Chapter 4. Nightmares

'Geronimo's cadillac....'

'Moooom can you please change that song?' I wined when I heard what kind of radio station my mother chose to listen.

'Why? This is such a good one!'

'Maybe for you but for me it's not. It's so old. Did you really danced on this kind of music when you were young?'

'Yes of course, because of this music, I and you mother met.'

'Oh yes. What was the name of the song? Cherry lady?'

'That's the one. I still remember how you entered the room. It was like all the air disappeared when I saw you!'

'Oh stop it! You'll make me blush.

'Could you please stop!' I said to my parents who started to flirt just like teenagers. It was gross and cute in the same time. My mother changed the radio station and then put her hand on dad's shoulder. He, then, took one of his hands from the stirring wheel and put it on her leg. Not wanting to see them flirt anymore I started looking on the window. The trees were passing us and all I could see was a blur of green. Then, all of a sudden the car started serving right and left. I looked at my father who was trying to take again control of the car but it was too late and the inevitable happened.

'Sofia jump!' My mother screamed while our car started rolling downs the hill, and then I started to hear a loud sound. It was like I could hear a girl scream but I don't know who's....

I wake up with a scream. Another night but again I dreamt about the accident. Every night is the same. For the last 10 years I have the same dream every time that I go to sleep. I'm tired and sometimes I want not to wake up so that I can remain in that moment.

If at that time I always wanted to be left alone by my parents, now all that I wish for is that they would be here near me. I just want to be able to embrace and talk to them and to never let them leave me. But who am I to do that? Who am I in the face of fate? Nobody! I'm nobody. They are already dead and I can't make them come back. They are dead and I'm alive. I'm here.

Sometimes hurting, sometimes tired and other times wanting to be with them so bad that I start to imagine a world where they are alive or a dimension where I died with them in that accident. And then.... Then I remember that there are people who would've be sad without me here and so I put an end to my morbid desire.

'Sofia, are you alright?' I hear Yuuichi-san's voice coming from the creaked door. It seems that tonight I managed to wake up even him. Not wanting to make him worry I immediately answered him.

'I'm ok. I just had a little bad dream.'

'A little bad dream, or a nightmare?' He asked me while looking around the room as to see if there is something or someone inside. 'Did you stop taking your medicine?'

After doing a once over of the room he kept his eyes on me. I nodded as an answer not wanting for him to know that I lied and didn't, in fact, took the pills that the doctor told me to in a long time. It's just that every time I took them I felt as a part of my mental health was disappearing, bringing me closer on the brink of madness.

'You are not lying to me, are you?'

'No. Why would you think like that?'

'That I don't know.' He again looked around the room. He wanted to tell me something but there was a thing that stopped him. You would think that a guy such as him would always tell you what's on his mind, not caring if you are hurt by his words or not. But with me it was like he was at loss for words. Sometimes I liked how he treated me like a porcelain doll not wanting to hurt or break me but right now all I needed was for him to leave me alone.

As if sensing my mood or reading my mind he looked again at me then nodded his head before leaving me all alone as wanted. I plopped on the bed with a oomph. I don't know why but now I started to feel like I had wronged him, acting like a spoiled brat. Sometimes I reject his presence and help so hard and although I know that he doesn't deserve it, I can't control myself.

The clock beside the bed showed 6 AM. Not wanting to go back to sleep anymore, I went to the bathroom and then I changed myself with the appropriate clothes for the interview that I had in approximately 3 hours. When I reached down stairs I could already guess where I could find Yuuichi. He was in the kitchen preparing the breakfast. When he saw me he just nodded and told me a quite 'Good Morning!' If I wouldn't had paid attention I would not have not even heard him.

'Yuuichi-san I'm sorry about what happened this morning.' I said nor wanting to see him sad and brooding anymore.

'You don't have to be. It is your right not to tell me your secrets. I'm not agreeing on that but if there is something that you want to keep for you I can't keep you want to keep for yourself. I can't keep you from doing it. I just hope that you will tell me when you need my help or advice on something.' Was all he said while giving me a charming smile.

'Ok. Now eat those.' He said with the air of authority but also pleased with the answer that I gave him. 'Are you going to work today?'

'No. They didn't hire me. They said that I was not what they were looking for.'

'And what are they looking for?' Yuuichi asked looking at me with his eyebrows furrowed and a scroll making way on his face.

'I ... don't know. That is all they said to me, nothing more nothing less. Anyway today I have another job interview.'

'You'll get this one.'

'Who knows. Maybe I'll get it, maybe...'

'You will, believe me.'

'I hope that you are right and please don't do anything that will make me get this job.'

'Like what?'

'You know what I'm talking about. Last time you used your connection and made me get that job.' I told him while trying to look sternly at him. Yuuichi looked at me and the started to laugh. I don't know what was so funny but I kept my stern face on and even raised my eyebrow. He saw that and stopped laughing.

'So you found out huh?'

'Why do you think that I refused when they told me that I can start working right away?'

'Don't worry ningyō, I won't do anything. I know that you can obtain this one on your own. I believe in you.'

'Thank you Yuuichi-san. I promise that I'll ask for your help if, and only if, I don't get this one.'

'Whatever you want ningyō, now finish eating your pancakes. Do you want a ride to that interview?'

'No. I have time to go with the metro. But thank you for the offer.' I said while finishing my breakfast, and then I took my bag and left for the interview hoping that this time I will succeed.