Pulling a leg

"... -chan!" While looking into the sky at the blue-haired woman slowly gliding down towards them, Kaname felt someone elbow her side.

"Kana-chan!" Genma jabbed Kaname a bit stronger this time.

"Ah! What?" The Uchiha massaged her hip.

Attempting to send a point across, Genma pointed his eyes at Konoha's two guests standing in front of them.

"Hmm?" Tsuchikage was fuming at the complete lack of respect or professionalism displayed in front of him. "Oh. Hello, Ōnoki-sama. It's nice to meet you. Don't mind me, or even better, act like I'm not even here - Genma-kun will take care of you. I'm here only for Konan."

The black-haired girl at Tsuchikage side looked at the top of her grandfather's head and noticed a bulging vein on it. "Hahaha! I've never seen anyone that pissed my old man so quickly! Teach me how you did that, Kaname-sensei!"

"Kurotsuchi-chan, right? You know me?"

"Yep! You're a legend among kunoichis! Even after giving birth, you never stopped being a kunoichi! Truthfully you are my role model! By the way, you broke the record by a landslide! Rōshi-ossan was the fastest till today." Kurotsuchi laughed out.

"Girl." Ōnoki groaned at Kaname, "We may be enemies, but the way you act to one of the world leaders would be punished by death in Iwa."

"Hmm." she hummed, disinterested, returning to watch the surprise guest.

"Hehe, she did it again. Ji-chan, take it easy, or you will snap a vein or something."

"I-I'm sorry for Kaname-chan. It's all because of one of your bodyguards - Akatsuki and Konoha have lots of animosities."

"And even more in common from what I have heard." The old man grumbled. "For all what's worth, it wasn't my idea to bring one of those mercenaries here. Daimyo... asked me to do it."

"Mercenaries, ha! That's a good one." Kaname snorted, "Have you heard that, mercenary-san?" Konan had short, straight blue hair with a bun, amber eyes with lavender eye shadow. She wore the Akatsuki cloak and a ring on her right middle finger.

The Akatsuki left Kaname's comment without a reply.

"So why did you come here, Konan? You wouldn't do that without Nagato's approval. I doubt you just wanted to meet Jiraiya-san. He is rather devastated as Nagato killed his sensei."

"... I came to Konoha to make sure you're still here." Konan replied steadily.

'Ah, Nagato expected me to attack Ame in retribution for Jiji, didn't he?' She figured out their scheme, "I was dead drunk for some time, Konan."

'Some would drown their griefs in alcohol, but she's not the type...' Konan looked straight into Kaname's eyes, 'No, she is pissed, but she isn't grieving. Kaname has a plan.'

"Not that it would be dangerous to me, but Ame is an obvious trap." The Uchiha continued, "What did you want me to do? Destroy a village between three great nations and start another war?"

"..." Konan glared at her.

"You didn't say I was wrong." Kaname snorted, "Before I let you in, believe me. If you even think about hurting my family - a threat of war with Iwa won't stop me. I promise I'll evaporate you where you stand."

"Hmph." the old, tiny man grumbled, "Typical Uchiha bravado."

"I'm not a typical Uchiha, even you know that I mean what I say, Tsuchikage-san."

"Are you threatening me, girl?"

"Enough!" Tsunade jumped into the conversation, "I knew it would end up like this! I have enough problems to deal with without a freaking war on our heads, Flat Board! Please, stand down."

"I'm only making acquaintances, Granny."

"Yeah, right..."

"Tsunade-san." Ōnoki grumbled, nodding his head in a greeting.

'From what I remember, he called Sarutobi-sensei a Hokage. Was that just a fluke, or he didn't want to recognize me as his equal?' Tsunade brainstormed quickly and replied likewise, barely dipping her forehead, "Ōnoki-san."

"It looks like Konohagakure's shinobis level has fallen drastically. What was presented clearly lacking in execution. I'm a Kage for much longer than you, Tsunade-san. From my experience, I can say that you should punish such insubordination immediately to discourage any possible copycats."

'I should have brought some popcorn.' Kaname thought, spectating the battle of words between the two Kages.

"I'll think about it someday, Ōnoki-san. How are Iwa's jinchūrikis? I expected at least one to come with you?"

'Ouch. Rōshi is just as hard-headed as Tsuchikage, and from what I know, Han is way too carefree and lively. Their personalities would clash every time they meet with this old man.' Kaname chuckled, "I think we shouldn't talk about jinchūrikis near Konan, Granny."

"... Your caution is unnecessary. I've finished my mission and will leave now." Konan proclaimed to Kaname's astonishment.

"I thought you wanted to talk privately, Konan."

"No." The blue-haired Akatsuki calmly answered, "I know everything I wanted."

"So you're not worried that damned snake started whispering into Nagato's ear?" Kaname noticed a small crack in Konan's stoic face. "I'm not even talking about Akatsuki slowly tearing apart into two separate camps."

Nagato's messenger hesitated - she highly valued the younger woman's knowledge. Kaname was an expert in dealing both with Orochimaru and Obito. But, "No. This wasn't asked of me." She stated, turning on her heel and walking away.

"Damn, Kaname-sensei." Kurotsuchi gasped, "I'm not sure who were you talking about, but I saw how much she desired to stay and listen to you."

"I know that Orochimaru is Konoha's shinobi. But Nagato? Obito? Who is that?" Tsuchikage inquired.

"That bastard is anything but Konoha's shinobi." Tsunade took a long, deep breath, calming herself down, "We will talk about them later, Tsuchikage-san. Did you know that Konan would leave you at the gates?"

"Only that she was to escort me to Konoha. I wasn't the one to request Akatsuki's help." he grumbled back, "I never expected that Kaname Uchiha to be such a temptress. Luckily for me, even someone like her fails."

"Did I really, Old man?" Kaname's voice sang out.

"Huh?"

"I'm just sowing seeds of anxiety among my enemies." She shrugged in reply, "With simple words, I can do much more damage to them than with regular combat. Making them fall out would be a preferred end for us, you know, it'll be easier to single them out later."

"... You, girl." Tsuchikage growled, "You're more dangerous than I ever imagined."

"Thanks, Old man, now a question to you, would it be possible that Earth Daimyō is in Akatsuki's pock-*gmuuuh*" Tsunade covered her mouth. Pulling Hokage's fingers away from her face, she asked fiercely, "What?!"

"Finishing that sentence would oblige Ōnoki-san to order your immediate execution, you moron. Leave talking to me."

Kaname clicked with her tongue, "Meh, I don't really care. I know you would disagree, do what you want, Granny. I expected to have some fun with the Akatsuki in Konoha, but somehow it all ended up so anti-climatic." She complained, "Whatever, with Konan gone, my mission is also finished. I have other things to do. See ya~."

"Wait! Sto-!" Tsunade was too late. She felt a migraine coming when Kaname's body combusted in bright red flames and disappeared.

"So it's true? A Hiraishin user! I hoped these were only rumors..." a short old man gasped, then he looked at Tsunade, "Hmm, I see that migraine-inducing subordinates are not only the Iwagakure's problem."

-----

Three men walked through a forest of dead trees and spires made of stone. Two of them wore an old standard Konoha outfit and sloppy forehead protectors. They followed after a blue-skinned swordsman almost twice their size covered in Akatsuki's black cloak.

Kisame stumbled over protruding roots of a nearby tree. "Fucking hermits! They always have to live in the middle of a forest."

"You bettr remember, asshole! Wer not doing it for free!" a rough voiced shinobi pointed his finger at the shark-man.

"Ha?" Kisame's animalistic glare stopped two burly men.

"G-getting those o-outfits wazn't eazy, ya know? You bettr pay up the other half after the job!" a man on Akatsuki's left stumbled over his words.

'How does that stupid snake finds so many idiots is beyond me.' He exposed his sharp teeth in a feral grin, "Yes, don't worry about that. You will get paid. I'll double your wage if you do good."

"Ya never said whatz our job."

'Wow, straining that one last brain cell must have been painful.' The swordsman snorted, "Akatsuki hired you two to help me deal with a certain man that escaped us once. That's all you need to know."

"And the disguise?" the second man inquired.

'That's the smarter one, huh? Not like it makes that much of a difference.' He glared at the second bandit, "Need to know basis, don't sweat it. If you must know, let's call it a fetish of mine."

Thinking they caught four-tailed jinchūriki and extracted its beast, Akatsuki believed they were finished with Yonbi. Thanks to their massive spy network, they were informed about Rōshi showing up alive last week in Iwagakure. What they extracted was just a clone made out of Four-Tails chakra - the old man played them and fled.

Ten minutes later, the shark-man entered the clearing, the same place he fought Four-Tails before.

Like three years ago, Rōshi was waiting for him. The jinchūriki had red hair, mustache, and beard. He was shown wearing a large headpiece consisting of a three-pointed crown-like ridge and a prominent black piece of armor running across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. Rōshi wore a long-sleeved magenta kimono shirt and pants, with a mesh-armor shirt.

"Kisame-san, I was waiting for you." The man greeted him as if he knew he was coming.

"You're not escaping this time, motherfucker."

"You think that picking up two bandits dressed like shinobi will help you catch me this time, Kisame-san? Even Ōnoki won't be fooled with those plastic forehead protectors."

"Nah. You're mistaken about these two. They're sacrificial lambs - just the means to an end."

The burly bandit stopped flexing his muscles and turned towards their employer, "Huh-?"

Humans without an ounce of chakra in their bodies didn't even see the strike. Kisame swung Samehada - the flat of the blade struck both bodies, instantly killing the bandits.

Rōshi's eyebrows rose in question.

"Useless little shits were barking up the wrong tree. What will Fence-sitter do after they find two dead Konoha shinobi look-alikes not that far from your favorite dwelling?"

"Hmm, so it's because Akatsuki is afraid of his visit to Konohagakure? Even if he knew that it was all a ruse, it would ruin everything that could be gained in the following days. He didn't believe me before - Akatsuki was hired by Ōnoki, he thought I was lying. But..."

"But? You're not the one to decide what happens next."

"You're lucky that you just roughed Doofus-kun up, Kisame-san, otherwise you would be dead already." Rōshi replied, pulling out a stick with a red button.

'Huh? Doofus-kun?' Kisame looked warily at the jinchūriki's hand.

"Smile."

A light flashed from the shrubs behind the red-haired man, "A camera?"

"Couple of years before I said it to you, Kisame-san. I'm not a swordsman, but a shinobi." Only then the shark-man noticed the glowing pair of sharingans in four-tailed host eyes.

"A Henge... Kaname?" Before his mind understood what was going on, Kaname, transformed into the red Yonbi jinchūriki, teleported away.

"Haha. That was unexpected. She forgot the camera. It would be problematic if the photo got public." He walked towards the location of the flash. Kisame quickly found a small black camera that must have taken the proof of Akatsuki's attack on one of the jinchūrikis. Turning the device in his hand, he turned it around. On the back of it, the shark-man noticed a drawing of a chibi Kaname blowing a raspberry back at him.

"Hahaha." Before he stopped laughing, the seal flared up in chakra, "-haha! She got me again!"

*KABOOM*!

-----

"So? What do you think, Rōshi-san?"

"Hmm, you're good at it, Kaname-chan. But how did you know I was in danger?"

"I have my own sources, but let's talk about it later. What do you two know about Otsutuki Clan?"