6 Chapter 6 - Severus

Only a few weeks left until the new school year started. Severus decided to go back to Hogwarts early, as Spinner's End brought back too many unwanted memories. Plus, he didn't feel like it was ever his home.

The Headmaster sensed as the wizard walked through the protective barriers. He was particularly surprised to see it was Severus who came to visit. On the other hand, he was joyous for his presence.

Severus unpacked the little things he had, and decided to give Albus a visit.

When he got to the gargoyle, it saw him and moved straight away revealing the staircase. The professor was thankful, having not had to have wasted time listing thousands of muggle sweets before getting the correct password. He made his way up, his steps almost silent (a skill that remains with him from his years as a spy).

"Severus, son! What a surprise!"

Of course Albus was already aware of his coming, Severus thought. He chuckled as the Headmaster gave him a tight hug.

A few years ago, he would have flinched amd hexed the person who dare touch him... But nowadays, he has gotten used to physical contact. He is starting to feel loved; he is starting to feel happy.

"It's good to see you too Albus." Severus patted the old man's back.

When they pulled away, he could see Albus' eyes shined with something more than joy: tears. The Potions Master's concern level rose unwillingly.

"Is something wrong?"

The old man just smiled and shook his head, taking his seat in the once wooden chair, that he has redesign to be comfortable and soft. He wiped his wrinkled fingers over his eyes, placing the half-moon glasses on his desk.

"I just... I never thought anyone would visit me in my old age. I'm very happy to see you. I've never thought I'd experience such a feeling."

Severus sat a bit shocked as his truthful words, even if it wasn't the first time Albus spoke like this. Nevertheless, he felt the need to give a truthful confession back.

"I think... I never actually thanked you." he muttered embarrassed, feeling strange opening up to someone.

"For what my boy? You have nothin-"

Severus held up his hand pausing him.

"Let me try and finish. Please." he received an encouraging nod and continued, "I want to thank you for many things. I had a moment of reflection yesterday and I noted how important you are in my life."

Albus sat listening, almost afraid and eager at the same time to hear what the dark man is to say next.

"You were obviously here when I attended, and you were the only one who chose to punish the.. Marauders, when.. When you know... they did something."

A painful look came across Severus' face, as images flashed in his mind. Luckily, he was able to push them away with his occlumency and carry on after a pause.

"I don't know if you remember, but I do, when I got my dark mark... that same night you called me to your office. It was late, but you knew everything. You weren't angry though. No. You just tried to talk some sense into me. You even comforted me after my first kill. I don't understand how or why you did that." the professor breathed.

"You remember that?" the Headmaster asked surprised.

"Yes. Yeah, I do. I... I never forgot. That's why, when I made my next mistake, I knew you would help."

Albus realised how Severus talked with so much hope, as if he was reliving his then felt emotions.

"I'm sorry... You trusted me. I failed you."

"No Dad, no. It wasn't your fault. You did the best you could. You warned the Potters and they were the ones who chose to put their fate into the hands of the wrong person."

Severus didn't even notice the title he gave Albus, until he looked up and the other was now sobbing. He never thought he would call anyone 'dad'. However, Albus fit the title, and he already called him 'son'.

"You don't mind me calling you that, right?" his lost childself resurfaced, as Severus anxiously asked.

"Of course not. No. Carry on, son."

"As I was saying, you always believed that I was a good person. You never cared of my mistakes. You were always there for me. You let me cry about Lily, even though you were well aware I never had a chance with her. You let me love her and grieve her without judgement."

The Headmaster calmly nodded in acknowledgement. He never knew Severus thought so highly of him.

"You gave me a second chance. No, let me rephrase that. You gave me many chances. You let me stay at Hogwarts. And then the Potter boy came." he sneered the end, remembering the hatred towards the boy throughout his first years.

"You put him through hell, true. You had a weird way of preparing him for war and death, true. On the other hand, that's what made me see how more like his mother he is and how talented he is. Those years were crazy Dad. We both know. But you kept me from insanity or even death."

Albus sighed, knowing his son was not giving himself enough credit, yet let him carry on.

"When you told me... About your hand. When you showed me.." his voice faded as he let his own tears escape, "I was so scared. I was terrified I would lose you. The Dark lord was back, and just everything. And on top, you were to die within months. I couldn't let you. I couldn't."

The elder made his towards the man he had never believed he'd see cry, and kneeled next to him. Severus had his head in his hands, wanting to hide. He wanted to stop, but at the same time, it actually felt a bit lifting to have someone to talk to. To have someone who actually listens and cares.

"I know, son. I know."

"My first thought was suicide." he whispered barely audibly.

A gasp let Severus know that his words were heard.

"Don't worry Dad. I didn't... I didn't attempt. My next thoughts were you. I didn't want to die knowing you'd die too. It sounds stupid, but I just wanted to save you. And.. And survive the war together. You didn't deserve to die then. No. You needed to live, and I was needed for that. To keep you alive and safe."

Dumbledore had no words left. He knew Severus went through dark times, although for some reason, ending himself never crossed the man's mind. Maybe he weren't so attentive and aware after all.

"Did you ever..."

Albus sighed not knowing whether he really wants to know the answer or not. Eventually, he regained himself and asked anyway.

"Did you ever, purposefully, harm yourself Severus?" he pronounced each word slowly and gracefully.

No response came at first, then a small nod.

"Oh son." Albus sidehugged him tighter, not wanting to question further.

"I'm sorry." a broken voice came from the dark man.

"It's okay. It's okay." the father hushed.