Dreadful life

This headache is killing me and these people talking so loud hurts my brain even more. If I talk a little louder everyone would tell me to shut up even the teachers take sides on popular people. Why is it always my fault wherever I am in? I take off my vest and cover my head as I lie my head on the table, finding a soft spot for my head to feel better. I can't even rest for a second and teachers are always early in class to teach. The school bell didn't even ring yet. I curse under my breath. He already starts to write questions on the whiteboard. I swear if I'm the one he's going to call me answer the question. I couldn't even finish the sentences in my head and he already said it. I know I'm not that smart but this is just cruel making a joke out of me nearly everyday.

"Stop. Stand aside", he sternly demand. What now? Not even a month back in school I'm already done and have no whatsoever desire to live because people like this exist and of course I'm the all time hidden victim.

"What the hell do you even do at home? Do you even study at home? Don't waste your god damn time staring at your water bottle and not paying attention. You're so arrogant that you don't even asked help from others. You're going to be a huge failure in the end. DO. YOU. EVEN. STUDY. AT. HOME?!" I am so flabbergast at his words that I don't feel scared but wanting to punch him to death. He is straight up same like my father. I wish I could carelessly beat him up but I remember one more mistake and I'm going to get transfer to boarding school. I didn't realise I was clenching my fist this whole time and my face wrinkles in anger. The whole class was dead silent.

The bell finally rings and its for a different class. As another class ends, I idly head to a garden while the others rush to buy food. I sit down and sigh deeply. I stare yards away and feel the numbness in my heart. My heart has gone through so much that its numb most of the time. I always hate myself but whenever I feel sad or given up on life, only I understand myself and felt so sorry to myself that I have to go through so many horrible things that I didn't even choose. I understand that some people feel it's a small matter and didn't take it to heart at all. I always wish I can shrug things of my shoulder and not take everything to my heart but you know, some of us didn't asked to have such a soft heart.

Classes are done finally for the day. I rush back to Reapers Mansion, change my uniforms in much more comfortable big cotton t-shirt and lie on the bed. I plug in my earphones and stare at the empty wall where the golden sun shines bright enough for my room. There so much countless days where laying in bed without playing phone or intend to sleep, just simply staring.

"Vileri, tell me what happened? I know there's somethings wrong." Jack sit down beside me and stroke my hair. I didn't say a word and just hold his hand tight. Have you ever feel your heart is in pain but in your hand? That's what I felt. He hugs me tighter and brings me closer to his chest. 16 years of living is gone. My childhood, my early teenage years is just gone. Jack is always doing anything that could make me feel better and would do anything that would free me from my traumas. He always wants to see me calm and happy as if the pain from my body slowly leaving as I try to self-heal therapy on my own.

"I have to go now. You know she's going to be piss soon enough", I kiss his forehead and slowly get off from the bed, changing back to my uniforms.

Few more steps, I'll reach my house but I stop in my tracks. The pain has finally build up. I don't even want to go home knowing what more things my heart has to go through. I breath in deeply and continue walking. If I don't go home now or gone missing, things would be hurt a lot more. I open the front and greet my mother. She's sitting in the living room watching drama. I head upstairs to my room and go back down stairs. I take out a plate to eat. I knew I should have starve instead.

"Go and stay with your father instead. You're no good. You won't even study. You're not smart at all to not study. All you do is sleep and eat. Get out from this house. You're a burden" she said this so many times and I don't feel a thing anymore. I quickly finish my food and hurry back to my room. I sit down and plug in my earphones. I took out my home works and subjects I want to study. I stare at my book and clenching a page so hard. I scribble nonsense the whole page. I throw a pen across the room and pull my hair hard. I can't stand a thing any longer but knowing if I break down now, she's going to kill me. I wipe my tears and breath until my face looks normal. I'm not the favourite child. I know that. It took me much longer to finish my works since I paced out most of the time remembering all the dreadful memories. I was startle by my phone vibration. My eyes widen and my left hand covers my open mouth. My heart is racing by every second.