1 Chapter 1 Does He Know?

I've never really fallen in love.. Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like to be in love. To maybe come home and find your boyfriend setting the dinner table because he just ordered takeout. Or maybe even yelling "Honey, I'm home!" right as you come home from a hard day of work.

It's the little things your loved one can do that can put the brightest smile on your face. Maybe that's bringing you breakfast in bed, or even him taking you out for a nice walk. Sometimes I wonder how my life would end up like if I'd just fallen in love with the right person.

I've never believed in "high school sweethearts". It's too much drama. Especially when you're both interested in different colleges. Long term relationships aren't my thing. You'll never know if one cheats. Even the pain in missing them too much is too hard for me to handle.

At least I have my small family. My dad (Mark) is 49 years old. He works as a technician and is a super dorky dad. Whenever I'm eating for example, he'll come upstairs from the basement, and pretend to act all cool, or maybe even do a weird accent or dance.

Then, there's my brother Cole. He's 22 years old. He's got his own family now. I really miss him. I remember all the fun times we had growing up. We're 4 years apart and used to be in the same school. He was in grade 6 and I was in grade 2. He would always stick up for me.

6th grade is the highest grade for elementary school, so everyone would think they're the "big kids" and they run the place. I miss when I was in grade 7 or 8, and when he would pick me up (once in a blue moon) he would roll all the windows down, and blast his rap music. Of course, my brother's truck had speakers in the seats and there was a ton of bass.

Then, there's me. My name is Victoria, I'm 17 years old. My family and I live in a very small town called "Leduc". It's right near Edmonton, In Alberta. I'm not exactly the smartest kid in general. I spend my weekends watching Netflix or hanging out with friends. I study when I need to, and usually have a passing grade in most of my classes.

When I was younger, I got involved with the wrong friend group, and was always encouraged to do something stupid. When I was around 9 or 10 years old (grade 4) I began feeling depressed. Even though I was really young at the time, I knew it wasn't quite normal, and didn't bring it up to my parents.

I began feeling suicidal and started self harming. My parents found out from a concerned parent on my snapchat. I was messaging her daughter and of course, she snitched. I used a plastic knife from a tea party set, my mom had bought for me at a garage sale.

My parents took away my ipad and searched it. They found messages between me and older men online. I haven't been trusted with any device since I was 12. I was only 11 when I began vaping.

Long story short, I was going through a lot, and turned to vaping, smoking, chewing tobacco and getting high with my friends. My parents don't know about a stash in my room. I guess I turned to drugs ever since my dad went to jail for 6 months.

For the first 3 months, my family couldn't visit him as the visiting time was during school and no kids were allowed. The phones were only available at lunch, so he got to call my mother. She visited him when she could. My dad eventually got transferred somewhere closer to us. "Grierson". It was in Edmonton. They allowed visits, of all ages and all day.

They had a vending machine in the visiting room inside. Before each visit, we bought some snacks, and got to enjoy our time together on some benches. They made their own food, and did their own laundry. It was way better than the other jail. At least I didn't have to write him letters anymore.

I was 11 when all this happened. My dad missed my 12th birthday, and everything else going on. When I was a newborn, my dad worked for a roof making company. His boss wanted every employee to begin to illegally advertise their company, and other things, which I'm not too sure about. My dad needed the money as he had to support me, and my 2 brothers.

Oh yea, I never met my older brother "Evan" because he's also in jail. For drugs, animal abuse, counterfeit money, and who knows what else. He would always call up my grandpa (who's dead now) for money.

When Evan came home one day, he went on the computer to play games. My mum told him to study, blah blah blah, chores etc. Evan got angry and knocked my mom out unconscious. My dad was out working. She needed stitches.

My brother ran to my grandparents house next door at the time, and started crying "Evan killed mummy!". My grandpa chased Evan outside until someone called the police. My dad had to adopt Evan, as he wasn't his real kid.

I have 4 cats; Cookie, OJ, Rocky, and Kiki. They're all adorable. Except Kiki. She's the only girl cat, and she's always cranky. Cookie whines so much, it's painful. OJ isn't the brightest cat. He went from a baby munchkin, to an overfed cat. He's always curious. Rocky enjoys going outside. He's a flat face, black and white persian. He mostly sleeps all day.

Recently, my parents got into a huge fight. I'm not sure what about, but hopefully they get it over with soon. My mom (Sheryl) was not happy that she had to move out instead of my dad. I think a lawyer got involved. Again, not too sure. My mom is a travel agent, she's 47 years old, and she enjoys arguing if I'm being honest.