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The snow slowly laid a soothing blanket of white on Wonder Park, the wind smoothing out the cascade of blistering bright crystals. An eighteen year old boy sat on a park bench. He shivered, not from the blistering cold but from the absence of life. He felt his heart pound, replacing the rumbling of thunder. Something dark and deep beneath his heart began to swell.

That boy was me.

I felt the cold wrap around me like a blanket. A low lullaby of depression swept over the entire city. It never occurred to me what made someone push themselves to this extent. What I was about to do was nothing short of murder. The sirens that would soon replace my sorrow seemed distant. I wanted to do what the highest of men would have to be tortured to even think about.

I was going to kill myself.

Funny. Repeating those words over and over again made it lose all its significance. The patheticness that accompanied such actions were soothing. The bottom of the barrel did not feel so bad anymore. But. What lays beyond the bottom. The rats that so desperately tried to claw their way in or, nothingness.

I did believe in the afterlife. Everyone should, it is only natural to wonder. Then you learn about the wars,greed, and everything distraught that comes to mind. The tables turn and suddenly you are doubting the very childhood sessions of becoming one with the lord were actually true. Not so sure any all powerful would allow such hatred and gluttony to be fulfilled. Not sure if there is a purpose anymore. Not sure if this world is worth living in.

If there was any chance of him being real. Then I guess I am really lucky. I never had to beg for food, scavenge through garbage cans, live in an orphanage, have to wear the same clothes. I had everything I needed to live a good life, however despite all of the things I could be thankful for,I still felt emptiness. No tangible thing could restore the fact that the love of my life was dead.Sarah,

Sarah Risinger, a beautiful blonde haired girl who happen to come to the same Golden Street Cafe that I regularly visited. Some days she would sit in the corner sipping coffee as she listened to something on her headphones, staring aimlessly into the window. Other days she would come in with another woman that never seemed to peak my interest. Her name was Holly Green. A dark haired girl whose face never seem to leave a note in my head. Every time I tried to remember Holly, the thought was devastatingly crushed by the unquenchable smile Sarah gave me as she entered Golden Street. I would stare even if it brought its own. Her smooth skin as it grabbed her frappe,her nails perfect pink, Her blue eyes as she searched for an open seat, and the ways she would arrange hear laptop and drawing tablet in a routine way. It was unusual in its own right to know so many details of a person but once you see those blue eyes filled with intent, her presence would always take ahold of you. Besides me being obsessed for weeks, I finally gathered the courage to talk to her.

It seemed like the perfect love story. Something my kids would cherish all their lives as they sought the same fate. If only. Now the horrible truth of never seeing Sarah again was enough to push me this far.

I forced myself to stop remembering. It only hurt me more. I felt the numbness replace the aching pain in my heart. I could not go another breathe without her gentle hands clasped around mine. I forced myself to stand, the wild winds whipping me forward. It seemed as even the elements were pushing me toward the edge of the forest. I trudged my way down the disappearing path. There was a faint hum of the highway a few miles away, lights flickering in and out of sight from the treeline.

It was time. I made my way around the great big oak that shed the last glimpse of life that once grew. A leaf that was way past its due date. It hit the snow and was enveloped in the whiteness.

Once again a memory made its way back into my head. Sarah and I held hands walking down the same winding path. Two kids on bikes pedaled by giving us a helpful look as they veered off the path. Sarah squeezed my hand harder as she stared deeply into my eyes. Our first kiss. We sat next to the huge trunk of an Oak. It loomed above us as squirrels and birds made the autumn leaves trickle down. Sarah leaned against my chest. She smiled as she breathed in sync with my heartbeat.

"It's almost crazy right."

I glanced down to see her eyes shut as she let her mind wonder.

"What is?"

"That we are living a perfect life. No hassles or annoyances to stop us. No disagreement between families. No hate. Feels so unreal."

She peered deep into the forest, her mind grasping for something untouchable. Her eyes darted from campsite to campsite. The families rejoicing each other as kids chased one another.

I followed her gaze, "Yeah you're right,but I'm pretty sure this is real." I pushed my lips against her, driving her back to the ground. We both embraced each other as we did lips. Our bodies colliding together. After running out of breathe we separated. A warmth grew within both our hearts as we gasped for air only to rejoin once again. Once our act was done she pulled me in close. I could feel her breath tickle my ear.

"You really need to work on your punchlines. That one was way too raunchy." I awkwardly pulled away rubbing the back of my neck. We locked eyes. A few seconds later we both were laughing as the silence was broken with open arms.

I punched myself in the gut. The sickening thud bringing me back into reality. I sank to my knees. Spitting out any saliva that was not already frozen. I stared angrily at the snow. My hands and knees sinking into the pillow of crystals. I used the rest of my strength to get up. I looked back from where I came. It was too late to go back as my footprints hid under another layer of snow. The recent ones mocking me as they dissolved from my sight. I turned and continued toward my destination.

I had to do what made the pain stop, like a needle making its way from my heart to my neck. I felt my body shake uncontrollably now. Warmth became a distant thought as the overwhelming cold teased me.

After trudging through the snow my socks and jacket were soaked in freezing water. Then I finally felt nothing, the numbness taking full effect. The two familiar trees that marked the end of the forest approached me. Their bark a dark brown with a sign resting against each one. "CAUTION: SHARP DROP OFF AHEAD". I stared blankly at the sign. For once in my life I had a reason to live but at the same time it was ripped away from me. The sign had scratches that made the words dull and hard to read except for ahead, the words a bold red as it seemed to lift of the metal and sink inside me. What did lay ahead? Truthfully I did not want to answer that question but the agonizing memories stirred once again.

My parents huddled around a christmas tree. The lights finally done being hanged on it. I stood at the outlet confusing looking for the cord to plug it in. I saw it in the corner of my eye. Right before I reached for it a hand grabbed it. I followed it to Sarah holding it against her chest.

"Can I have the honor?" She smiled as pearly white teeth were revealed.

"I always get to do this. It's kinda like a tradition."I replied rubbing the back of my neck. In the background Sarah's father sat next to mine. He sipped something that was steaming hot, probably eggnog.

My father looked over at me with angry look. I repaid him with one myself.

"Pleeeeaase." Sarah intently pondered at the tree.

"Yeah,sure." I backed away as she bent down to plug it in. Both her and my family all stood together admiring our handy work. The blistering white lights lit up the night as adults sipped eggnog and little brothers and sisters ran around the tree chasing marley, my pitbull.

I screamed at the top of my lungs as I held back tears. Again, I crashed onto my knees, a river of tears flowed down my cheeks. I had to end it. It was too much. I sprang to my feet and dashed passed the signs. As I did so I felt my presence disappear just like my footprints. Before I knew it I stood five feet away from the edge. It felt like all of the pain and suffering fled from my body, just like the heat. I limped closer, the cold taking its toll. I felt nothing. I took another step. Then it hit me. The thought of my family crying as a policeman told them of my fate. The funeral that would be held. Sarah's family sitting in a pew next to mine as they both grieved together. The wind stopped as another memory replaced it.

This time Sarah and I sat on a park bench as she had her hands clasped around mine. She searched for me as I watched kids play in the park.

"You wanna get married."

My entire body shuddered as those words sunk into my skin.

"Are you serious?!" It was way out of left field.

Sarah laughed, she got up and tugged me to my feet.

"Ethan," her lips mouthing my name was so seductive. "We have been together for two years and I feel like I want to take another step." The seriousness of the situation came into fruition.

My grin faded and for a second, I did not know what to say. For the first time in my life I could not make a joke or use a really bad pun. I...

"Our families love each other and if I'm not mistaken, I think we love each other too."

Her contagious eyes pulled me closer, "I Love you Sarah."

Her white cheeks turned pink, "I just said that, you didn't have to do that to me, I almost had a heart attack."

"I didn't know you still were this embarrassed?" I gestured to the many people who surrounded us, going about their daily lives.

"Oh shut up,"

She got on her tippy-toes and kissed me. The safety of her arms wrapped around me.

My world shrunk as it became a barrier between me and anything I once wanted. The thought of Sarah being with me the rest of my life made me tear up. I saw a glimpse of kids crying to her, us sitting on the couch together trying to be quiet, Sarah waving to little kids getting on a bus, and a sight of us at a wedding.

"You should of told me." I said straight to her face. She let go of me and tilted her head, "what do you mean, I should of told you?"

I wiped her kiss off my lips, "You should of fucking told me." I grabbed her by the collar of her shirt.

Cowering in fear she put her hands up in self defense, "what the hell do you mean?!"

I let go of her as I saw the bruise forming on her arm and neck.

"You should of told me you were going to die."

The park started to spin and stretch, color fading from everything.

"I thought you knew Ethan, there is no such thing as true happiness. It's only temporary, like me and you."

Sarah smiled as she poked my nose tauntingly, " Just like the tree we sit under every Sunday, eventually that willow will die and low and behold, so will we."

"You're wrong Sarah,"

She kissed me on the cheek, "I love you Ethan."

I reached it, the willow tree that was stained with our connection. Hundreds of hours spent sitting here watching the everyday lives of Wonder City. People jogging up the hillside and a stream of bikers streaming by. It was our special place. So special that when I saw what happened. I let go of the pain. The will that so desperately tried to fight its way back in me was gone.

Just a few feet in front of me, the willow tree was on its side. It's trunk splintered and decaying.

"Ethan what are you staring at?"

Sarah's voice tickled my neck.

"I'm not turning around Sarah, I know you're dead. I'm not gonna be that long anyways "

My toes no longer had support and just like nothing, I was falling forty feet straight down.

Darkness.