To This Day

Not even the sound of the TV on full volume could drown out the chaotic yelling that echoed through my house. The atmosphere of the morning intensified by a boy running from room to room attempting to get away from his family. I vividly remember the feeling of running from them as they wanted to mess with my look as this was a frequent occurrence. As I ran I came to the stairs and exhaustedly I sighed "finally" escaping, only to realize it was about time to leave, I sighed again. In a somber manner I went for the stairs knowing my cousins were soon to walk through the door. As I sat at the top of the stairs and listened to the chaos, I felt strangely lonely.

A knock on the door silences the house. I rushed to the door and opened it with what I thought would be a fun way to mess with my cousins. Being the little kid I was I hid behind the door and opened it slowly only to jump out from behind to scare them. This did not have effect I was looking for as they just stared at me like I was an idiot, so I ended up crawling back to the empty staircase I came from. That lonely staircase I spent so much of my time on, just to get away from my crazy family. The yelling slowly climbed in volume again as we were about to leave and I was the only one ready like always. All fifteen of us slowly piled into one car. It was almost like clowns piling into a clown car until there was no room left for air. There were way to many people in on vehicle for it to be legal but the only way we could all fit was to pile on top of each other. I soon found myself squashed against the door waiting to get out.

The drive was rather long and unbearably silent. Only a few words were spoken as we went along. As it was only a forty minute drive there were no bathroom or food brakes making it more aggravating. When we arrive I heard my mother say "all right everyone out." this meant one thing to me; "Fooooooood!" I yelled putting on my facade of a kid when all I really wanted was to be by myself. I quickly grabbed some of the food that my grandparents set up before we even got there. I walked over and sat on one of the swings at a nearby playground away from everyone else, and looked towards the woods near us. The woods were a beautiful shade of orange as it was that time of year. The endless expanse of trees drew me in almost as if calling me. I quickly snapped out of it though as I saw my family enjoying their meal but was too caught up in myself at the time to bother spending time with them so I stayed to myself, quiet and lonely.

I wanted to just sit there for the remainder of the time there, so I would not have to deal with the annoying walking or the yelling of my cousins. I sat on the unmoving swing watching my family move around while talking to the rest of my extended family. Though I soon got called over by the sound of my family yelling "Time for family pictures." Every family immediately split up to go take pictures with just their family. My parent always told me to enjoy these pictures as they are only something that happens once a year or less. I slowly got up from the swing, threw my paper plate away, and walked over there. I remember the feeling of these pictures all to well. I was angry I had to come, annoyed to be there, but mostly I was just happy it would be another year until the next ones and my attitude showed it. I slowly walked with my family as everyone picked a place they wanted to take pictures at. Slowly one by one we chose our favorite spot, posed and got pictures taken when it was my turn I started to find a place for the family pictures when my father pulled me to the side. "Smile." he said, "You never know when you will have the opportunity to have pictures like this again." This usually didn't mean much to me as he said it almost every year, but this time I felt the sadness in his voice and decided I would endure the annoying walking and the yelling of my cousins at least for a little while. After my picture the family got together for another picture. The kids had no say in were they stood or what pose they did. Which was annoying but I was used to it. Finally I heard the click of a camera and relaxed thinking that it was finally over. The picture was one were it was, like always, tallest in the back and shortest in the front. Just your typical family picture except for the endless amount of trees in the background. As I prepared myself to go each family came together and chose their favorite spot and started to get into a position. Once again that annoyed feeling rose up in me but I forced it down for one last picture. Everyone's pose was changed again and again because they "weren't right." After several times the picture came out and was finally approved by everyone.

After pictures were over everyone said their goodbyes as we headed are separate ways. The car ride practically repeated itself only stopping to let our cousins out slightly don the street from our house. The unbearable silence still persisted though this time without the cramped space. This didn't bother me as much this time though as I decided from now on I would enjoy our annual family pictures even if I had to fake it. This was the last family photo we took. The symbol of my first promise I never could keep. It wasn't long after the photo my parents suddenly divorced leaving their kids in shock. Everyone had their own reaction to it but for me I lost something that day. To this day I regret the annoyed way I treated my family. To this day I regret refusing to enjoy those family pictures. To this day I feel the the emptiness that those family activities left behind. All because I could never enjoy the time I had with everyone while I still could.