11 Realising

After a while they ordered room service and ate while chatting freely with each other. When they finished they hung out with each other and chilled until Lucas got a phone call from his secretary and left.

Making sure he had left she checked the door and threw herself on the bed. She lay there listening to the clock ticking on the wall. It was as if something was trying to tell her that time was running out. Without any warning she burst out in tears not knowing the reason. She hated crying. It made her feel weak and useless but it really hurt. When she was little she would cry a lot but no one cared. When she was hurt it was brushed aside and swept under a rug. Her heart felt empty but heavy at the same time. The feeling of emptiness hurt as much as the weight and pressure she felt from her peers. At this point in time it felt like she was alone. As in there would be no one in this world to comfort her. No one in this world who cared. She never told anyone but these few days had been hard. Locking away her feelings she put on a smile and carried on. It had been hard that everyday she wanted to disappear. The feeling of being useless made her feel hatred for herself , for being so weak.

She gave out a self pitying chuckle. How pathetic did she look right now. What was the point of crying if no one could comfort her? Why couldn't it all just stop?

Once he had left she felt the silence enter the room and a rush of loneliness had overwhelmed her. All this time she had just been really lonely. She wanted someone to say they cared, even if it was a lie she didn't care. She wanted someone to hug her and tell her it was alright but her pride wouldn't allow it. Thoughts, opinions and beliefs who cared about how she felt? No one because in this world everyone is too busy to look at other people. It hurts you know she thought. "I wish it would just stop." she whispered and she cried herself to sleep.