1 CHAPTER 1

"Fuck, no." I stared at the stick for almost ten minutes, repeating all what I had to have gone through to be in this very moment. From the night at the bar, the seductive persuasion, and to our impulsive reaction to the liquor.

My thoughts were haywired at this very moment and it was as if I was on cloud nine but nothing is joyful around me. I thought I was going to cry but I didn't. Instead, I unconsciously reprimanded myself in my head.

How could I be so fucking stupid? I knew better yet, this happened. How would I be able to fix this? He probably wouldn't want this. I mean, how could he. He didn't even want me in the first place so how could he want this that was half me and half him?

I stayed inside the cubicle for almost thirty minutes and when I was finally done self-loathing, I went outside and the cleaning lady's menacing and full of judgment eyes met mine in an instant. She probably noticed how long I was inside. What was she thinking though? That I was like those ladies in the news that had been inside a cubicle for so long because they had to abort their babies themselves? Sorry, if I chose to abort mine, I would do it professionally, lady.

I headed out the bathroom and immediately got my new store-bought iPhone that my dad gave me last month for my birthday. I clicked the message app and typed in Hailey's name.

To: Hailey

Hey, I'm at the mall right now. You got a minute?

I wasn't sure if telling her was the safest idea considering I didn't have plans on telling both my adoptive father about this. He would probably be disappointed and for sure, he wouldn't want his real family to know his ward's pregnancy news. Regardless, I'd known Hailey for a long time now. We met in junior high school when she transferred to the city with her family. Despite my worries, I was sure that she would understand my situation. Besides, I couldn't keep this to myself because even though I didn't want certain people to know my current situation, I knew very well that I didn't have the courage to really pull this off just by myself.

From: Hailey

Yes, of course. I hate my prof in my next class so imma ditch.

We agreed to meet at a local fast food chain inside the mall. I ordered for the two of us two chicken meals. Although, I instantly regretted buying my usual meal because it was usually over my budget. Now that someone was growing inside me, I had to be more wise when it comes to my money. Well, not that I entirely didn't have money. My dad gave me an allowance per month that when combined, had a similar price for a motorcycle. Also, I do this particular part time job every summer so I have a separate account for my own savings.

It was just that, I didn't know how much I'd need to raise a child. My college fund was separated from my allowance and as well as my basic necessities. He also got me my own place but I wasn't sure when that privilege would last. As for my savings, It was a decent amount but not enough to raise a child.

He was rich, yes, but he wasn't doing this for me because it was his obligation and responsibility, more because it was a favor. My then adoptive mom and him adopted me from an orphanage but when my adoptive mom died, he had a new family that didn't include me. That was because he wasn't really fine with the idea of adopting someone and also, his current wife didn't like me that much.

It was fine with me though. At least he did what the contract with the orphanage asked him to do; feed me, dress me, give me a home and whatnot.

"Hey, 'sup, girl?" She greeted me as soon as she sat in the seat infront of me.

"I have news."

"Oooh, have you two finally hooked up?" She was talking about Raver, my best friend and… the father of this baby.

Me and Raver were basically inseparable since we were kids. I used to live with my chaperone that my dad hired to look out for me and whenever she brought me to the playground, Raver was there, playing with a bunch of kids while I sat on the sand box, playing by myself. One time, he joined me in that sand box and that was when our friendship started. We went to the same school, we were classmates since secondary school and we even settled our lives together in the future when we were kids.

Growing up with him was both a nightmare and a dream. Ever since, I'd known that we both had this special connection that not usually two friends had. Back then when I was so young, I swore to myself that he was the man of my dreams, the man of my life

He gave me a lot of motives when we were kids that made me thought of that; We'd play pretend weddings, and his vows were the sweetest among all vows I'd heard, we'll act like a family with my dolls and boy he was a great father, he'd buy me ice cream from the ice cream vendor with his very little allowance as a kid and so much more.

But as time changed, he did too. He became distant to me but not the kind that cut connections. He became distant when some changes occurred in his life. He started changing when his parents filed an annulment case, that was junior high. It broke him down, I knew it. He wasn't very expressive then and I respected that. He started to abandon me and avoid me but that didn't stop me from building our friendship once again.

I did succeed in rebuilding it but… the second chance we got to be friends was different. I couldn't feel the connection any more because he lost it. When I protected my feelings for him discreetly, his for me slowly vanished as sands fell out of the hourglass.

Until now, even if we were old and I knew better, I still kept holding on to the chance that we would be something in the future. But what I had in mind was so different from what I was facing now.

"No. Actually, bigger than that." He laughed and put her backpack in the seat adjacent to her.

Hailey was a very beautiful girl, I could say and among all of her features, her eyes stood out the most. But the thing with her is that she didn't seem to care that people admired her beauty or found her beautiful. She wasn't the kind of girl who did everything just to look nice and appealing in the eyes of many. She was the type that was low key and free spirit. She was in her usual clothes today, shirt and a pair of pants partnered with her white sneakers.

"So, you want the two of you to be more than your initial plan? Perhaps, you're thinking about napping him and forcing him to marry you?"

"No… I… I'm…" Her forehead creased.

"You're what?"

"Remember two weeks ago when you noticed that our stash of napkins hadn't been touched but my period week was that week? And I said, 'I've been having delays lately so it isn't a big deal'? Well, something came up." Her attention was all mine as I was talking. She wasn't in her usual expression when she was about to make a joke and I hate that she wasn't.

I wanted her to be in her usual state and throw banters and jokes on me. I hate that she was too serious now, I didn't need that. What I needed was for everything to seem normal even if by the minute I said those words, nothing was normal.

"Cece, what came up?" He put our meals on the side and leaned over the table. The minute she got near me, I started to tear up.

I let my tears pour down like a water fall. I didn't care if we were in an open place and a lot of people saw me. I just want time to stop for a moment and give me time to breathe and take all in.

She took my hand that I rested on the table and she gently caressed it.

"What came up, Celine?" She reiterated.

"I-I'm pregnant," I finally told her. I knew that she knew that was what I was going to tell her but her shock was evident and she didn't spare a minute to hide it. But more than shock, there was empathy in her eyes.

"What- How?" She asked gently. I didn't answer abruptly because I was busy wiping my tears off. As if on queue, she helped me do it and spoke.

"Take your time to breathe, honey. I'll be here for you when you're ready." I didn't listen to her because I started to talk.

"A week ago, I started feeling sick and nauseous every morning and at first, I thought it was just the weather. But when I noticed that I slept a lot and had missed my period for days now, I knew something was wrong." I sniffed and scrunched my nose. I looked at my surroundings to see what was happening around me and no one seemed to care so I continued. "I google about it because I had a hunch so when I got the courage to know the truth, I went to the pharmacy store and bought three pregnancy sticks which all states that I'm positive."

"Oh my gosh. I don't know what to say." She looked down, licked her lips and looked at me again. "How- how did it happen?"

"What do you mean did it happen? Of course we had sex-"

"No, that wasn't what I meant. When did it happen and who is your baby daddy?" She whispered.

I left out with no choice but to tell her. In fact, since I already told her about this, I was pretty sure that I owe her explanation.

"When we went to the bar to celebrate the school's win last season, I hooked up with someone." I said tersely.

"Then?" I rolled my eyes because she was really keen on juicing information.

"Then, we got drunk, one thing led to another and I just woke up with a sore-" I stopped in the middle of my sentence because he made a face that said that she was disgusted. "And a man beside me."

"Who is the 'man'?" I slouched my shoulders and looked at our hands on the table. I licked my lips before telling her who was it.

"Raver. Raver's the man and the father." Her gasp was so loud that the people sitting beside our table looked at us. It didn't last for long though.

'What? Nooo." She said, placing her hand on her mouth. "That's impossible! He barely even looks at you that way!"

"I know but, we were drunk at that time and we were together so…"

"So what are your plans now?" She sighed again. "Tell me you're keeping the baby." I immediately put my hands on my stomach and gestured as if I was protecting it.

"Of course I'll keep the baby. And I'll raise the baby myself."

"But we're still in college. How will we do that?" It startled me when she said 'we'. I knew she wouldn't judge me but I thought I had to ask her support and help first before I had it.

"'We'? You'll help me?" She looked shocked and a little offended.

"Excuse me? Of course I'll help you! You're my best friend! Even if your best friend was the daddy of your baby." She whispered the last sentence but I heard it. I just neglected it and thanked her.

"So… When will you tell him?" We were now in the middle of our meal when she struck a conversation about my pregnancy again.

"I'm not sure. I mean, I don't think he would accept the baby."

"What? That's ridiculous! Of course he will! That's his child!" She replied after taking a bite of her chicken.

"I don't know. He's young and the baby might be a hindrance for him." She laughed without humor.

"You've got to be kidding me. That's bullshit! You both created the baby so the baby is both your responsibility not yours only!"

"I haven't thought about that thoroughly. We'll see."