Why did you stop writing this. Its pretty good. I have nothing else to say but it wont let me post without at least 140 characters so yeah here's a bunch of random stuff
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Keep writing - you got this! Some of the errors are there but hey, you're going great. Everything can work out. Cannot wait to read more! Clouse, just try to focus on the quality and for sure this would be an amazing read. Some times it works best to have other eyes to get it right! :D