EldridSmith
Feel free to leave feedback in the comments of this review, it would be much appreciated. Pardon my shamelessness, but I thought I'd take the time to tell you I'm new and since I'm in highschool things are hectic, so I will try to update whenever I can. Please be patient with me and thank you for taking the time to read this.
*Remember, this review is based on the first 5 chapters* Constructive Criticism: try to warn your readers before a delayed release if possible.;,;. Positive Feedback: You did well in every aria that is graded by reviews.;,;. Personal Feedback: You had good writing, and a well thought out plot, but I'm sorry, this novel is just not my cup of tea.;,;. Keep up the good work.;,;.
I really like your story but you need one thing. Dialogue. Example ( My own) : "interestingly the man you are changes equation" Add said, or replied ,words that make a dialogue. "interestingly the man you are changes equation" Ezueil said. An annoyed expression blanketing his face. "Indeed it does" Malim replied, indifference evident in his tone. This makes it interesting Love it anyway and keep on going
I really enjoy the characters in this story especially Dave. I think Eldrid is pretty OP already but with this prophecy thing I guess he will get stronger. The references to real life things is also a great touch. I like the part where the author referred to Zarya from Overwatch when describing Sasha. This novel is great and I would recommend this to my friends.
Writing Quality is great, smooth sentences, greatly describes situations, but some words may have been misused. Benefactor- according to uncle Google, a Benefactor are those who give money or other things to help those in need... I don't see how, Adrian was it?, Adrian needs any help, after all he has a family and a normal life on earth. Stability Updates is good, no complaints there. Story Developmwnt is fast-paced, things like cultivation, universes, cosmo, spirits and such were explained in Ch1.. A bit too fast paced, you should have explained those when the situation is where they do the actual things. Character Design is good, the protagonist are calm even though they got sent to an unknown place. Ah no, actually they were TOO calm, being sent to an unknown palce with magics and such, not knowing if they are going to get killed, they should have at least panicked or at least showed fear...It's okay to have a calm personality, but being too calm makes them look like they don't care what happens to them. World Background is great, transported to another world with magic and cultivation, but still part of the Universe. I envy authors like you who makes unique concepts, I hope your Novel gets the Spotlight soon. Keep up the Good work.
The world building and writing quality is what I like about the novel so far. It is detailed and quite easy to get into. I can say that the novel has started off strong, a bit too strong... The build-up was a bit too fast in my opinion and Eldrid and his friend believe that the there is cultivation and the guy in front of them is the Realm Lord too fast. We also don't know what kind of a character Eldrid is yet. It is too early to completely judge the novel.
I still say that mc and his friend accepted their transmigration little too easily exposition should be done moderately sometimes it just crosses the line a little now for good things very nice descriptions the author is trying to create a picturesque feel to the novel and is mostly succeeding mc friendship feels real, It is one moot point in which this novel hit it out of the park for me. the power system is well explained and so is world-building done nicely and the author isn't spoon feeding which is a very good thing. It's a surprisingly good novel and I wish it all the best
Note: I give 5 stars regardless of what I write below. I wrote this review as of 7 chapters. Writing Quality 3.5/5. This is the main area the novel suffers, though its still relatively easy to read. There are a lot of run-on sentences. Some poor sentence structuring. A lot of comma misuse. Still, I wouldn't let that turn you away from this novel, because it's a quick read that's easy to follow. Updates: Dunno. New reader. Story Development 4.5/5: We've got some interesting developments happening very quickly. It kept my interest, which is relatively rare for most novels these days. Minus half a point for unnecessary overuse of time-skips. Character Design 4/5: What's the difference between Adrian and Eldrid except that one is lucky/athletic and one is fat? Their personalities and emotions need to be fleshed out more. They don't express themselves when things happen. No frowning, questioning, sarcasm, trembling/fear, etc. Despite that, I like both characters. But some potential is being wasted here. World Background 5/5: I know what's happening. Things only get more interesting as you go with the introduction of Adrian's master. Final thoughts: You're doing a good job. Your ideas and story pacing are both excellent. Work on grammar, sentence structure, and character emotions. Then your novel will soar in quality. I gave you some example comments in the first three chapters. I hope they help.
Okay, so I'll start with the bad things first. 1- Why did both of them accept the fact that they were teleported into an unknown world with magic so easily? It made no sense to me. 2- Chapter 7 could be written much better with the interactions and the reveal that he can cultivate fast. Now the good things. 1- I like the cultivation paths. 2- It's also good that both the characters were brought to the new world. Tips 1- Try to increase your descriptions of the surroundings such as towns and forests. 2- I found some word mistakes so try to use Grammarly or ProWritingAid to fix those. The story still has a lot of ways to improve which will make it even better.
First of all, i like storyy sooooo much. I just hope the author see this and keep uploading. For me this is for me so far is a light hearted story, with likable MC and a little bit of comedy. The world building and character background is still not clear enough but i think its better this way, i mean like i said its a light hearted story and you dont want so much info dump crap for this kind of story, still i hope slowly but surely the author could talk a little more what kind of world hes building, the connection between every character. You could after a little bit talk about the world, make it so that they creating a organization just by them self to make name for them self, no need for a heavy conflict or something like that, its just because how playful they are. Its just my suggestion, i mean i think that gonna be interesting. Anyway i just hope you keep on uploading new chapters. Good luck. Sorry for my messy english as im not really good at grammar hahaha