2 1.2

The next day, I awoke to loud rhythmic knocks at my door. I rubbed the misty sleep out of my eyes and grumbled as I trudged towards the door, combing the knots out of my hair as I went. I shouted at whoever was on the other side to come in, and the door opened, revealing my brothers, Tsarevich Adrian and Tsarevich Pytor. I bent down to hug them both cheerily, and then I realised that someone was missing.

"Where's Ivan, Adrian?"

Adrian's happy expression morphed into a sad one. "He… "

"He what, Adri?" I stared at him.

"He… Mamochka sent him away."

I gasped in shock. She knew Ivan was dear to me as a sibling. "Why would she do that?" Adrian shrugged his shoulders. "She did so without prior notice, Yul. We only noticed he was gone when one day, he started disappearing at our meals, and then disappeared altogether." He said.

I slumped against the wall. Mamochka wouldn't do that, surely? I loved Mama and she had never done something like this before… not that she's ever had to, I think. I had to trust that Mama knew what she was doing, and carry on with my plan in the meantime. One of my brothers, Tsarevich Andrei was too dangerous to my plans, and I had to find out what he planned to do.

As the eldest child, I was—according to the old court edicts, the legitimate heiress to the throne, the Tsesarevna—regardless of gender. I couldn't possibly let males get in the way of my rightful rule, could I? I needed to remove those who stood in my way—for the moment, if not permanently, and help those of use to me if—no, when I reigned. I saw clearly in my mind's eye, who the obstacles were, and I had to find a way to get rid of them, starting with Tsarevich Andrei.

I pushed myself up again and squinted. I just realized something unusual… my brothers were allowed to open the door all the way? Where was the guard that normally stood outside to make sure incidents of this sort didn't happen? Curious.

"Oh, yes, Yul—Papa said you're free to go. Come, join us for breakfast! The whole court misses you, Yul." Adri smiled and flashed his pearly whites up at me. Ah, so that was why.

Upon hearing the 3 magical words "free to go", I spun on my heels, grabbed my used and unused parchments, inkbottle and quill before rushing out of the room, heaving a sigh of relief the moment I crossed the threshold. I rushed down the hallway with my brothers in tow, running past the banquet hall and into our separate rooms to change for breakfast.

When I got to my room, I laid my inkbottle and quill down on my familiar red mahogany table, rolled my poem up, and tied it up with a red satin ribbon, sliding it into a parchment case that I tucked into my closet. I changed out of the grey dress and tossed it in a heap on the floor. I dashed into the adjoining bathroom to wash myself up and look presentable. Where were my maids when I needed help? I ground my teeth in annoyance as I stuffed myself into a sky blue silk dress that was a few sizes too small for me. I realised that I had somehow put on a bit of weight even when grounded.

After I decided that I looked presentable enough, I scurried out into the hallway, joined by Adrian and not long after, Pytor. We strode stately down the hallway [or at least attempted to] into the banquet hall, where I was immediately blasted with a whole wave of noise, smell, and movement.

My overloaded senses resulted in me standing at the entrance to the hall openmouthed. So many people! I had easily missed the hustle and bustle in my 2-week stint away from the court.

I hurriedly regained my composure and went to find my seating place, which thankfully was the same as before I was grounded. I was happy to be able to sit beside Mama again—I missed her so much! I missed her smile that seemed pure and young, yet wise and ancient at the same time. Besides, she always somehow managed to pull off looking stunning in any sort of dress. She was easily the best-looking Tsarina I had ever seen. I shook my head to clear the fog of nostalgia and waited for my parents' arrival to the hall.

When my parents strode into the hall, I couldn't help myself. I rushed over to Mama and hugged her in a tight embrace. I admit, I might have sniffled once or twice. 2 weeks might not be a long time, but when you're separated from someone you love dearly, even 2 hours would be a long time, let alone 336 hours. As I released Mama from my tight embrace, I gave Papa a quick curtsey and waited for them both to sit down, before I followed suit, and so did the rest of the court. As Emperor, Papa blessed all of our food before we all tucked into the palatable platters of heavenly-smelling dishes.

The banquet hall was soon filled with merry laughter and hoots alongside chatter punctuated with the occasional drunk shout of glee. I stuffed myself full of meringue and baguettes and made sure to clean every morsel of food from my plate. I missed eating baguettes, but no one ever let me have any while I was grounded.

The servers came out in a row from the kitchen, bearing jugs of wine and pots of Earl Grey tea. Oh, I missed Earl Grey dearly! It was so much nicer to drink in comparison to Jasmine tea. The moment the server poured my tea into my cup, I downed it and requested for another serving before she could even move on to Mama, who chuckled at how I threw the cup of tea down my throat. I smiled back at Mama fondly as I watched the corners of her eyes crinkle up cheerfully. I found myself wondering if I would ever be able to smile like that when I became a woman, for I heard it was hard.

After 4 consecutive cups of tea and filling my cup for the fifth time, I gestured for the server to leave. I enthusiastically grabbed some pasta from a nearby platter and heaped it onto my plate. Adrian nudged me. "Sis, slow down. You might choke." I gave him a mock growl while stuffing more pasta down. I had missed the banquet hall's platters so much! They were way better than having to eat leftover delicacies… and tastier too. I finished 3 plates of pasta before I finally slowed down to plop 10 dumplings on my plate. Just as I was about to take the first bite, Mama nudged me.

"Yul, have you seen Andrei?" I shook my head no.

"You didn't see him on your way to the banquet hall?" I shook my head again. Mama frowned and turned to whisper to Papa. It didn't take long before he started frowning and gestured to a nearby servant, whispering to him. The servant bowed and ran off.

I touched Mama's arm. "Andrei's missing?"

She nodded. "Aye, he is."

"You didn't send him away too?" Mama furrowed her brows at that question, before whispering in my ear, "I only sent Ivan away, sweetheart. No one else. Ivan, Adrian, and Pytor are absolutely loyal to you and me, and no one else."

"Not even Papa? But he's the Emperor!" I whispered back in surprise.

Mama shook her head sadly and continued, "Your father's getting old and crueler as he ages. The people will start to rebel soon, if they haven't started already."

I listened with my mouth agape. Crueler? Papa wasn't cruel… or was he? My tutor had told me that anything was possible and as the Tsesarevna, to be wary of everyone. I turned back to my food thoughtfully, cutting my dumplings into small square shapes as I wondered at Andrei's disappearance.

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As I chewed the last piece of dumpling on my plate, the servant came rushing back. He bowed to Papa and Mama, before whispering something in Papa's ear. Judging by the panicked look on his face after hearing what the servant had to say, Andrei was probably nowhere to be found. Papa rose from his chair at the head of the table and rushed past the astonished servers. Papa had never rushed away in the middle of a meal before, leaving everyone staring open-mouthed after him. Except for Mama, that is. She was staring after Papa with her mouth set in a grim line, and her purple eyes were as hard as an amethyst.

When she saw her looking at me, however, her eyes softened and she placed her soft hand on my slightly calloused ones. "Yul… be careful around Andrei, alright? He isn't what he used to be either." Isn't what he used to be? Were all my family members changing? I nodded my head and Mama continued, "I tried warning Papa before, but he wouldn't listen to me." Then, in a lower voice, "Andrei would be the death of him soon, and your father will regret turning a deaf ear to my words, but it will be too late then." I couldn't help but open my mouth at that, and "Why?" popped out of my mouth before I could stop myself.

Mama shook her head. "Andrei knows Papa's sole weak spot: us. His family. Knowing Andrei, he would use us against Papa and force him into a corner. You have to be wary of Andrei. I've warned your other brothers already; it's up to them if they choose to listen to me." She got up from her chair and walked out of the banquet hall.

Adrian nudged me. "What was that all about?"

I shrugged. "Andrei and me having to be careful around him?"

Adrian sighed. "Everyone's changing so fast, I can't keep up. Don't change too fast if-when you become the Tsesarevna, big sis?"

I chuckled at that. "I'll try… But I can't be too soft as the Tsesarevna. I'd be preyed upon." Adrian rolled his eyes once but nodded, before asking, "Wanna spar again? Pytor's coming." I groaned. Pytor was the best swordsman amongst us all, and I had lost to him on more than one occasion before. I stacked my cup on my plate before following my brothers out to the training grounds.

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When we got there, Adrian tossed me a wooden spear and grabbed 2 wooden broadswords, one for himself and the other for Pytor. I hefted the spear to test its weight and found that it was pretty lightweight. Judging by the numerous small kinks along its edge, it seemed pretty durable too. I made a quick dash to the changing room to remove my dress, leaving on the lightweight armor that I always wore under my dresses for protection. I strode onto the training field and stood a few meters opposite Adrian and Pytor.

"Am I supposed to battle the two of you at once? I'd lose within a heartbeat!" I hollered.

Adrian shook his head first. "You're fighting me, then Pytor! We're not going at the same time!" I breathed a sigh of relief and crouched down, with my spear at my hip.

The moment I was ready, Adrian let out a bloodcurdling roar and charged, his broadsword held at waist-level and at a 90-degree angle to his body. When he got within striking distance of me, he swung his sword in broad arcs, pushing me back. I noticed that he always swung his sword at the same height, so I somersaulted behind him, using the flat of his sword as a springboard. When I was behind him, I pointed my spear at him and in a fluid movement, used the blunt end of the spear to knock Adrian's temple, rendering him unconscious.

I barely had time to catch my breath before I heard Pytor's footsteps pounding across the field. Pytor held his broadsword up, propped on his shoulder. I spun on my heels and charged with my spear at hip level, the pointy end pointed straight at his groin. When he neared me, Pytor raised his sword high above his head, exposing his torso.

Seizing the opportunity, I swung my spear at his chest, causing him to stumble backward in an effort to dodge my spear. As he lost his balance, he raised his broadsword in an attempt to defend himself from any possible spear strikes, but I was already moving. I lunged forward, spinning my spear in both hands as I went, colliding and knocking his sword out of his hands and his breath out of him, ending off with my spear tip pressed against his neck. I smiled, baring my teeth at him as I did so, warning him against making any sudden moves.

"You 'kay?" I asked him.

"Y-yeah, I'm fine." He paused, and then exclaimed, "That move was brilliant! Who taught you that?"

I opened my mouth to reply and happened to look up. "Oh, speak of the devil." Pytor turned to look and when he turned back, his face was in utter shock as he gasped, "Mamochka?!" I chuckled in reply.

"Th… that's… wow. I thought maybe one of the nobility had taught you-" Pytor stammered.

I shrugged my shoulders elegantly. "They haven't taught me anything except how unreliable most nobility are," I remarked. Pytor winced.

Mama reached us and helped Pytor and Adrian up. "Poor, poor boys," She chuckled. "You must've received quite a beating from Yul." At that, Pytor and Adrian grinned at each other, even though Adrian seemed a bit dazed. "She's getting way better than me, Mama! I wouldn't be surprised if she could beat us both, or even you!" Pytor exclaimed. I gasped upon hearing that.

"I-I would never dare to fight Mama, Pytor-" I started.

"Now, now, I don't turn into a monster when I fight, sweetheart. Why don't you try?" Mama smiled reassuringly at me.

I opened my mouth wordlessly and my spear dropped to my side. "I really don't th-" I was cut off when a dagger appeared in Mama's hands out of the blue and slashed at my throat. I dodged sideways and did a backward flip in an attempt to put some distance between us. Breathing hard and holding my spear across my chest defensively, I yelled, "That wasn't fair, Mama!"

Her purple eyes had turned hard again, and her voice was low when she replied, "The world never plays fair, Tsarevna." She growled the last word. "Learn." I barely had time to crouch before a dart came flying at my head.

"Are you trying to get me killed, Mama?" I gasped.

"If you're a Tsarevna, anything you do will get you killed!" Mama roared, attacking me. I widened my eyes in horror as she moved faster than she ever had, leaving my brothers staring after her openmouthed. I took a deep breath as she neared me, before gearing myself up for a butterfly kick to her head, because only that could stop her in her tracks… except when I did launch my kick, I misjudged and missed her totally, falling flat on my face. Now, it was my turn to growl.

"Play fair, Mama!"

"And what exactly is fair, Tsarevna?" She shouted back. I had no retort for that one.

I gritted my teeth. She wasn't playing fair? Fine. I swung my spear at her feet, which she dodged easily, before I received a jab to my face, which I dodged with millimeters to spare. I could even feel the wind trail behind the blade as it rushed past my face.

Inching my heel back, I could feel the stone wall that marked the borders of the training grounds. I let Mama get close to me, before I leaped up and sprang off the wall. As I did, I yelled at my brothers, "Fall back!" Adrian and Pytor immediately sprang into action, doing the exact opposite of falling back and tackling Mama instead. Mama must've heard them charging headlong at her because she did turn, except she was greeted by Adrian tackling her torso, and Pytor tackling her legs. I grinned and ran up to her as she landed on the ground with a grunt.

I helped Mama up. "You 'kay?" Mama humphed at me and nodded.

"That wasn't fair." She pouted.

"And what exactly is fair, good Tsarina?" I made an exaggerated bow. Mama rolled her eyes. "Using my words against me too, I see." She gave me a side-eye before shaking her head wryly and hugging me. "You've improved."

I blinked. "I have?" She nodded.

"But I couldn't fight you off. I had to get my brothers to help me." I mumbled.

"I was expecting you to run away from me, truth be told. You impressed me by standing your ground. An honorable Tsar or Tsarina never runs away from his or her battles." Mama kissed my cheek, making me blush.

"Thank you, Mama." I beamed at her. Mama smiled at me and said, "Go clean up, Yulia. Your chess tutor is waiting for you." I nodded my head eagerly and rushed off to clean myself up, leaving my two brothers behind to talk to Mama.

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When I got to my study room, my tutor, Miss Aberbach, was already waiting for me, perched on her stool with her owl glasses sitting high on her beak-like nose. I scampered in and hurriedly sat down on the chair opposite her end of the chessboard. "Good afternoon, Miss Aberbach." I gave her a rather wobbly smile. "H-how has your day been?" I continued, but my only reply was a glare.

"You're 2 minutes late." Miss Aberbach sneered. "What are you going to do about it?"

I stared. "Uh… I-I'll make sure to change faster so that I can get here on time, Miss Aberbach?"

She stared at me for a long time before nodding once. "Excellent. Now, look at the position I have given you on your chessboard. How do you get your king out of check?"

I leaned forward to peer at the chessboard. "I… I use the queen to block the check?" I asked hesitantly. Miss Aberbach gave an emphatic 'no'.

"That works, but you're sacrificing more than you really need to. Try again."

"The… oh! I could use the knight, that's protected by the bishop, to block the check! That way, if the opponent decides to capture the knight, my bishop can capture their piece in return!" I exclaimed, earning a nod from Miss Aberbach. She reached over and mixed the pieces over again to form another puzzle.

"Solve this one." She instructed.

I stared at the board, trying to figure this out, except something was wrong with this puzzle. There was a piece missing and it didn't take me long to figure out the kings on both sides were now both gone. "Where're the kings, Miss Aberbach?" She shrugged in reply, a sharp jerk of her shoulders that bore no answers. "I can't play on without both the kings present, Miss Aberbach. It's the rules, right?" I continued.

"No, you can, and yes, it is. Play on with the queens as the kings. Win the game." Miss Aberbach jabbed the table and waited for me to make the first move.

When the game was over and I had won with only my queen and a rook left on the board, Miss Aberbach placed the two missing kings back on the board. "What did I want you to learn from this game today, Tsarevna?"

I mulled that one over. "Queens can be as powerful as kings are?"

"More powerful." She corrected. "What else?"

I tapped the table as I thought through the whole game. "You don't have any pieces left and I barely have two. It's a hard fight for a woman when they're leading, but it's worth it in the end?"

"That and the fact that lesser pieces are more useful than you think. With all due respect, Tsarevna, I've found that servants and commoners know more than the royalty think they do, and the nobility are usually clueless about almost everything of great importance." She stood up. "Always pick your allies wisely," she tapped the rook, "Because they can make or break you. I know which one I'd pick." I blinked. That was a whole lot of hidden meanings behind this one chess game. "Come, Tsarevna. I'll bring you to your Literature tutor." I gave an inward sigh and followed her out of the study room to the Winter Gardens.