Troublemaker of Magical Girl's World

Randy is an ordinary High School student. One day he was given a gift by his father. The give was a watch looks like a talisman. After he wears it. He gained the power to see an invisible time that would be called 'Time Fracture'. During the Time Fracture, the Valkyries and Justiciar will fight for a key that hides in the monsters that appear at that time. They collect it to reach their own goal. In the midst of their fight. Randy had to get used to being a troublemaker or their mediator. Tell me how good or bad my writting in this novel. English is my second languange, I want to improve my skill in english by write this novel.