118 A flawed system

"You-You're an Uchiha?" the old woman took a step back.

"Haah... Kana-chan. Tsunade-hime is a Senju. I particularly tried to hide the fact you're an Uchiha. Do you know that your clans had a blood feud for at least the last century?"

"Yeah, see if I care." Kaname shrugged her shoulders.

"I do. Your cursed clan butchered my ancestors." Tsunade growled back.

"And? You weren't there, Granny, neither was I. Will you hold me accountable for what some dipshits from my clan did decades ago? Holding grief for what someone did a century ago is plainly stupid. Why the heck do you try to label them into today's morals and standards?"

"Ugh... You're rather well-spoken for an Uchiha..."

"Yeah, I am- Ah, I mean, Hmnn~." she smirked, grumbling in uchiha language.

"Come on - I know you can do better than their caveman's speech."

"Uhn~." Kaname turned her head to the side.

Tsunade sighed tiredly, "Hey you." She turned to Utakata, "How do you deal with this girl? I know her for a minute and already have a migraine."

"Kana-chan is special and has a very... unique sense of humor. If you're going to become the new Hokage, you should get used to her, Tsunade-san."

"Me? Get used to her?" Tsunade's eyes turned back towards Kaname.

"Hmmn~" the black-haired woman nodded.

"... It's the other way around. I will teach you some proper manners, Flat Board."

"Hee~," Kaname mused, "I would like to see you try, Granny."

Utakata and Jiraiya took a step back, feeling danger emanating from both women.

"Psst, should we, I don't know, separate them?" The Toad Sannin whispered.

"Maybe later, I doubt Tsunade-san would attack a mother cradling her babies. Kana-chan can't move either way, so I think we're safe, for now."

"Shit, I knew it would end up like this..."

"It was inevitable, Jiraiya-san. Both are strong and independent women with clashing personalities."

"Just you wait till Kana-chan speaks about Tsunade-hime's iryōnin rules. Catfight is guaranteed..."

"Damnit, I forgot about that. We can't allow the two of them to start talking about the-"

"And what do you mean, kicking my arse, Flat Board? I'm the strongest kunoichi period, the best iryōnin as well."

Kaname smirked back at the glaring woman, "Uhn~" she replied, turning her head to the side.

"Reply to me in a human language, damnit!"

"You were the strongest, Granny. From what you have shown during your last fight, you must have lost the sharpness in your taijutsu skills. Your punches and kicks are sloppy at best. Don't even make me start on why do you assume you're the best medic, with those rules you put up-"

"Kana-chan!" Utakata jumped into their argument, "We should go - you said that you had a plan?"

"Ah, yeah, we will use Hikōjin to save up some time, Utakata."

"But your chakra..." he continued.

"What's a Hikōjin?" Tsunade asked them.

"Don't worry about that, Utakata. I've got a plan for that as well!" Kaname chuckled.

"Stop ignoring me! What's a Hikōjin?!" the old woman demanded.

"Only for me and the Hokage to know, a triple S class secret."

"I'm-"

"Practically, you're not a Hokage yet, Granny. But I'll have to show it to you either way. Now, Utakata, you will have to flood my system with your chakra. I hope some of it stays for long enough for me to activate the seal located back in Konoha."

"Flood the system? Are you insane, girl? A sudden injection of foreign chakra can send you into a hospital or even kill you! Even if you survive, he would need to send enormous amounts for even part of it to be absorbed by your body."

"Heh, no problem. The Snake's seal will deal with the excess chakra. And Utakata won't have any problems with expelling enormous quantities of it either, Granny."

"Hoh~. Confident, aren't we? Ah, here goes your Uchiha kid."

"I'm sorry, I'm late. I couldn't find Tonton - a small piglet is hard to find hidden in the bushes." Itachi flickered in, trying to overlook blushing Shizune gaping at his face as he held her body in a princess-carry.

"Hmm?" Kaname scratched the side of her face, "I think I may have met Shizune-chan before. Hey, Granny, were you in Tanzaku Quarters like five years ago?"

"Yeah, I was... escaping through here due to the bets. Shizune told me a nice Nee-san helped her, who would have guessed she meant an insane one..."

"Hey! I'm not insane. I'm just slightly crazy, okay?!" Kaname chimed in, "Hi, Shizune-chan, nice to meet you again."

"Huh? Uh? Did we met?" Shizune reluctantly turned her eyes towards the black-haired beauty calling to her.

"Heh, I'm sorry to deliver those grave news, but Itachi-kun has a girlfriend already." she laughed out loud, seeing both Sannins' students blush profusely.

"Is Naruto okay?" Tsunade walked to the blonde that Itachi pulled in his left hand.

"A little roughed up, but otherwise okay. We were lucky. I found Kabuto standing frozen a step away from Naruto." he replied, putting Shizune back on her feet and slowly putting unconscious jinchūriki's body on the ground.

The Slug Sannin instantly set herself next to the boy, looking for any wounds on the blonde's body.

"Haah... Ms. Self-Proclaimed Best Iryōnin. You're doing it all wrong." Kaname sighed.

"What?!"

"If you beheaded Naru-chan, his head would roll next to your ankle just for him to bite you... Wounds are superficial to him. Itachi-kun, bring him here."

"I don't like how you spoke about beheading your brother like it was nothing, Flat Board." Tsunade growled, standing aside.

Once Itachi put Naruto next to Kaname, the group watched her whispering something into the boy's ear, making Naruto's mouth grin stupidly and spill the drool.

"Ramen for dinner!" Naruto sprang back on his feet and looked at the faces in front of him, "Huh? Where am I, Sis ~ttebayo? Wait, Sis?!"

"What's up, Naru-cha- Guh!" She did not expect Naruto to push her to the ground.

"Orochimaru is lurking around here! I will protect you, Sis!"

"Take it easy, Naruto. We dealt with him for the moment." Utakata calmed him down.

"Hehe ~dattebayo, I'm sorry, Sis."

"No problem, but be extra careful around Haru and Kushina. If I did not hold them tightly, you might have pried them off my arms."

"Ah, I'm sorry, Sis, I acted before I thought ~dattebayo."

Kaname tussled the top of his heart, "As I said, no problem, Naru-chan."

"He-hehehe, nice to have ya' back. I missed you, Sis ~ttebayo."

Tsunade closely watched Kaname's every move, 'It seems I was wrong. They do love each other. You can't fake those siblings' smiles and the glint in their eyes - it's like they know everything about each other. I lack information to understand what's going on, but I'm sure Naruto is safe under her wings. Maybe I can trust them a bit...'

"Umm, so where is the ramen?" Naruto laughed, scratching the back of his head.

"Who the heck eats ramen at this hour, gaki?!"

"Naru-chan does. He eats it for breakfast, dinner, dessert, and supper, sometimes also in the middle of the night."

"You knew, Sis?!"

"Okay, now that everyone is up, we should go back to Konoha as soon as possible." Kaname decided, "Jiraiya-san, you know how it works, form a group in front of me."

"So needy..." The white-haired man groaned, standing back up onto his feet, "You heard her. Come closer for a group hug."

"T-that seal! It's what Orochimaru was frightened about!" The Slug Sannin pointed at the piece of paper wrapped around Kaname's sword handle.

"Yeah, my design, Granny. Cute one, isn't it?"

"Cute?! It's one of the most complex seals I saw in my life! Wait, you're an Uchiha that has that much experience in creating such seals, Flat Board?"

"Yeah, why?"

"... It's impossible for one of your clan to achieve such mastery by yourself. Who taught you?"

"If you must know, it was Naru-chan's mother - can we leave this topic for later? I don't have enough strength to fight with Orochimaru, and neither of you even stand a chance against him."

Tsunade nodded, joining the group around Jiraiya, 'So an Uzumaki was her master... Those two clans working together, that's exciting and a bit scary.'

-----

Tsunade rubbed her eyes after an unexpected explosion of red flames, temporarily blinded her, "Huh? We're alive, at the least. Seeing those flames, I thought I died where I stood. Where are we?" She looked around, noticing only the tip of the trees far below her feet.

"In Konoha, on top of Hokage's Mountain, Granny."

"Huh? Wait, THAT WAS HIRAISHIN!?"

Jiraiya smiled, seeing his teammate's sanest response to Kaname's over powerdness.

"Nope, Minato-san's Hiraishin did not work for me. I have created my version. But hush-hush, Granny, it's a secret - only half of Konoha saw me using it..." she joked.

"No wonder you're so confident, Flat Board."

"Hehe, I don't need it to kick your arse, Granny."

"Using Sharingan? It's pretty standard for an Uchiha to depend on it, Flat Board."

"Nah, for the way you're at the moment, I can deal with you without it, Granny."

"Hmm, you're still hiding something."

"Hehe, if you want to know everything, you need to become the First Granny Hokage."

"Why do I feel like you're having fun at my expense, Flat Board?"

"Because I do."

"Kana-chan, you came back!" an ANBU wearing a cat mask greeted her, "Are you okay?"

"All is fine and dandy, Yu-chan. Utakata is just stubborn and doesn't let me walk by myself."

"Hmm. Keep it up, Utakata-san!" Yugao gave the jinchūriki a thumbs up.

"Traitor!"

"Hehehe, I'm sorry, Kana-chan. But even you need to rest. I will alert Hokage-sama we have guests, come down to meet him." the violet-haired woman flickered away.

'So she has her friends in ANBU as well.' Tsunade's mind couldn't even touch the tip of the iceberg of Kaname's real influence around Konoha.

Kaname smiled at his boyfriend, "You heard Yugao-chan! Go on my steed~!" Utakata laughed out, carrying Kaname down the stone stairs.

'She certainly is having fun...' Tsunade massaged her forehead.

-----

Kabuto woke up, seeing only the black stone wall in front of him, "Huh?"

"Just shut up, Kabuto. I need your help." Orochimaru held his intestines from falling off his belly. His right hand was sickly purple and was hanging limply at his side.

"O-Orochimaru-sama?! What happened?" his subordinate jumped into action.

"We were defeated. I don't want to hear your voice now. Heal me!"

"Yes, Oro-" the young man slumped under the intense gaze of pale yellow snake eyes.

...

An hour later, Orochimaru sat upon a makeshift stone throne gnawing at his thumb's nail, "We need to get to Otogakure as quickly as possible. No, nothing would stop her from destroying it. Losing my main hideout would be the end of me. Maybe a change of bodies is necessary - I have some spare bodies around the Fire City."

"We can get there in two to three days, Orochimaru-sama. If you summon one of the bigger-" Under the intense glare from his master, Kabuto's voice drifted away once again.

"You didn't even know what hit you, Kabuto. I expected something more from one of my subordinates. You should at least be able to dispel Kana-chan's genjutsu."

"Kaname's? She was here?"

"Who do you think was able to stop me from killing my teammates, boy? Ask me one more stupid question! You're the spy - so act like it! Why should I explain everything to you?"

"I-I'm sorry, Orochimaru-sama. I will not let such a failure repeat itself."

"You should hope it doesn't because there won't be the next time. Kabuto, you will head towards Otogakure - bring me the DNA samples of Uzumaki Mito and Kushina. Purge all the records of the location of my hideouts. Kill anyone that has any information about them as well."

"As you wish, Orochimaru-sama. Just for confirmation, without supervision, hundreds of your test subjects will die. Do you want me to continue?"

"You are still here? I gave you an order, boy." Orochimaru narrowed his eyes at Kabuto.

The Snake-Sannin watched the silver-haired young man flee in panic, 'I never expected that a loss could taste so bitter. Damn you, Kaname.' he stood back up, walking towards his temporary dungeon's exit, 'You, no, your family will suffer my wrath.'

Reaching the stone doors, when he tried to move the earthen gate, Orochimaru's hand stopped and started trembling in fright, 'Damn you!', he pushed on the stone, letting the sunlight reach his eyes.

"Heh~ you look like a little scared rabbit, Snake." sitting above the cave's entrance, a blue-skinned man's voice greeted him.

"Kisame... What do you want?" Orochimaru growled back at the half-shark man. 'I can't fight him now. Fleeing from Manda took way too much from me...'

"Me? Nothing, I was asked to find you. The leader wants to exchange a few words with you."

"So a legendary swordsman was reduced to a mere delivery man?"

Kisame shrugged his broad shoulders, "If it's for Akatsuki's goal of erasing all the wars, this is only a small inconvenience for me." he threw a small black disk on the ground.

'I can't let them know, Kana-chan, has marked me. Fortunately, I could use Akatsuki's resources. I don't like groveling in front of that kid, but the end justifies the means. Or maybe I could use the leverage against him?'

The disk in front of him hummed into life, expelling rays of light, that quickly formed into the shadow of Akatsuki's purple-eyed leader.

"Orochimaru, you disappointed me."

"There were unforeseen circumstances."

"Kaname Uchiha, and her customized Hiraishin?" Pain growled back at him.

"So you know of that? It makes it much easier, Pain. Or maybe you would like to be called by your real name, Nagato-kun?" Orochimaru chuckled, seeing the substitute body of Rinnegan user glare back at him, "Zetsu failed his job. I was sure he could hijack her babies. He never contacted me after my invasion began."

"Hehehe, the stupid plant got his clones decimated. He never took a closer look at who protected those little shits." Kisame laughed out.

"Oh?"

"It seems the late Mizukage did not die. Hehe, that plant did not stand a chance."

"I see. As you can see, Nagato-kun, we need each other. Without Sasori, I'm the only one that has a working spy network."

"You are the one that killed Sasori." Pain replied factually.

"I did not save him - that's much different. Despite the fact, where is the problem with that?" Orochimaru smiled.

The two men stared at each other for half a minute. Looking straight into Rinnegan, Orochimaru fought not to let his greed surface on his face.

"... You're scared and vulnerable now. Why should I even listen to you, Orochimaru?"

"Fufufu, your toys didn't walk out from the fight with Kaname in much better condition, Nagato-kun." Noting that Akatsuki's leader was considering just terminating him on the spot, the Sannin continued, "I can offer you my spy network. Creating a global one from nothing would take you at least a decade. But there's also a cherry on top of it. I'm one of the people that knows Kana-chan the most."

"What does it change? You tried attacking her before."

"Fufufu. She had an, let's call it, an interesting power. After a year of research, I may know how to stop it from unearthing again. Without it, once I kill her, she won't be able to come back." He bluffed without batting an eye.

"... Kisame, go to Iwagakure. I have got a job there for you. And you, Orochimaru, I hope that the threat that woman maintains will disappear in the following year." the projection disappeared.

"Hehehe, you're a selfish bastard, Snake. You know that?" Kisame's triangular teeth exposed themselves in a grin.

"Fufufu. You don't belong in this group Kisame, but it's nice to have the support of the legendary swordsman."

-------

"Kana-chan! Thank the gods you came back!" The old Hokage greeted her, "Nice to see you too, Tsunade-chan, you got... old."

A tick mark formed on the side of the blonde's face, "Like you're one to talk. If you must know, my rejuvenation seal hit its limit. My body will recover in an hour or two, Sarutobi-sensei."

"Why are you in a wheelchair, Jiji?"

The third Hokage slowly drove around his desk, "It's because of Izumi-chan! Once she took control of the hospital, her reign of terror began."

[AN: Apple does not fall from the tree :-D]

"Haha! All in all, that Izumi is right. At your age, you need to spare and be careful of putting too much burden on your bones, Sensei." Tsunade laughed out.

"Psst, Tsunade-hime. Izumi is Kana-chan's student." Jiraiya whispered into the woman's ear.

"Ugh..." The Slug Sannin's face soured.

"And she is an Uchiha." Kaname added, making Tsunade's body tremble, "What? Are you going to change your latest statement now, Granny?"

Hiruzen noticed her student on the brink of exploding in anger, "I see you two are acquainted. Jiraiya-kun, which country they destroyed? Their first meeting must have been exciting at the least."

"Hehe, luckily, we dodged that bullet, Sensei."

"*Cough* Good. Kana-chan, I'm sorry, but I need to ask. Are you sure that you don't want to become the Hokage?"

"But..." Tsunade gasped.

"I'm sorry, Tsunade-chan. But she is a much better choice - even your temporarily resurrected grandfather admitted that. So?"

"Nope. The Hokage system is flawed. I don't want to be a part of it." Kaname replied.

"Huh? What are you talking about, Flat Board?"

"That's easy, Granny. Shodaime Hokage created this system shortly after the Warring Clans era. He expected the next wars to follow soon. It required the next Hokage, the next protector, to be the best shinobi in the Village. But now? The Village's strongest weapon is thrown aside into pushing the documents around - waiting half his or her life for the war to happen. In my opinion, I can be much more useful in the field than in an office."

Sarutobi nodded his head, "I'm a little disappointed by your decision, but I respect it, Kana-chan. What about you, Tsunade-chan?"

"Hmm. I was ready to take the position when I came here, Sarutobi-sensei. But after listening to the Flat Board words, I have some second thoughts. I'm sure I'm the stronger one."

"Uhh, Kana-chan, did you have to do that?" The old man sighed, "Tsunade-chan, don't underestimate her. Maybe by pure muscle strength, you are better, but truthfully, Kana-chan is on Minato-kun's combat expertise, if not even higher."

"Heh, thanks, Jiji. But don't worry about that." Kaname winked towards the old Hokage, "Granny, what about a bet?"

"Hoh?"

"We will have a friendly duel in two weeks. The loser becomes the Hokage. What do you say about that?"

"Only if you don't use the Hikōjin or Sharingan, Flat Board."

"Haha, sure, whatever. I have more tricks up my sleeve."

"Hey, pervert, you're joining us." Tsunade pointed at Jiraiya.

"Huh?! WHY ME?!"