10 1.10

I woke up to find myself covered partially by a soft silk blanket. Patrina and Lada seemed to be having quite an animated conversation, from what I heard, and Peter was washing by the pond. The sun peeked from behind fluffy clouds and the trees waved slightly in the zephyr that blew across the Garden. I gave a happy sigh and sat up, drawing the attention of my ladies-in-waiting who promptly rushed over.

"Good morning, Your Highness," Patrina said as she brushed my hair from my face. "How did you sleep?"

I smiled at her before replying, "I slept well despite… yesterday's events, Patrina." I adjusted my dress. "How did you all sleep?" I called so that Peter could hear me. He didn't reply but he sent a thumbs-up my way.

Lada turned around from where she was tidying up the picnic basket. "I didn't sleep well, Tsesarevna. I kept waking up at every rustle of the leaves." She pointed at her eye bags and I winced but before I could say a word, she continued, "BUT—I'm functioning perfectly well, which me—"

I cut her off. "The first physician said you need sufficient rest, Lada. And that's what you're getting when we get back. Rest. And no arguments—because I'm knocking you out if that means you get proper rest." I huffed at her, half expecting her to retort back. Instead, she nodded and dipped her head as she curtsied.

I nodded in satisfaction and squinted at the sky. "Have the others gone back yet?" I asked no one in particular.

Patrina arranged my high collar for me. "Most of them have headed back… apparently, day 2 of your birthday festivals include a whole lot of drinking—which we thankfully do not need to join in, thank goodness." She fussed and clucked over my dress before saying, "It's almost noon, Tsesarevna. We should be going back soon—and no offense, my Lady, but you do need a shower when you get back." I chuckled and nodded my head in agreement.

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Two hours later, after a relaxing bath in white rose water, I was on my bed, opening a scroll holder that a messenger had delivered to my room. The message that I saw was from Mama, which read:

Andrei is about to be executed by your father; if you do not go to the throne room immediately he has no hopes of survival. Go and see what you can do. Best of luck be with you.

My blood chilled. Papa was going to execute Andrei? On the day right after my birthday? Things were going from okay-ish to bad to worse at a terrifying rate.

"Patrina?" I called out. Footsteps came pattering around the corner and Patrina popped into view. "Yes, Your Highness? You asked for me?" she asked.

I nodded, dumped the scroll holder and the message on the bed, and charged right out of the room, dragging Patrina right behind me. Andrei was not getting executed, no matter what sins he had committed before. I reached the throne room in record time and shouted at the guards to let me through at once.

"Make way for Her Royal Highness, Tsesarevna Krysovenko!" One of the servants just inside the throne room shouted as I dashed through and skidded to a stop at Papa's throne. I just avoided bumping into Andrei, who knelt before Papa.

I took a deep breath. "What's the meaning of this, Father?"

"He supposedly tried to steal one of the guards' daggers, or so I was told, Tsesarevna—"

"Well, which fool told you that? The guards' daggers are always hung on the front of their belts—for Andrei to have attempted to steal one in his weakened state—I don't know, Father. It just doesn't make sense."

"I know, but I'm believing Pytor over Andrei, Yul—"

"Pytor? He's alright?" I raised my eyebrows. Papa stared at me.

"What is that supposed to mean, Tsesarevna?" Papa said softly.

I took a deep breath and spoke, "Yesterday, when I was being attacked by an assassin from Tyümen, the Draig Regnistals were looking for my fellow brothers to protect them in case they were being attacked too. Tsarevich Adrian was found, but not Tsarevich Pytor. I was told he disappeared without telling anyone where he went."

Papa leaned forward. "So, you're saying that Pytor decided to disappear too? How convenient… are you really that scared of your brothers taking over your throne, Tsesarevna?"

I wrinkled my nose. "What does that mean? Why should I be so scared of my brothers that I would be trying to make them disappear? They can't even beat me in a fair fight, for crying out loud!"

Papa scoffed. "Excuses, excuses, excuses. All the females here are just like you. Finding excuses and deflecting blame instead of owning up." I felt my cheeks heating up. I was not finding excuses—and how dare he generalize like that! Sure enough, Mama stood up.

"My Lord! How could you say something like—" she began.

"Like what, Tsarina?" Papa spun and glared at Mama. I stared in shock. This was not the Papa I knew, and the courtiers seemed to agree too, judging by what I heard from their whispers. "Be it you or the other women, you're all always finding excuses for everything. Everything!"

"Other women?" Mama whispered. Right on cue, the courtiers let out a shocked gasp.

Papa laughed. It wasn't a nice sound. "I don't want to be in bed with a woman who lets herself go." Right there and then, one of the Thains, Thain Nicholai, stood up.

"My Liege, with all due respect, you did swear on the Slyevskaya that you would only be faithful to one woman, and that one woman is Her Royal Majesty, Tsarina Adelgunde. Do you not believe in Slyev, my Lord? Or—" Thain Nicholai hissed, "—have you forgotten your promise? In that case, I remind you again, your Majesty, on behalf of the whole court."

Papa shook his head and said calmly, "And I think you've forgotten your place, Thain Nicholai." He turned to Mama and continued, "Get out. GET OUT!"

I gasped. Not letting a Tsarina take part in the court proceedings was… my gosh. I clapped my hands to my mouth. "Father, you can't do that! It's—" I began but he cut me off.

"Guards! Take the Tsarina and the Tsesarevna back to their rooms! They distract the court too much." Papa gestured at the guards, and a guard appeared on each side of Mama and me. Before I could even utter a word, I felt myself being dragged out of the throne room. Mama allowed herself to be led back to her room with her ladies-in-waiting right behind her, but I scratched, kick, bit, and screamed at any bit of skin that was exposed to me.

By the time I got back to my room, I was disheveled and totally not looking like a crown princess, but I paid no heed. Shouting in rage, I grabbed the scroll holder and hurled it at the door, nearly hitting Patrina in the head as she rushed in after me. I snatched the candle off my bedside table and smashed it against the wall. I would have grabbed my books too if Patrina hadn't grabbed my arm to stop me from throwing any more things. My shouting soon turned into sobs and I slumped against Patrina's body, drained of all energy to fight against her hold.

"Tsesarevna, calm down, calm down—" she said as she patted my back. I sobbed and my shoulders still shook with remnants of rage.

"Why did he have to say that? I'm pretty sure he hurt Mama's feelings." I asked through my tears and a rather dribbly nose.

I felt Patrina shrug. "I wouldn't know, Tsesarevna, but yes, I'm sure she would be very upset.' I sniffled when I heard that.

"I knew he had changed, but such a big change, Patrina? This isn't even Papa anymore. He wouldn't say what he said." I hiccuped.

Patrina sighed and tried to make my hair neat again. "People change, Tsesarevna. And not always for the better." She pulled my head close to her chest and hugged me. "And that is also why the nobles and the people want you to take over from Emperor Krysovenko as soon as possible."

"I'm not inciting a rebellion." I sat up straight and pouted.

"I didn't say you needed a rebellion to take the throne, Tsesarevna," Patrina said gently, "You just need to convince the people to wait till Papa is forced to step—"

"And how is he going to be forced to step down?"

"When the people are so unhappy with him that he must step down or risk the Kingdom collapsing right on his head, Tsesarevna."

I chuckled as I wiped my nose. "I think the people are already that unhappy, dear Patrina."

She smiled gently back at me. "Then you won't have to wait long. When he abdicates, you just need to swoop in and claim your birthright. No?" I nodded and Patrina helped me up. "I'll help you get a new candle, alright? I can't light that one," Patrina said and promptly hurried out of the room, leaving me alone.

I walked over to the shelf where I kept my empty parchments and pulled a blank piece of parchment out. Grabbing my inkbottle, I dipped my quill in the ink and wrote:

When the world turns

If not like a pillar you stand

where you are grounded

Then you'll be knocked over

forced to conform

if only to fit what society expects.

Aye, that sounded about right. Wasn't everything that Papa mentioned a stereotype of the typical Aesfomlaerean woman? I knew I was a world away from those stereotypes, but I would never change who I am. I took a deep breath, wiped away my tears, and straightened my shoulders. I was 18 already. I had to be a woman for myself and for those I cared about.

I reasoned to myself that at this point in time, I had three choices. I could either choose to discredit Papa slowly, forcefully take the throne, or I could just choose to wait. I knew full well the people wanted me on the throne instead of Papa, but I was not going to risk the wrath of his supporters, however few they may be, because even though the truth might be in the dark now, it will always come to light.

I decided upon waiting for Papa to meet his natural end, and prayed that in the meantime, no one would be foolish enough to try and murder him, because then, there could always be a chance that I would be discredited. In the meantime, as I stared at my poem, I reasoned to myself that I could build my authority and credibility in the meantime. A Tsarina or an Emperor's duty is to stay away from tyranny and capture the hearts of people, helping them work towards building a Kingdom that all will love. It would be hard, I told myself, but it could be done. I just had to stay strong.