1 The red string of fate

Connected. We are all connected with the person we are fated to be with. It's a sweet way of thinking about your soulmate, whether you've met them already or are waiting to meet them. Dreaming about the day you meet, thinking about all the great things you will experience with them and how great every minute being with them would be. Chasing a dream like that is so innocent, especially for a young girl in high school but at some point in your life there comes a time where you realise you might be a bit too old to be believing in the sweet tale of love which is the red string of fate.

29 is a cruel age. You may still be in your twenties but you're in your late twenties, you know how scary those words are? They mean you're getting old, you're nearing your thirties, now that's a scary word. This is the time of your life where you start to wish the phrase 'Forever young' could be applied to your age. You probably think that I'm being childish fretting over getting older. But that's not the problem here, I'm not just getting all worked up about turning thirty, it's that I'm turning thirty and I still haven't got a boyfriend!!

All my friends are pretty, slim and either have a boyfriend or are married! I'm getting so desperate that I've started playing 'otome games' (games that have handsome men that all fall in love with you and you have to choose one to date). I've tried everything! From blind dates to online dating and not once have one of the men ever asked for a second date T-T. Thinking back at when I was a young girl, I can't believe how stupid I was to even think that I would find my fated one.

Don't get me wrong there have been plenty of guys I've liked but I never had the courage to tell them, why you ask? Well, I confessed to a guy one time, this was in my second year of High school so it was a given to fall in love with the most handsome guy in class. If you can't guess already, I got turned done, in the worst. way. possible. It was horrible and I still remember it till this day. Like every girl, I wrote a letter, a love letter, asking him to meet me at the back of the school gym after school. He came, with his usual cold face, I had never talked to him so I just imagined that he wasn't a mean guy but I was so wrong. I told him my feelings, the whole time my heart was beating furiously I was so nervous that I was practically stuttering. Straight after I told him my feelings I heard him burst into laughter. At that moment my heart broke. I looked up trying to keep the tears from slipping. He walked up to me and with the straightest face and the slightest look of disgust he said, "To even think that a worthless girl like you would ever find love is ridiculous and to think that you would ever steal my heart is hilarious, I have all these beautiful girls at my disposal so what's the use of having an ugly worm like you by my side?" Just as he was about to turn and walk away he stopped and said to my face, "and if you ever mention that I said these things to you, then consider your future ruined" and with that, he walked away without a sign of guilt on his whole face.

Although it was a long time ago, it still hurts me. Those words still feel like they are true. Me? Find love? That's impossible. I thought I was connected to someone, I thought someone would fall in love with me one day. I thought I was pretty enough for love but the amount of makeup I wear proves me wrong. The red string of fate is stupid! I hate it! It gives you the idea that you are fated to be with someone, but what if I'm meant to be with no one! The red string of fate, how long is my string? How many miles do I have to walk to find my fated one? Please, one day answer my question!! Will I, Kiko Suzuki find love?