Chapter 38: guilt, deals, and invitations

Ken sat outside surrounded by ruins. The entire place, wherever he was, looked like one of the remains of a post-apocalyptic wasteland. The smell of blood and death filled the air. The moon shone red as if caked in blood and the air itself appeared dirty like it was being seen through some evil camera lens filter. He could see off in the distance human like shapes being attacked and ripped apart by giant centipedes and a small lake a short walk away from him.

Ken he slowly got up and began to walk towards the lake. As he walked, more of the centipedes seemed come out of the ruins and follow him. Yet none of them got to close. They kept a good distance from the half ghoul while he got closer to the pond. He began to hear voices that started out as whispers but slowly grew to shouts and screams. Many of the lines he heard were familiar.

"Please…,"

"Save me,"

"Monster,"

"Die,"

"Kill them all,"

"I don't want to die,"

"Forgive me,"

"Why,"

These were things he had heard many times over during his life in many different ways. Perhaps every ghoul heard these things. Maybe it was just their fate. He finally reached the lake and looked at his own reflection in it. But the reflection didn't show him as he was now. It instead showed another version of him. Its hair was solid white and the look in its eyes was one that he had thankfully lost a while ago. The look was one of anger and sadism that wanted nothing more than to watch the world burn.

Ken locked eyes with the reflection and it grinned back at him before he was pushed into the water from behind. While he sunk, Ken saw that the two who had pushed him were the two humans from the restaurant; both with their bodies damaged from the scrapper show. He found himself sinking in the now deep, deep lake.

He saw around him, people he had killed in his life. But these weren't all of them. These were specifically, the ones that he had truly murdered in cold blood. Innocents who he had slain for a variety of reasons. Anger. Hunger. Relations to the CCG. People who had discovered his or his sisters' ghoul nature. But regardless of the reasons, the fact had remained that he had killed these good, or at least benign people. He watched the scenes over and over again.

"Do you understand how prey feels now?"

He heard his other self laugh. He saw it in the distance. It grinned at him over its shoulder; surrounded by the masked, smiling ghouls from the restaurant. It had his mask across its neck and not covering his face. "That's right Ken. You're no different than they are. Just another murderous ghoul. Tell me..." It was suddenly in front of him, its one eye now black and red. "How does that make you feel?"

"Guilty."

Ken woke up; now in the upstairs of Anteiku. This did make him feel a bit calmer since it must have meant that his sisters and he were, at least right now, out of danger. But still, he felt on edge. The dream in particular had rattled him. Bringing back old feelings of guilt and self-hate. And thoughts on his actions and how perhaps the humans were right and he was nothing more than a monster that deserved to be destroyed. He most certainly did have the blood on his hands.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by the feeling of something pulling his hair and the strange call of "Loser." He reached up and grabbed whatever was on top of his head. He was surprised that it turned out to be a bird. "Why are you here?" he asked it but only reply he got was another, "Loser." The door opened up and he was greeted by someone disguised but her scent was easily recognizable.

"Hey Hinami. Is this thing yours?" he said as he motioned to the bird still calling him a loser. "Yeah, I found him injured at big sister's place. The manager is helping us look for his owner but for now I'm going to take care of him," Hinami answered. Ken smiled at her and asked, "Sounds like a big responsibility do you think you're up for it?" Hinami shook her head and even showed Ken the book on taking care of birds that Yomo had given her. Deciding that there wasn't a problem with it then, he gave her back the bird and asked her, "Do you know where Kuro and Shiro are?" However before she could answer the door opened up and four others entered the room.

"Big brother!" was the first thing he heard. Both of his sisters rushed over to him and hugged him. They both sniffled and begged for his forgiveness. Ken couldn't help but smile at them. He rubbed both of their heads and told them, "Its ok. We got away, safe and mostly fine. It's ok. It's ok." But then he gripped their heads painfully and brought their eyes to his. "But next time, when I tell you not to do something or go near someone, listen to me. Understand?" Kuro answered, "Loud and clear big bro." He finally let go of them and looked over to the other two, Yomo and the manager, who had come in also.

Yoshimura smiled kindly at him. "How do you feel Ken?" he asked. Honestly Ken still felt sick and sore but he didn't want to worry his family and friends so he smiled at them. "I'm fine, sir." Unfortunately at that point his stomach decided to force him to throw up; only having enough time to grab the small garbage can next to couch to not cover the floor in his last meal. While the young ones panicked, including Kuro screaming, "Big bro is dying,", the two older ghouls just looked at each other in mild amusement before Yoshimura got a notepad and wrote something down on it. He handed it to Shiro. "Here go to the address on this note and hand it to the man there. He's a ghoul apothecary and an old ally of mine. He should be able to whip up something that will make your brother feel better quickly." Shiro nodded her understanding and bolted out the front door to the address. Kuro decided to stay and nurse their older brother but she still had to work. Ken was actually surprised to find out that it was the next day.

Kuro soon left with Hinami back to the shop but Yoshimura and Yomo stayed a bit longer. Yoshimura could tell that something more was bothering his employee. Having seen that look before, he had a feeling what it was. He put his hand on Ken's shoulder and told him, "Don't let it bother you too much Ken. You are a good person." Ken smiled back but found himself somewhat doubting that. Instead he kept thinking about the question. What does it really mean to be a good person? Especially to a ghoul.

Downstairs, things were a bit happier. Kuro, though still feeling bad about what they had done against their brother's orders to stay away from Tsukiyama, was for the most part feeling better. They had escaped and after Ken got his medication they would all be fine and never have to deal that crazy gourmet again. Plus seeing Touka freak out over the bird was also a nice change of pace that lifted her spirits too. She never would have pegged birds as being the Ukaku's weakness.

During a lull in their workload Touka called her over to the entrance saying someone wanted to see her. Kuro couldn't help but feel a bit nervous at this. She didn't think he'd be stupid enough to show up here after the stunt he just pulled but she still felt herself a bit worried about it being Shuu. Thankfully when she got to front door, her visitor was actually Nishiki's girlfriend. But she didn't relax much when she saw how distressed the human looked. "Kimi?! What's wrong?!" she worriedly asked. The girl nearly broke down right there. Only able to say a quiet, "Nishiki-kun."

Worried about what the others at Anteiku would do if they found out that she knew, Kuro quickly pulled the older woman outside where they could talk with a bit more privacy. Outside, Kimi practically begged Kuro to help her. "His wound isn't closing up and now he can't even drink coffee? I don't what to do. Is there anything to help him? Anything he could eat?" she asked in tears. Kuro thought about her options. She could either help him or abandon him.

On one hand abandoning the jerk would be easy. He really hadn't done anything to endure him to the Kuro either. Personally, the girl felt he it was a bit of karmic justice what had happened to him. But she couldn't ignore the feelings of disgust at herself for thinking of abandoning a person in their weakest moment. Plus it hurt her to see Kimi so upset about this.

So the other option was to help. Perhaps they could smooth over things with Nishiki and it wouldn't be too difficult. Just needs some meat that she could easily scrounge up from somewhere. Besides part of her wanted to protect what Kimi and Nishiki had become. Somehow it felt like some sort of guidepost for the future of ghoul and human relations. Something that was needed.

Kuro took a deep breath and told Kimi, "I'll talk to the manager for you. I'm sure I could bluff some reason I need more meat. Meet me here tomorrow and I'll slip it to you. But be careful. I don't think it's a good idea to tell the others about you yet. Especially big bro or Touka." Kimi teared up even more before hugging Kuro. "Thank you. Thank you so much," she said to Kuro's embarrassment. "Don't think I'm just being nice. I'm only giving you a chance. I want to see if you can really do it. A human and a ghoul." Kuro rushed back into the shop before Kimi could really understand what she said.

It was less than a half hour later when Kimi was attacked by someone with a familiar mask.

Later that night, Kuro was tucking her brother in while he took another nap. Shiro was not yet back from the apothecary. She had called saying the medicine would take a bit longer to make. So Kuro was forced to sit by and watch her brother vomit his insides up and try to get some uncomfortable moments of sleep. It hurt her to see him like this and even more with the fact that it was all their fault. "Sorry big brother," she whispered while she brushed the bangs out of his face.

She went back downstairs and began to clean up the café. But as she was working there came a knock to the back door. Curious, thinking that perhaps it was Kimi, Kuro went back to it and opened the door only to find a note with a rose. She already didn't like this. Picking up the note she read it and had her suspicions confirmed. It was a note by Tsukiyama inviting Ken and Kuro a dinner with a Kimi as his hostage. Kuro crushed the note in her hand. She had enough of this narcissistic pervert. She wanted nothing more than to beat him till he promised to leave them alone. Then beat him some more.

Still her thoughts were interrupted by another knock now on the front door. Kuro rushed for it; half hoping that it would be the offending man now. But instead she came across Nishiki who was unable to stand. She didn't have time for this. "What the hell are you here for asshole?" she confronted the one who had hurt her family. But he didn't really react to her and just wheezed out, "Kimi… came here… didn't she?"

Kuro just handed him the note and watched while he vented at what was inside. She started to walk around him but he grabbed her by the hand. "Wait!" he ordered. "Why should I?" she shot back. He took a minute to compose himself before telling her, "I'm… coming too." Kuro could barely control herself and stopped just short of kicking the wounded ghoul away. "You can't be serious. I mean look at you. Even a rank three investigator could take you down right now. No way you would stand even a chance with Tsukiyama. Look, just go lay down in the back of Anteiku and let me take care of everything." But he didn't let go. "You really think I could just go sleep?! At a time like this?! I can't just leave Kimi in the hands of that maniac. Besides, I can't just rely on you either." Kuro for a second time felt like knocking the ghoul unconscious but his plea wore her down enough for her to finally relent and take him with her. They soon left. Neither of them noticing the pair of eyes that spotted them as they left.

Soon they arrived at the location. It was a small Christian church that Kuro didn't even know had existed here. Looked old too. Perhaps even a century or two old. From inside they could hear the sounds of Beethoven being played. At least Kuro thought that was what it was. She didn't really know any other famous piano composers. But somehow that music helped create the mood of darkness and despair that filtered the place. Kuro walked up to the front door and pushed it open.

Omake: Ghoul apothecary – Ghouls do sometimes need medicine but normal human kind can only at best, work as a placebo, and at worst can be just as bad as human food. For ghouls specialized medicine has to be made that mixes into their coffee or meat in order to be digested with it. Much of it is based off of traditional medicines and designed more like food spices and bastes then medicine. Though due to how difficult it is too make, and the fact that ghouls rarely need it, there are very few apothecaries and their services can be extremely expensive. Of course these drugs can be used for other things too. Such as supplements, enhancers, poisons, or designer drugs for ghouls.

Omake 2: Shiro didn't know what to do now. She found it when she went to get her school slippers. In her shoe box was a letter. There was no name and it was rather simple but it did ask her to go to the back of the school after classes. Was this really the infamous love letter she heard about in books and shoujo manga?

Shire quickly hid it in her bag before Kuro spotted it. She found herself completely unable to focus in class. She could only think about the letter. Who sent it? Why her? How should she turn him down? Was it even possible for her to find love with a normal human? WHY WAS THIS ALL SO CONFUSING?

Eventually the final bell rang and she snuck out of the room while Kuro went to the restroom. She waited; nearly in a complete panic. Finally the boy showed up, only to tell her that he had mistakenly put the letter in the wrong box and apologized to her. She fell on her knees and covered her red face. She was so embarrassed. At least Kuro didn't see this.

She then heard rustling in the bushes behind her and saw her sister. She nearly screamed right there. Her sister looked at her before grinning at her awkward misfortune; setting the embarrassed half ghoul off. Their fight was only stopped when several humans were alerted by the sounds of the no holds bar fight and rushed over to find out what it was. In the end they both got in trouble with their brother who lectured them on avoiding attention and also how much new uniforms was going to cost them; coming out of the twin's paychecks. This truly was a terrible day for the young girl and her poor heart.