took the steps by three bounding towards the guard station beyond the front door. When I entered it, I was breathless, and immediately met with the clicking sound of guns. The guards gave a nervous yelp as they realized who I am and moved clicking heels together bringing a closed fist to their chests. "Is something wrong sir?" one inquires with a deep resonating voice. "I need medical staff brought to my room as quickly as possible!" I reply in an urgent, commanding voice, making clear that delays would not be tolerated in carrying this order out. Registering the immediate expectancy one of the guards pulled a communication bar from his belt and pressed the button on its surface. "This is station one, we need all available medical staff in the main bedroom asap!" I turned spinning on my heel and hurried off to attend Izzy. I made it back just moments after the first doctor who had already started taking vitals, and had Izzy laid on her back instructing her to take deep breaths. I rushed over to the bed desperately needing to comfort her. I reached out my hand and met hers with a reassuring squeeze. "With all due respect sir, you should probably wait outside" the doctor says with a fearful glance "I need her to concentrate completely." I began to protest, but Izzy through a pain filled sob said, "Go! I'll be fine." I left the room reluctantly, no one ever wants to leave someone they love, especially when they are in pain. It breaks my heart like a fragile ball of glass being dropped from a high building. I have no clue what to do, I am without aim, my sole purpose having been taken away from me. Sometimes we forget that we are not the only ones who love our spouses, because when we love it seems that no other could possibly love them as strongly as us. I had forgotten that it was not only I who loved Izzy, who cared for her. When I finally came to the realization that I am not alone in my love for her I hastened to make calls. First to Alex, my minister of state for the last three years, and of course brother-in-law. Then to an assortment of friends, old and new. To those who wished news I promised it, and those wishing to comfort I invited it, arranging within an hour for several people to be flown, and driven. I attempted, and failed to keep the press in the dark, quite understandably the whole incident was leaked. By the time I had my wits about me they swarmed, demanding answers, asking questions, all in a frantic flurry badly wanting to be the first ones with a juicy piece. Despite my usual transparency with them, I waved away camera and microphone simply saying, "This is a matter of personal importance, not national, and you will get your news with everyone else, as it comes." Lack of privacy is a major downside to being head of state in any country, the press always seemed to know about the events in your life before you did. It is a nuisance, but I wouldn't dream of putting a stop to it, knowing that even the smallest intervention in the public press could lead to widespread censorship by the district governments. Alex arrived several hours after my call, having been flown from out of country, he had been in the American axis states on a diplomatic mission.