6 CHAPTER 6

"Son of a bitch," I cussed as I wiped my lips with the tissue Hailey gave me. My heart was pounding from the rush and my head throbbed as I finished barfing.

"What triggered you to barf?" Hailey asked in a whispering manner as I sat on the bathroom floor while resting my head against the wall. Hailey was squatting in front of me with a handful of tissue in her grip.

"The chicken."

"But you love chicken. That's your most favorite meat in the world."

"Pregnancy can divert one's preference with food and I think in my case, I hate chicken. Which sucks 'cause it's the only thing I literally eat."

"Celine? What the hell is going on inside there?!" I would've forgotten about him if he hadn't knocked once again and meddled with whatever was happening inside the bathroom.

"She's fine!" Hailey answered for me.

"Can you put the chicken away?" I requested.

"Of course." She smiled at me. "Stay here and I'll put it away. I'll just say some dumb excuse to Raver." I nodded and thanked her.

She went out of the bathroom slowly and making sure that she wasn't showing too much of what was inside the bathroom to the man standing behind the door. The door clicked as soon as Hailey was out.

"What happened? How is she?" I heard Raver hastily asked as Hailey went out of the bathroom.

"She's fine. It was probably the effect of the rancid water she got from her car."

"Then why is she not coming out?" hailey was muted for a couple minutes which made my heart pound more.

I kept on pushing Hailey to say something in my head but nothing seemed to help the situation. Hailey was still not saying anything to Raver which made me picture his confused and accusing face.

"S-She was just pampering up," She replied. The weight in my chest literally vanished as soon as I heard her. I heard footsteps getting farther so I insinuated that one of them, probably Hailey, walked away from the bathroom.

I closed my eyes and sighed.

I started to think that preventing the truth to be disclosed was too complicated and needed more efforts to succeed. I was so torn that I never wished to get out of the bathroom and face him or more, to eat with him. I badly wanted to escape and return to the past when none of this was existing. I was so fucked up to the point that I was disappointed at myself for everything that had happened after I learned about my pregnancy.

"Celine? Are you done?" I heard a knock once again.

"A-Almost!" I shouted.

I got up on my knees and started to collect myself. I stare at my reflection in the mirror as I brush my black long wavy hair until the ends. I tied it in a ponytail and wore my cotton hairband to prevent any hair from falling onto my face. My face looks pale so I decided to put some colors on before exiting the room so I started to wash my face with a facial wash and cleansed it afterwards.

Since Hailey said I was pampering up as an excuse, might as well do it.

Thankfully, I store some make up in my common bathroom even if I seldom use this. I dragged a good amount of tint across my bottom lip and pressed both my lower lip and bottom lip together to even out the shade. I tapped my cheeks to release its natural redness and I was done.

I did everything as if I was renewing myself and starting over again. Every damp of color on my face represented the new me that I would become once I step out of this bathroom door. I needed everything to fall into the right place and a single mistake was prohibited in my situation. This was so hard to bear with but every time I thought of surrendering, it appeared to be I was disappointing someone. And that someone had yet to conquer this world, that someone was just still in the process of forming into one tiny cute human being.

I'd never been a mother, obviously, but because of this little bean inside me, I wished to be a good one. I wished I could pull this off and raise an ethical human being. This was absolutely the first time I felt excited to be a mother after I found out I was going to be.

I removed my headband and put my hair down. I divided my hair into two sections, just like what I often do and pressed my lips once again.

"Act normal and don't show any distress on your face. For the baby," I whispered to myself and turned to the door just beside me to get out.

I clutched the handle and slowly pushed it down to open the door. The image of raver immediately welcomed my sight. He sighed as he went near me, as if our safe distance was too much that he had to invade most of the space that separated us.

"Are you really feeling good?" He asked. I gave him the happiest smile I could fake and assured him that I was.

"Yes, I am. Don't worry about me."

"You don't need anything? Ointment, med-" I held his arms and cut him off before he suggested to have an appointment with the doctor.

"I'm fine, I promise. This isn't a big deal." Although, this was a big deal.

His eyes traveled to my hand on his arm and when I saw his shoulders weakened, I immediately put my hand away.

"Let's eat. The food's getting cold." I smiled once again. I walked past him slowly, taking a peak at the dining room to make sure that the chicken wasn't on the table anymore. I didn't see any chicken on the table so my pace went faster and I was seated in my seat almost immediately.

The dinner was a little silent. I wasn't striking a conversation and Raver kept trying to but I only responded to him tersely. Hailey, on the other hand, was dead silent like she was pressed or something but I could sense that she was alerting herself like something similar might happen again.

"Where's the chicken, by the way? I put it here." Raver asked while he was wiping some sauce on his lips. His eyebrows furrowed.

"I put it away," Hailey responded while looking and playing with her food. "It takes too much space on the table."

I thought Raver would bicker with Hailey once more but to my surprise, he just nodded and turned to me.

"Do you want me to serve you chicken?" He sounded so sincere and his stare wasn't flinching or wandering. His eyes were only directed at me, it was so debilitating.

"N-No. We ate chicken at the mall earlier so no, thank you." I said, lying.

His forehead creased and his Adam's apple moved because of a gulp.

"But you love chicken. You don't say 'no' to chicken." Instantly, I became claustrophobic that I felt like everything was near me and stealing air to breathe. I started to sweat bullets on my forehead and my palms were watering as well.

"I-I've been eating chicken almost the whole month so…"

He stared at me for a couple more minutes like he was figuring out an unsolvable puzzle. Thankfully, he nodded and for some reason, he believed it.

***

The next days came by like a whirlwind and my situation couldn't get any better. My morning sickness intensified and I became too emotional than usual!

One night, I was watching an animated movie and I literally cried when the main character was doing cute stuff. I didn't realize it until I finished the whole movie and kept on repeating the scene all over again to torture me emotionally.

Gosh, get out already.

"Well, you better fix your problems with him before you leave. It'd be hard on his part as your parent to see you depart on bad terms," I said to Raver over the phone after I finish the piece of watermelon inside my mouth.

I don't do a lot of things every summer other than try to sell some clothes and accessories I sew out of boredom. So before he called, I was sewing some of the clothes I designed myself.

I never thought of getting a fashion course in college but somehow, I was heading to this path. I never accused myself as someone who had a good fashion sense but I wanted to say that I was quite good when it comes to colors and artworks. That was why I thought I'd be pursuing architecture like Hailey. But look I am now, still with measuring tools but measuring tools intended for sewing.

"I will surely do that but I'm still giving him time. He'll come around. I'm sure of that."

"If that's your decision, then I'll support you." I smiled even if he could not see me.

"Thanks, Cece. You're the best," He chuckled before saying that. "Hey, by the way, did you lock your door?"

My shook my head in disbelief when he asked me that. He'd always remind me to lock my door or close my windows every single damn time. It was like someone would just appear on my door and claim my place his. Nonetheless, I still checked every time he asked me. However, I didn't go to the door right now to check it because I was too lazy to stand up so I assumed that it was.

"Yep. I did." To my surprise, it didn't take long before my door swung open and it released Raver. My shock was very obvious by the way my mouth and eyes widened.

"No, liar, you didn't" He told me as soon as he met my eyes.

He dropped the call and walked towards the living room. He sat beside me on my couch while I was still holding my phone over my ear.

He brought my hand down when he noticed it too.

"You didn't tell me that you were coming," I said.

"Then it won't be a surprise. By the way, surprise!" He lifted his hands and gestured.

He usually did this but I couldn't get used to it. He had done this a million times but I was still dumbfounded everytime it came to my knowledge that he came to my place to surprise me. Even if I should be ashamed that he was seeing my current situation right now; oversized shirt, pajama and my hair looking like a mess, I didn't bother to fix myself… Although, to be honest, I used to do it but as time passed by, I didn't know but, Raver gradually made me feel comfortable being who I wanted to be when I was with him. It was like even if I was at my lowest and most vulnerable self, he wouldn't judge me in any way.

I was a fucking crazy bitch, wasn't I?

He was giving me these signals that were too vague to understand and they caused myself to feel crazed and confused with our whole set up. Were we only friends? Yes, we were. Had a phenomena ever occurred that we could be more than friends? Again, yes, most of the time.

But even with these signals, I couldn't decipher what we really were. Had my brain gotten impaired? I didn't have a clue. But one thing's for sure, something would've happened if there weren't things that held us, of each of us rather, back.

He had held back himself before and he was still doing it now. He'd gotten good with it, really. I had memorized his way of putting a wall between us. He'd do it once he'd feel that something about us was getting deeper in a way that was beyond his liking. Then it was either he'd sleep with a girl, or get into a casual relationship with someone and prove a point or something to me.

As for myself, I never held myself back for him because I could never think of wanting someone that wasn't him. But now that everything in his life and the baby's life were at stake if he found out that I was pregnant, I slowly stepped back from him and drifted my way away from him.

"So, what brings you here?" I asked.

"Do I need to have a reason to hang out with my best friend? 'Course not."I sneered at him.

"Seriously, Raver. What's up?" He moved his face to my side and sighed. He then shifted his position in his seat to fully face me.

"I missed you," He said assertively and gave me the warmest smile.

I gulped. The fragments of the memory we shared that night slowly repeated in my head. I shrugged it off by plastering a smile on my face.

I had to dismiss this awkward atmosphere between us by thinking of a new topic to discuss.

"So… Since you're here already, say we head to the mall and help me buy stuff for the products that I'll sell? I might need another hand to carry some of the stuff."

He looked away and there was a glint of dismay in his eyes as I looked at them switching direction. He licked his lips once and turned to me again saying gruffly, 'Sure, I'm in."

I asked for a couple minutes to fix myself. I didn't have to shower because I already did but changed clothes into a decent outfit. My belly wasn't too protruded yet since I was still in my fifth week of pregnancy so I decided to wear a lavender tube top partnered with a short cardigan in the same color to cover up my arms from the cold temperature inside the mall and high-waisted jeans. I partnered the whole outfit with white dad sneakers.

"I'm ready." I went out of my room to Raver who was still in the living room, eating my leftover watermelon. He looked up at me when I caught his attention and his adam's apple moved as he saw my sight. His eyes travelled from bottom to the top like he was a tiger ready to take his prey.

"Let's go. You drive." I didn't want him to look at me more because it gave me chills and it was as if I could feel his touch again from the night we shared by just looking at him while he was staring at me.

We hit the road shortly. My condo was located near a mall but since the only store there that sold sewing supplies was small, I decided to go to the bigger mall that had a big store for sewing supplies.

There weren't any traffic jam so we arrived at the place in no time.

"I suddenly forgot what I needed to buy," I told him, frowning, as we stood in front of the store.

"You didn't list them down?"

"I didn't. But this usually never happens. I always immediately know what to buy every time I'm in the store." I replied, looking disoriented. I started to bite my nails.

Apart from being too emotional, I often forgot things. Last night, when Hailey left my apartment, I cried so hard because I thought she ate my last yogurt but as it turned out, I had only forgotten that I left it on the counter top. Seriously, the roller coaster emotion I'm having right now was bonkers.

"That's fine, Cece," Raver responded then he put my hand down without letting go of it. "I'll help you remember," he finished as he hauled me gently into the store.

I couldn't help but notice the attention he got from the people around us. They were gawking at him like he was an angel falling from heaven. I couldn't blame them though. Raver was really a God-sent. He had a pale skin, as white as milk, and very different from my tanned one. His wavy brown hair was demented but in a way that suited him. His lips were looking soft and based on experience, really felt soft. His nose was perfectly carved like he was God's favorite human being. I was tall as a woman but he towered over me. But above all his features, his eyes shone the most. He had a heterochromia, his eyes had two colors, green on the left and blue on the right. You would never get tired of looking at them.

"How 'bout this? Do you need these?" We were in the aisle full tools when he asked while holding a rotary cutter.

He was pushing the cart and every time he saw something that amazed him, he'd ask me if I needed that.

"Nope. Already have that," I told him and he only nodded like a good puppy. He returned the item to the rack and followed me as I looked more for things I might need.

We were about to enter the lining aisle when we saw the counter near it. The line was long, probably about three meters long. Of course Raver saw it too so he spoke to me, "Woa. The line is looong. It'll take minutes before our items would be punched."

"Can you fall in line now, Rav? Please? I'm so hungry! I don't think I can wait that long," He gave me a hearty laugh before nodding.

"Sure. I'll wait for you." He ruffled my hair and paved his way to the line.

I hurriedly went to the isle of fabrics and caught the sales lady's attention to help me fetch the fabrics that I needed. For this summer, I wanted to sell clothes for pets so I bought the fabrics that I could use for making them.

"I got all the fabrics you want, ma'am." The sales lady informed me.

"Thank you." I smiled "Can you please come with me and bring them. My hands are full." I was holding different threads in my hands and forgot to bring a basket because I was trying my best to hurry. I don't want to keep Raver waiting for me.

"Sure ma'am. Lead the way." I lead the way. We passed by several ilse to get into the counter.

But I was glued to my feet the minute I saw Raver waiting in the line. He was huddling over the cart's handle comfortably while talking to the girl in front of him who was facing him sideways to meet his face. I couldn't see the girl because her side was blocking my view of her face.

Immediately, I felt my eyes water. I couldn't move my feet to his direction anymore and my attention was all over their talk. Raver was smirking at whatever the girl was saying and the girl was laughing back.

They were like flirting.

No.

They were flirting.

Out of weakness, the thread that I was holding suddenly dropped one by one. Each drop of thread made a sound and it caused Raver to clap his eyes on me. His smirk slowly faded and his expression became dim and indifferent. Not entirely indifferent to me because he never left my eyes the moment they laid on mine. His jaw moved slowly and there was worry on his face. It was a coincidence that when he looked at me, my tears started to fall like waterfalls and slowly, I took a step back.

Raver tried to call me but my surroundings became silent. When I wasn't responding, he left the line and went straight to me.

"Cece, what's wrong?" He tried to reach for me but I stepped back.

"I hate you," I whispered and walked out of the store as fast as I can.