Wrong doings

It's midnight, and the night becomes alive and engulfs me with darkness. I'v always had a particular liking to the dark, it's so peaceful and beautiful with all the soothing sounds of the winds breath. Stars above me sparkle subtly with such elegance and grace that they stand still with the frozen world. The night becomes black with the faint remarks of the hills across the skyline. An aeroplane passes, the rushing of the jets soothe me as I gently shut my eyes. I needed some peaceful relaxation after today. I finally reached a point within my day that I could clear my mind and think about something's I had curved for awhile. After all, I wanted to find out my true feelings, I'm still unsure of my sexuality. It's an uncomfortable subject but I genuinely feel confused. Why do I not feel the same way about boys as I do girls. Currently, I just feel more emotionally connected to women. I have strong, independent women around me that inspire me to do better. I miss the times as a child when I had no worries or cares in the world apart from what colour Lego I was going to use. Growing up is a long and complicated process and everyone experiences it differently. I have such vivid memories of my childhood when I actually felt happy. Happiness is always been an important thing for me, i'v always wanted to be happy. I'm going to strive to be happy and be a successful person. My biggest worry is that I'm not going to be accepted by anyone. The rain batters down and bashes the floor with anger. Is god trying to tell me that my life's a mess? I didn't believe in that sort of nonsense, science can prove anything. But not love...

I lay here alone in my depression counting the days as they go by, and quite frankly I felt lost. I want to be honest about my feelings, but there is none. All I feel is the numb sorrows of the rain crying for help. I want to be able to feel happy, but I can't force my feelings. I can't trick myself into being happy. I want you but I can't deny that you will never like me, it's a curse. A horrible, horrible curse. Unrequited love hasn't ever ended well, not to mention the soul crushing affects of it. Loving someone so close to you is affectionate but I want more, I forever crave your sweet smile and how your tears make me terribly sad. I want your eyes to meet mine so I can see your deepest desires and feel your thoughts connect with mine. I gave my heart to you but you didn't even realise. I'm wrapped around your little finger, and I have realised this pain is troubling. For you I feel something deeper than anything that I have ever felt before. It's something I can't quite describe, your touch is so tender, it feels so warm. I can't hide my love for you, you know it's there but choose to ignore it. Why me?

I guess it's time I think about someone else, but it's so hard because you are so beautiful within mind and body. She stands 5'4 with confidence, and her long flowing hair is scented with cherry blossom. Her eyes shine in the sunlight which reminds me of my mother in her prime time. She transcends god when she spends time to look that fine, but can you blame me for looking. Sassy but classy if you ask me, you tell me your darkest secrets but why? If you trusted me with that, why not your heart. Speak to me please, just tell me your feelings, I need to know. To put my heart at ease when you come close to me. I could feel your body heat when you laid next to me with your perfectly thick thighs pressed against me. Please hold me and tell me that I'm worthy, because your touch makes me feel so special. You make me like such a different person, because with you by my side everything will be alright.

There's been times where I have felt so intertwined with you, we were so much closer back then. My best times of my life will have been with you. I have never expressed my gratefulness to you, I hide my feelings from you. Because I cannot tell you...

Fuck this, why! My head hurts, I see you willingly everyday, why the hell am I so hung up on you.