11 Oh Bai Yu, do not lose to fate
"Miss, that jade tassel…"
"Bring me the prepared emerald grass."
"Right here, miss."
"Did you wash it with saline water?"
"Yes, miss."
"Very good."
The beautiful face showed concentration as she dropped a handful of emerald grass into the pot. No matter how hot the congee pot in front of her was, Bai Yu did not turn her face away from the vapor. That was because she was trying to evade her maid's question about the black jade.
"Miss, that jade from last night…"
"Bring me some salt."
"What will miss use it for?"
"I'm adding it to the congee, of course."
Though Xiao Xi was confused, she still obediently followed the order. She knew that her miss was trying to dodge the question about the jade tassel by waking up early to make congee for handing out to the villagers who lived near the temple. Normally, her arrogant miss would never do something like this by herself.
Because Bai Yu did not want to answer any questions, she tried to make herself constantly busy. In truth, she could just stand by and order the servants to do these things. In this world, the congee that was distributed to the villagers was made by boiling rice with water and stewed until it became congee without using any seasoning. Bai Yu accidentally saw a plant that resembled a pandan growing along the stream. At first, she was unsure whether it was the same pandan that she knew or not. After asking Xiao Xi, she was told that the people of Da Yang called it emerald grass and no one had used it in food before. Thus, in her cooking, Bai Yu added the emerald grass for fragrance and some salt for taste into the congee that was to be handed out.
Following the unscripted event last night, the villagers in the area of the temple came at dawn to ask for help. Because many people in the village fell ill, they did not have enough labor to work like before. After hearing that, Bai Yu then had the servants at the temple bring utensils and ingredients to the village. They would cook congee and hand it out starting from dawn to almost noon.
On top of receiving a helping hand was aromatic and delicious congee, which made the villagers rejoiced. Bai Yu generously told them the congee's simple recipe, leading to her being praised further.
At the same time, Bai Hua, who was wearing a maid uniform, also accompanied Bai Yu as one of her followers. Though she was surprised by the familiar recipe, her position made her unable to say anything. She could only continue to scoop congee from the pot and distribute it to villagers with a pretty smile to raise their spirits.
No matter how beautiful the heroine was, her reputation had to lose to Bai Yu this time. She had Xiao Xi as her own megaphone to spread the word that the first miss of the Bai family was both magnanimous and down-to-earth.
Bai Yu herself did not have any ulterior motive at all. She merely thought that she wanted to make merit because she came to visit the temple. It was her personal maid that was too good at her job.
"Miss…"
"Stop!"
"Miss…"
"I said stop."
"I just wanted to ask, can I go relieve myself?"
Bai Yu internally regained her composure from embarrassment before waving to give her permission. Was she too paranoid that Xiao Xi would pester her?
"Haah…"
She sighed while taking the jade in question out of her sleeve pocket to inspect again. No matter how much she tried, Bai Yu could not find the answer to Rui Wang's identity. Last night she was so busy thinking that she could not sleep. Coincidentally, the villagers came to ask for help at dawn, so Bai Yu brought her servants to distribute the food. She thought that she would take a nap after returning, but Xiao Xi made her thoughts circle back to the problem of this jade's owner again.
After some time of thinking, she came to the conclusion that…it did not matter who that man was, because she would surely not meet him again! What kind of man treated a beauty that way? She lost control over her emotions again and again because of his provoking.
"How can I keep calm like this?" She murmured to herself. The slender figure in dark blue dress stood up and left her room, heading to the praying area within the temple.
Bai Yu came here because she wanted to calm herself down. She had to go through too many things after being in this body, and when coupled with the circumstances in her former life, they all made her feel purposeless. Her dreams during those nights had told her to come here. She thought that the time when there were no maids following her like this was the most ideal opportunity to find the answer for herself.
The area within the temple was tranquil. It was clear that workers from the Bai family were thorough in maintaining it. As Bai Yu walked, she was greeted by bows from everyone in the area. She saw Bai Hua and her two maids sweeping the leaves in the courtyard. Even after all her clothes were taken away, Bai Hua's beauty still stood out amongst other women wearing the same maid uniform.
Bai Yu walked past the three who curtsied to her, not sparing a glance.
If she knew manners, then there would be no need to lecture her half-sister.
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"Seems like you are being lost."
A voice of a woman sounded behind her as Bai Yu was heading back to her room after finding that praying did not make her any calmer.
She frowned, unsure whether the woman was talking to her or not. She changed her expression to a slight smile in order to be mannerly before turning back to the other person whose magic aura was exceedingly strong.
Obviously, it was magic of some higher level than hers, enabling the user to approach Bai Yu without her noticing at all.
"Benxiaojie* knows this path very well. Guniang* must be mistaken." She replied with her characteristic arrogance and intentionally addressing herself with an honorific.
"You are not lost in the temple…" The mysterious woman in pure white stepped closer. Bai Yu could not see her face because of the Chinese wide-brimmed hat with a long, thin veil connected to hide the wearer's appearance. "…You are lost within your own heart."
"What does guniang mean?"
"I am the reason you came to this temple."
Her heart beat faster at her words. Bai Yu had never told anyone of her dream. There was no possible way for this woman to know what had led her here.
The villainess examined the stranger for a mere moment before faking a surprised reaction. She intended to push the boat along the current* "So it was you!"
The woman did not answer. She moved closer until Bai Yu could see long silver hair brushing against her ankle. It sparkled prettily under the sunlight. "It was not with those dreams that I led you here."
"You mean…" She knitted her brows. It seemed that this woman really did know something.
"Even your soul was also brought here by me, Yoknapha!"
Her dark eyes widened. This time, she was truly stunned. Who was this person?
In the area that Bai Yu stood, there were only her and this guniang. The surrounding seemed to be cut off by a strange white mist.
The mysterious woman whose face was concealed had strange, shimmering silver hair…there was no description of such a unique person in the series. Throughout Da Yang, no one had silver hair as well. When Bai Yu carefully examine the person who knew her old name, she then noticed that there was a faint gleam of silver light surrounding the woman.
"Just who exactly are you?"
She hoped fate would not play a joke and made her meet a goddess in the fairy tale.
"I am the one you had blamed in all of your many lives."
What did that mean…
"It means that no matter what question you have, I will be the one to answer it."
If she was the one Bai Yu had blamed, then that person could only be the goddess of fate. Was this woman truly a deity?
"It is as you think." The goddess of fate calmly listened to the thoughts of the woman who she brought across the world. She did not interrupt as she let Bai Yu tried to make sense of suddenly facing a goddess, a situation above ordinary human's comprehension.
"Where…is this?" Not long after Bai Yu finally suppressed her shock, she asked the question that she had been wanting to know all along.
She believed that this woman who had a high-level magic aura could answer her because up until her death she had blamed and complained the goddess of fate so much. Even though this was so unbelievable, she was largely certain that this guniang was the goddess.
The fact that her soul could be crossed into this world must mean that a goddess of fate did, in fact, exist.
"This world is your first life, after your first incarnation as a human," the goddess in the form of a mortal explained to her. "When your soul was born into this life, your every action created karma that would intertwine and create a ripple effect to your many lives after. You have to go through endless cycles of rebirth, eternally repaying for all karmas you have committed. It is the same as how you have died in this world as 'Bai Yu' and continued to reincarnate in other lives until you finally became 'Yoknapha'"
Bai Yu nodded as she understood the story she was told. This must mean that she did not transmigrate into a TV series like she initially thought but instead came back to the first incarnation of her soul.
"Then, why did my first life became the series I have starred in?"
"It was I who planted the idea in the mind of the people in that life. It was to prepare you before bringing you here."
That was too unbelievable!
This goddess let her know about her first incarnation through the series so that she could come here and know the future. Did that mean the goddess of fate intended for her to return while knowing how she would die? Would she have to die like in the series this time?
"Everything would continue the same way if you wish so."
No way. She would never die because of her devotion to Ouyang Mingxian. Never.
"Do not be afraid, child. You have yet another path to take." The goddess of fate gently soothed her. "And this is the reason why I bring you back to this life."
"Wha…what do you mean?"
"Oh child…Now, you are the new Bai Yu. By coming here, you have the ability to choose to repeat the same story you had played or paved your new destiny of your own."
Change your own destiny?
"Then why do I have to do that? You want me to change the destiny that has happened and already ended. For what?"
The goddess of fate went still. She dropped her silvery eyes behind the veil.
"Your old destiny made a god unable to complete his duty and return to heaven."
She hindered a god's mission?
"Your destiny in this life is the same as what you know. The former Bai Yu committed sins, pursued the wrong red string of fate. And insisted on cutting off another's string, She had also created karma to many, causing them great pain…"
Those problems must be the fact that Bai Yu only loved Ouyang Mingxian and tried to sabotage his relationship with Bai Hua, right?
"…But in the end, you were not successful and decided to surrender to your fate, ending your life before finding your own red string."
That must be about Bai Yu who could not stand how Ouyang Mingxian remained true to his love for Bai Hua alone, so she committed suicide while being Empress.
"…In your next lives, those people came back to take back what you had taken from them. Because of your actions in your first life, you have to endure the pain of love in every subsequent life, surrendering to fate again and again. every time, you ended your own life before meeting the person at the other end of your red string…"
This must be what Li Wenrou and Song Lianhua did to her and made her commit suicide?
"…This cycle would continue for many lives. Whether you were born as human or animal, your fate was to eternally create karma with them. Every life, you would lose to fate and take your own life, again and again."
T…This kind of thing…
The listener stood, stock-still. Her hands balled into fists. Tears continued to pour from her dazed eyes. Bai Yu did not have a word to describe her feeling for what was revealed to her. She was affected by a much bigger problem than she had thought.
This…was it really true?
"A god incarnated into this world to guide you and your fated person. But having to continuously repay for your karma in numerous lives like this made you unable to fulfill your true destiny. As a result, the god that was sent to help you cannot return to heaven for hundreds of years now."
A god that came to lead her to her fated person?
"Currently, the situation within heaven was not desirable. I, who was tasked to oversee your fates, cannot stand by and let heaven be deprived of its 'god of war'. I brought you back to this life, the beginning of everything so that you can start anew and pave the better path where there was no foul karma and where you can find your own red string of fate."
No!
"Ugh…" Bai Yu slumped down. Her two hands pressed over the left side of her chest, sensing the heart that was in pain. The more she thought about what she heard, the more her heart hurt. Something within was yelling to her 'No!'.
What 'god of war'? She did not understand. If she had to change the fate to avoid hurting others, then would that mean she had to stop loving Ouyang Mingxian?
Her answer was no. She would never let go of Ouyang Mingxian! He had been hers all along. All her life she was expected to be his wife. Even if that was not the correct red string of fate, but her whole life was spent waiting for him. How could she stop now?!
"Why…am…I…in pain…ugh…I can't…huff…stop…this…feeling…" Five fingers dig into where her heart was, wrinkling the fabric.
"It is the feeling of you in that body. Though your soul was another, heart and soul still cannot be completely separate…because all of this is the same you."
"…I…was born to be his wife…huff…"
Her tears continued to flow. Even when her brain did not think twice about losing said position, her heart made her unstoppably cried. Bai Yu could not understand why she was so hurt. Her new self did not have any feeling for Ouyang Mingxian, but when she heard that she should not be close to him, the feeling from the original body made her heart ached.
"Deep in your heart, you still love Ouyang Mingxian and wish to be his consort…"
"…N…No…I don't want…"
The new Bai Yu did not want to return to that cycle of karma with those people anymore.
"If so, find your red string, then."
Within her heart, there was another name that appeared when the goddess mentioned her 'red string of fate'. Even if it hurt like she would die, she still hoped…
"Ugh…Is…is it Wenrou…?" She sobbed. Her face stained with tears made her seem like she could break down at any moment.
Bai Yu might feel sad that her fated person was not Ouyang Migxian, but at the same time, she also held a meager wish that it would be Li Wenrou. Feelings of the old and new Bai Yu further became muddled. Her eyes were red because of her weeping.
"…I…ugh…What do I do?... What do I do...?"
She beat her chest with her own fist as if trying to dissipate the confusion within herself with the impact. Bai Yu kept hitting without thinking how it might bruise her skin. The beautiful face full of tears was a pitiful sight.
The old Bai Yu loved Ouyang Mingxian with all her heart…
The new Bai Yu loved Li Wenrou until her last breath…
Then, what should she do next…
"Oh Bai Yu, do not lose to fate."
The clear voice was kinder and softer than when she met at first. The figure in the dark blue dress lifted her face to the disguised goddess in front of her. Her words, 'do not lose to fate' strangely calmed her heart. The cacophony within her slowly ceased.
"There are three more people who have been waiting to meet you after so many lives. All that you need to do is to not surrender to your fate." Her hopeful words and smile behind the wide hat were like cold water to her heated heart.
Bai Yu wiped her tears with both of her hands, yet still could not stop crying. She tried to suppress sadness and hesitation.
"I want to know one thing. Can you please help me…?"
"What do you want to know?"
She squeezed her hand, being both fearful and hopeful.
"After I died as Yoknapha…" The villainess took a deep breath. "…How were those people?"
The new Bai Yu could somewhat handle her feelings toward Ouyang Mingxian, but she still both loved and resented Li Wenrou. If Li Wenrou was the same person as Ouyang Wenrou, she wanted to know his end in that life so that she could make up her mind.
After her mother died of heartbreak because of her father's unfaithfulness, her father left her to grow up with his money. She continued to live a solitary life, even though she had her grandmother who cared about her, she still felt lonely when they had to be apart until she met Li Wenrou…
He was the light of her life. No matter how much she resented him, she could not easily cut herself from the person who had been her love and her life for so long.
"I will let you see if it can help you make your decision."
Bai Yu smiled slightly and bowed her head to show gratitude.
"Now, child, close your eyes…"
Bai Yu closed her eyes with her hands in her lap. She was bracing herself to face the truth…
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The image showed the world-renowned villainess lying on the carpet stained with red. On her body was a wound on her left wrist, while in her right hand was tightly holding a mobile phone. Her eyes were closed. She looked like a goddess sleeping soundly in the pool of blood.
At the same time, a pink-skinned infant was held in the arms of the angelic actor of China. On his face was a warm smile, similar to his mother's smile. The mother was gazing at the son with a pale face.
"I'll name our child Mingxian…"
"Mingxian, meaning the god of light?" Song Lianhua said with a smile. Though her happiness was not long as her breath was becoming harder. Her eyes widened as she struggled to breathe. Her hand reached out to her son in her lover's arms, but it was too late…
"Song Lianhua or Bai Hua died at the same time as you did. The karma between you and her was repaid in that life." The goddess of fate said as they watched Li Wenrou's sorrow amidst the sound of crying from Li Mingxian who was still an innocent newborn.
Shortly after, Li Wenrou was notified of Yoknapha's suicide. He asked his manager to take care of the matter of his child and Song Lianhua. He rushed to the emergency room to see her, but in the end, received the answer from the doctor that Yoknapha had died from losing too much blood.
He fully blamed himself for it. After he hanged up from Yoknapha's call, Li Wenrou called her manager to go take care of her, but it was too late…
The news of the death of the international villainess, the girlfriend of nine years to China's Mr. Angelic, rocked the entertainment world. Still, it was not as scandalous as the news that Yoknapha killed herself after knowing that Li Wenrou and Song Lianhua cheated behind her back for over three years and even had a child together. The child that was born the same day Yoknapha died.
Society pitied Yoknapha, the villainess who worshipped love above all else.
Society cursed Song Lianhua, the heroine who betrayed the dead.
Society condemned Li Wenrou, the traitorous 'angel' who still lived.
As time passed…
Society slowly forgot their tragic story, while Li Mingxian grew up, raised by Li Wenrou who was swallowed by grief and guilt for the two women who died on the same day.
Fate would spin this story in a cycle that would continue for many more lives…
She hurt them. They hurt her. These things all started from what happened in the life that was similar to that series. But now Bai Yu realized that it was not a normal TV series, but it was her fate in her first incarnation. This was what would dictate if her and their suffering had to continue in every life not…
When she was in this body, she loved him even more. When she saw the truth in that former life, she resented him even more. When she reviewed all that had happened and turned back to ask herself…
Bai Yu could not stop loving Ouyang Mingxian! At the same time, Bai Yu also both love and hate Ouyang Wenrou so much!
Above all…Bai Yu hated Bai Hua more than anything!
Now that she could not get away from these feelings, now that this fate of hers involved even the state of heaven…
In this new life…what should she do?
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*Benxiaojie: A first-person honorific used by a lady from a noble family. It means "Me, who is a young lady"
*Guniang: A pronoun used to address a woman
* Push the boat along the current: Go with the flow
