4 4. Panic

I stopped right in front of the desk and looked at Alpha with mock liberty and indifference.

In response to my behavior, he smiled. After a moment of silence, he spoke, his voice could knock anyone off their feet. Velvety, slightly purring, rough, and tempting. He could easily persuade a saint to do evil. Oh yes, his voice was wonderful. I could listen to it for hours, especially knowing that this purringly seductive note is for me and only for me.

- I'm Samael. The Alpha of the local pack and you sweet are my partner.

At the man's last words, I wanted to speak, a denial ripped from my lips, but seeing it, he simply raised his hand in a silent command of silence. I closed my mouth, which I had already slightly parted, and grimaced.

- Don't deny it, Gabriel - He almost purred my name in his low magnetic voice as he scanned my figure with lust in his eyes - Denial will do nothing, you are mine.

I could not be silent any longer, just a moment longer, and he would think that I would be his inertial property, which I cannot allow, I will not let him enslave myself.

- I'm not yours, I'm not your partner. And I don't give a damn what you said, you can't make me! - I growled the words uncontrollably and even raised my voice a little at the end.

I was expecting anger from the Samael side, but he just laughed. I looked at him surprised. And as I stood there a little baffled, in no time he was beside me, his hand cupped over my cheek. His touch was gentle but firm. His eyes were serious, which did not bode well for me, especially since I was starting to have bad thoughts because I was started feeling lust. It was a feeling that I hadn't felt in ages.

I bit my lip and my imagination chose to go against me and gave me a picture of where Samael presses me against the desk and starts kissing me brutally and yet softly with unimaginable passion.

I shook my head and gave myself a mental cheek to shake off my own stupidity.

Meanwhile, Samael bowed his head and sniffed me where the neck meets the shoulder, then muttered approvingly, probably sensing my treacherous scent of light desire. I swallowed my saliva, enought only took a few moments in his presence and I was already starting to lose myself and my freedom.

I don't want it! I don't want to!

Give me back to me, give me my freedom and my existence without much sense. Give me back my choices. Give me back!

I started to breathe faster, greedily gasping for air as if I was drowning. Could it be a panic attack? I have never had such attacks... I grabbed Samael by the shoulders, gasping for breath. Black spots started to appear in front of my eyes. As if in a fog I could hear his voice softly, speaking softly to me.

- Calmly. Take a breath my beautiful, breathe.

I tried to listen to Samael's words and calm down myself. In the end, slowly everything started to normalize. After a moment that seemed to take ages, I was breathing calmly and confidently, and my eyesight returned.

I was kneeling on the floor and holding Samael's shoulders, and he was looking at me with a worried look, one hand massaging my neck and the other holds my waist. I looked into his eyes and for a moment I was mesmerized. After a while I let go of him, feeling a little ashamed of the whole situation.

- I have to smoke - I muttered to myself, embarrassed by what had just happened.

I got up on trembling legs, and Samael steered me to an armchair, and after a while, I was sitting on it. I tucked my legs up and sat down in a meditative position with my back tilted back. I took out my cigarettes and a lighter. With gently trembling hands, I lit a cigarette and after just a while I inhaled the wonderful calming cigarette smoke. An ashtray appeared in front of me, I don't know where Samael got it from, maybe he also smokes. I shrugged my shoulders, it makes no sense to think about it now, I preferred to focus on putting my thoughts in order and coming up with something that would allow me to return to my former existence without the tempting Alpha wolf.

I took a deep breath a few times to regain peace and clarity of mind, which I finally succeeded after a few tries. Maybe not fully, but I was still satisfied with the result.

While I was regaining my composure, Samael in the meantime leaned against the desk in a nonchalant pose. In his eyes lurked with a concentration that contradicted his nonchalance.

I cleared my throat to say something, but as soon as I opened my mouth, I closed it immediately. I didn't know what to say. We sat there in silence for a good few minutes until the cigarette was completely smoked. Finally, Samael broke the silence.

- After your behavior, I conclude that you are thinking of departure, leaving me. I will not let you do this. I can be patient, I can wait until you get used to the new situation, with me, but I won't let you go. Never. This is not negotiable.

I sighed inwardly. I understood him in a weird twisted way, but at the same time, everything was turbulent within me. My sense of crisis meddled with a strange feeling of calmness. I knew that because of this man my whole life could change, and I even liked change, but I couldn't imagine it. It seemed to be beyond my comprehension.

It terrified me. This change, its consequences for me and of mine fucked up existence.

My head was empty, the more I tried to find a way out of this situation, or some compromise, the more powerlessness overwhelmed me. Helplessly, I shook my head.

- So what now? How do you imagine it?

In a dispassionate voice, I asked the man. Such a further seat in abeyance it is senseless. The problem won't go away by itself, I just have to decide something... I must do something. I can't still be in that suspension.