5 The return

*ring*

*Ring*

I get up and switch my alarm off ...I didn't actually sleep last night . I don't know when was the last time when I actually slept .

Yesterday aunt Jennie finally found me ... Drenched in rain , eyes bloodshot from the lack of sleep and trying to keep myself from crying. I don't even remember how I got to my bed , it's all so blurry ...all I know is that I didn't want to leave the cemetery and that it hurt so so bad.

You know those sappy lines said in movies that feel like just things people are getting to paid to say. Like they feel like screaming or sorry doesn't help and that when they say fine , it isn't really fine . Unfortunately it is all true .

Every single thing they said is true and I don't know how I will ever feel like speaking again . Cause honestly I have not said a word for the past two weeks , heck I didn't even speak their eulogy cause I couldn't .But I will speak today cause I have to , I need to .

Aunt is making me go to school today , I don't want to go . After all it is mandatory and I can't be excused any longer and noone at school knows what happened... So if I go I would have to take everything , the fake smiles , the questions for why I look like a zombie , when is my party for the start of the new semester.

I don't want to go but I will go , cause that's what they would want . They would drown themselves in work and would care about others feeling as well . That's how my parents were .So that's what I am going to do . Not for me , but for them .

Aunt dropped me at school today cause she knew that I was not in my right mind to drive my bike or my car. Yes I have both , the car is there just for the sake of my parents ...they used to feel like I would get in an accident if I was on the bike.. ironic isn't it , after all I did get in an accident . I shake my head to try and remove those thoughts. Anyways my bike is my true love ....well after them , but they are not here anymore.

I enter the school main building and suddenly someone comes squealing and running towards me ... I don't push them away instead I force a smile on my face and say "Tammy you know , normal people would just say a hi" .

"Yeah we'll do I look like I am normal , plus if they hear my news even they would be like me" she says practically jumping of the floor.she is right , she even used to greet my parents like this ..no ! I can't think of that right now ...my friends can't know about it , not yet atleast.

Tammy must have noticed my resolve because she suddenly has a frown on her face and then says"what's the matter , is this still about that jerk cause Raymond is totally not worth it , you already took two weeks of leave because of him "

I am glad she thinks it's because of Raymond atleast she doesn't pry about the truth " yeah ! I am just taking a little while to get used to it"

"I am always there if you want to talk ..you know that right?" She says touching my arm in a protective and friendly manner.

I smile at her she was always so sweet"thanks girl , you always had my back , anyways what is the news that has you so cheered up "

Suddenly she starts smiling like crazy again and then says " I just heard from Tasha who heard it from crystal who heard it from--"

"Tammy if you will name the entire student body before you get to the point I am going to die of boredom" I say honestly

"Ok ok ...so the point is a new guy is coming to school from England and he is like really hot ...he came for a tour yesterday when I saw him but I couldnt talk to him .

This time I really smile ...only she could get all riled up by a guy " Tammy you remember you have a boyfriend right....I don't think dar-dar would think it is nice if his girl is eyeing other guys"

"I sure don't but that doesn't stop her "Darren says coming up behind me with a smile and the goes towards Tammy and wrapping his arms around her says " but that doesn't stop her does it , don't worry I trust her though and if any guy comes near her I will punch them" .

I laugh at there PDA and just can't help but feel like after so long I finally have a glimmer of happiness. These guys make my return a bit better ...maybe I might just survive here for the semester.

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