1 TWLA 01

"Ray Ray!" Jeremy called out to his friend.

His mother had just told them that they needed to move. Angry and sad, he didn't know how to deal with it and ran out of the house. His mother chased him at first but stopped when she saw where he was going. With a quick call to her next door neighbor, she let her son deal with things his own way.

'Ray Ray', who had been waiting for Jeremy to come over anyway, ran out from the kitchen door. Jeremy all but tackled his friend and began crying out nonsense. It took a little time for him to calm down enough to explain But, as soon as he did, it was his turn to comfort his friend.

All of a sudden, Ray Ray whispered through snot and tears, "Do you want to run away with me? I don't want you to disappear and daddy's always talking about moving too."

Both parents, keen on their own projects and seeing that the two kids were content to cry and hug it out relaxed their vigilance at the wrong moment. Jeremy was fairly level headed for a little kid but his friend was a dreamer, at least in Jeremy's eyes. His tomboy friend was always going on about 'inside space' and slipping between places. Almost as if it was an instinct, Ray Ray's first response to everything unpleasant was to run away.

Oddly, Ray Ray's dad seemed to encourage it. The man said the world was a dangerous place and there were worse instincts than to flee until a person felt safe. Not that the man could stop his little trouble maker from slipping away for a little bit every now and then. Dreamer or not, Ray Ray was an expert escape artist.

For once, Jeremy didn't talk his friend out of running and was about to sneak back to his room to grab a few things when his friend stopped him. "We got everything we need in my inside space, okay?"

Head clearing of impulse a little, the boy looked at his friend and realized this was only a play pretend game. They wouldn't be able to get far and once they were done, it would be over. It would all be over. His mom would probably spank him and then cry, something that hurt him a lot worse. Then, they'd throw a few things into the old beater of a car and that would be that.

His chest felt heavy and like someone was pinching him hard but inside. If it was only play pretend, then they didn't need anything. If it couldn't be real, it could be fun, a memory to help ease the pinching feeling inside. He didn't mind playing pretend for one last time. If that's all he could have, he'd take it.

"I can't slip between this close to the house or daddy will know right away," Ray Ray said as they slowly shuffled their way to a hole in the back yard's fence made by Mr Gray and Ray Ray's runaway dog less than a month ago.

With a sad smile Jeremy replied, "Yeah, mom might see it too."

His tomboy friend's eyes widened. "Your mom can feel it when I slip between!?"

Thinking 'slip between' referred to acting suspicious and making a run for it, Jeremy nodded. "Mom told me that when girls become mommies, God gives them superpowers."

After they crawled through to the other side of the fence, his friend said, "Maybe it's a secret like mine. Maybe daddy doesn't know like no one knows about us?"

After running for two block, subconsciously heading towards a nearby park, they slowed down to catch their breath.

Deciding to play along and make their runaway session as much fun for Ray Ray as possible, he said, "Mom's work friend said that everybody has secrets."

"Do you have secrets, Jay Jay? I've told you all of mine, even though daddy told me not to," his friend said, sounding sad.

As they strolled to the park, he thought about it and broke the silence with, "You know how we can always find crumpled up dollars all over the house? My mom and her friend dance and that's how they get paid. I think... I think it's okay to dance for work but sometimes people call them bad names for it."

Smiling, he added, "My mom's bad at chores too. That's how I got so good at it. Since your dad's a neat person, maybe that's why you're messy!"

Defensively, Ray Ray said, "I'm not bad at chores! I just don't like doing them... Dancing for work sounds a lot more fun than making bad people go away. Daddy doesn't look happy for awhile when he gets home, sometimes for days."

Frowning, Jeremy realized his mom made lots of fake smiles but didn't 'real' smile very much most days either.

By the time they made it to the park, they both knew that their parents would be looking for them.

Ray Ray suddenly said, "I think we're far enough away for me to slip between now."

Thinking that his friend was going to make them start running again, he pulled out three crumpled dollars and said, "Do you want to get an ice cream first? We'll have to share but I think this is enough for one of the bigger ones."

Looking unsure, Ray Ray glanced over at the ice cream truck and said, "O-okay but we got to do it fast. Daddy is reaaaally fast and reaaally sneaky. If we take too long he'll get us."

Finally their turn in line, he ordered. After having more time to cool down, he started remembering all the things his mom said about their surrounding neighborhood. The park had police drive by every once and awhile. So, it was safe during the day. The same couldn't be said elsewhere.

While they waited, Jeremy said, "We can stay here. If we... slip between... too far away, we could get lost."

Ray Ray smiled big, revealing a missing tooth, and said, "It's okay. I can only slip to places and people I know. We'll go to Big Brother Theo. He's always sad too. Maybe he'll let us stay with him... He can slip too. He's a lot better at it than I am."

Jeremy didn't know that his friend had an older brother. But, it sounded safe and that was important. It would be getting dark soon and playing runaway at night was bad. He didn't want their last moments together to be bad.

Taking a few licks, he gave the rest of the 'big cone' to Ray Ray as the tomboy led him towards a covered area by the playground. He knew the spot. Secluded by trees and a shed, it was the one and only place at the park his mom told him not to go. It was still day and there were plenty of people nearby, however. More importantly, he didn't want to look bad in front of his friend. Their last play time together had to be perfect so Ray Ray would remember him.

As they rounded the corner, Jeremy saw the look of concentration on his friend's face and was about to ask if Ray Ray had to poop. But, that's when their mostly harmless adventure took a left turn into terrifying. Spooked by the two men exchanging money and a small bag, Jeremy turned to grab his friend and run back to the playground.

Equally startled, Ray Ray grabbed him back and then it felt like they were falling. He don't know how they got there but he and his friend were rolling down a set of steep steps between an apartment building and a busy road. Jeremy saw his friend stagger backwards into the street. Trying to stand up and get bearings despite small cuts and newly forming bruises, he went to help Ray Ray.

In a rush of slow motion induced adrenaline, he saw that the car, startled by their sudden appearance, wasn't going to stop in time. In an effort to try and pull Ray Ray back to the sidewalk, he ended up falling into the street with his friend instead. The sensation of falling as if the world was pulled out from underneath hit him again.

It was a bit different though. Something felt like it was tearing into him. There was a cold sensation below his knees and in his right arm. There was red everywhere. Ray Ray was screaming for a person named Theo to save him even as they screamed and cried in their own pain. Wrapped in too many sensations and feeling weaker by the moment, he was losing consciousness.

A somewhat cold and distant younger man's voice said, "Bad men tried to kidnap you. While you were running away from them, you were hit by a car."

Jeremy wasn't being informed. He was being told what to think. He could feel his mind bending to that will, believing what he was told. He knew it was the truth.

***

He woke up in a cold sweat, heart thumping. He'd had a lot of nightmares over the kidnapping incident that happened right before he moved. That and more besides. His life was filled with little bits of horror for his subconscious mind to latch onto. But, they had died down after he'd turned twelve.

It wasn't until the state provided psychologist started poking around in his head and asking all kinds of questions that they'd started coming back. He hated Mrs. Hurth. But, if he wanted to keep his emancipation on track, he had no choice but to deal with it.

The door creaked open to the room he shared with a couple of much younger kids. He must have cried out in his sleep because the youngest was crying too. Celeste, the woman who ran the foster home he was currently in, had came to check on things with bleary eyes. After a whispered apology, Jeremy left the room and the crying boy to the ex-nun while he went to the bathroom.

Once he'd washed his face and settled his jangled nerves, he went to the kitchen to get a glass of juice. It helped him feel stable and Celeste always made sure there was orange juice in the fridge. She believed the stuff was a panacea. He wasn't entirely convinced she was wrong.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Celeste asked.

Not particularly young or old, the woman was a lot of 'between' things. And though she was far from the beautiful but tragic woman his mother had been, there was an inner beauty about the lady that was hard to deny.

Grimacing, Jeremy sat down at the table. "Hurth keeps poking around at the same things over and over. She's not trying to help me, Sister. I- I think she might be trying to break me."

She reached over the table and squeezed his hand in sympathy. "I can only speak for what she's supposed to be doing. That's to make sure you're stable enough to live on your own. I have faith that you are. You worked hard to earn an early GED and your instructors at the community college have nothing but praise for you.

"Stay strong just a little longer and you'll be through it... Could some of this nightmare business be related to some anxiety over your emancipation hearing coming up? A little over three months is a long way away but its pretty close too. I believe you but it never hurts to cast some light on other possibilities instead of taking the easy road. Lumping everything on something you can face and fight against is more... simple."

He sighed. "I don't know, maybe."

"I worry you're pushing yourself harder than you have to. The head of the nursing course said she'll adopt you. I still think that's the better option. There's no need for you to try to go it alone," she said, pushing her own agenda.

She supported him because his reasons were sound but she didn't truly think he was ready to be on his own. In weaker moments, he thought she might be right but he wanted to lever every chance and opportunity he could.

He said, "Ms. Rayne wants me to quit my part-time at the grocery store and focus on school. Working tax free will get me a car a lot faster. Free school while an emancipated minor means less loans to pay back later. You know why I'm doing things this way.

"Whether it's the best thing for me or not, the world doesn't care. I have to, Sister. I have to take every little crumb this broken system will give me before I'm an adult in the eyes of the law. At least I can get some second hand support and sympathy right now. A missed opportunity means more loans or maybe even army service to finish school once I turn eighteen.

The ex-nun looked at him with a sad smile. "The world's not as dark as you think it is. Every dark place has some light in it somewhere. Sometimes it's just a little harder to find."

He wanted to retort how she had to leave her order because her cloister closed its doors. Forced between abandoning the children she watched over or her calling, she chose to leave the church. A woman of purer goodness and faith than any he'd met sold crafts online to cover the difference of what state provided and what she needed to care for her charges. An emotional face slap wouldn't do anything but make him feel worse, however.

Swallowing down a belly full of bile and anger, he faked a return smile and said, "I want to believe that. Thanks, Sister."

Sighing, she said to his retreating figure, "You've been with me awhile and I know it's not easy to change once you're used to something but... call me Celeste. I'm not a sister anymore."

Before he opened the door to the room he shared with two newer additions to the household, he said, "No one deserves to be given that respect more than you. Sorry, Celeste. I didn't do it to hurt your feelings."

He pretended he didn't see her pull a worn rosary from her pocket or the look of quiet anguish on her face as he slipped inside and silently closed the door.

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