8 8. My Colours of War

Eh... Could this day get even worse?

I don't know if he wants to know what still awaits me today when I already had such a troublesome morning...

... Okay, who I'm cheating, sure I want to know. After all, I'm too curious, and it'll be my undoing one day, but oh well... For me this is okay, I don't worry too much. After all, everyone is alive only once and I don't want to worry about somethings in advance.

As I finished my coffee, I reached for the scrap of paper on which Samael wrote the address of the cafe. Luckily I knew where it was and it was close. It was located just three bus stops and a short walk from where I lived.

After finishing my coffee, I thought for a while about lighting a cigarette, but I gave up on this and went to wash. First, I chose my clothes and then headed to the bathroom to wash off from oneself the stench of two days and leftover makeup.

I did the last right away without even looking in the mirror. Then I undressed and only then allowed myself to see my reflection.

What I saw was a gray complexion, like a sick person one, with scars and a few small wounds painfully imprinted on it, and my cherry red hair that sadly fell framing my figure. Eh, I don't remember the last time I washed them well. On top of that, my body felt a little thinner, sadder than it had been two weeks ago, though I still saw many kilos of excess weight and terrible fat surrounding it.

Because of work and Samael's strange behavior, I often forgot to eat. As I think about it now, the last time I had a decent meal was about three days ago, although I'm not this entirely sure.

I sighed heavily, I've been sighing a lot lately.

For the last time, I looked in the mirror, into my strangely tired and lifeless eyes, and then went to shower.

I quickly washed my body with my cherry-chocolate shower gel and started washing my hair. First, I washed them with one shampoo, then another, and at the end third shampoo with a conditioner. After rinsing off the last shampoo, I applied two special masks to my hair. Grasping the comb, I combed my long hair and for a moment I relished the hot water that ran down my body.

I loved the water, it always relaxed me. Once my body was getting used to its current temperature, I always adjusted it to make it warmer.

After about twenty minutes, I rinsed the mask off my hair and turned off the water. I wrapped my wet body in a fluffy towel and then I wiped the moisture off my body with it. Then I threw a second, smaller purple towel over my hair and started drying my hair.

When I finished wiping my body, I put the wet towels on the turned-off heaters and started getting dressed.

I had no desire or strength to somehow especially dress up today, so I dressed in plain black pants torn all the way in front of with only single strips of fabric holding them together as a whole, and a black pulled-out T-shirt that reached to mid-thigh.

Interestingly, most of my lower wardrobe consisted of a variety of torn pants, apart from them, I probably only had two pairs of whole pants, but I rarely wore them.

The clothes are ready, now the makeup.

Resigned, I reached for the foundation, which I spread a thin layer on my face, to apply the second on it a little thicker. I covered it all with powder, of course, I also treated the necks with the same method, just in case, so that it did not stand out with their colors.

Today I used a little more of everything to make makeup because my face looked extremely bad.

Yeah, I'm a man, and I wearing makeup. It might be weird for some, but I don't care much about the opinion of others, and surprisingly, I've never encountered any kind of rude or aggressive behavior around my appearance, so I guess it wasn't that bad.

As for the eyes, today I put on the red eyeshadow, which I used on the upper eyelid and slightly on the lower eyelid, and I completed everything with a burgundy eyeliner, which I lightly outline the shape of the eye, creating sharp lines on the outer corners of the eyes. I evened out the color and shape of the eyebrows with one brushstroke and put a colorless lipstick on the lips to moisturize them a little.

I'm ready.

I only had slightly damp hair left, but I decided to let it dry naturally in my own time. At most I'll go out with wet ones, sometimes it is like that. I didn't want to destroy them with the dryer that I never liked.

I shook my head and, with a small smile on my lips, took one last look at the mirror before leaving the bathroom.

It could always be better, but at least I didn't look so bad anymore.

I turned to leave the bathroom but stopped shortly before crossing the threshold.

Maybe that door is just only an ordinary door to another room, but I knew well that behind them are waiting for me confused thoughts and problems of my little world. And although I could not avoid them, it was a pity for me to leave the blissful non-thinking.

I let the air out of my mouth hard, as if I was freed from some burden, and left the bathroom.

Now, I'd like to just sit down and light some incense and meditate. Cut off everything, erase thoughts and feelings. Just be swallowed up by non-being.

Eh, I'm having a strange mental state again, kind of melancholic.

It happens to me sometimes. That I fall into different thoughts and feelings, although there is rarely any specific reason for it. I know it's not normal, but I stopped fighting it a long time ago because it was a pointless fight and after all, it's a part of me and creates me, so why should I fight it?

I yawned, had it not been for this meeting with Samael, I would have probably gone to sleep, but I declared I'll be there, so I must be.

With that in mind, I looked at my watch, I had half an hour until the meeting. This is a perfect time to leave the house.

I put on my military black boots and a leather jacket in which I put all the necessary things and left the apartment locking them with a key.

After a while, I was already at the bus stop. Not having what to do with myself, I put the headphones over my ears and played the music. As soon as I heard the first sounds of the song, I relaxed. The songs of the band Omnia always had a strangely soothing and calming effect on me.

After a few minutes the bus arrived, one of these older ones without air conditioning. Unfortunately, although usually, it was empty, now there was a crowd of people in it, so I could only dream of a free place to sit. Fortunately, my journey today was short, so after a few moments, I was free from this crowd and stuffiness.

Now, a moment more walk and I'll be at a place. And probably even on time, which is rare for me.

Well, it's not that I like to be late or that I do it on purpose. Time is just unnecessary for me, it exists in its own time, which flows with its own rhythm, and I live next to it. Next to the time, which others know.

I never liked to rush or be limited in time so I'm very often late everywhere. Although since I became homeless for a while, I was not late. Not because I was suddenly punctual, but because I didn't have any arrangements on time, so wherever I was and wanted to be, I was there on my own time, so it was amazing for me that I got to the cafe on time and I even had time to smoke a cigarette.