13 Trapped in emotions
I kept studying, but nothing productive came out of it.
No matter how much hours I put in my studies, the result was not up to the benchmark.
My mother was not helping any better. She kept pressurizing me to study hard.
Her daily lectures were messing up with my mind.
I felt so trapped in my emotions. These emotions were surrounded by the thick smoke of pressure.
The pressure that I felt upon myself.
The pressure towards my career.
Most importantly the pressure on my self worth.
Slowly and slowly my old and mutual friends with Edward became distant with me.
And I know the reason, they were his colleagues now.... they had internship, went to class together, they had the same routine as Edward.
I was no where at this point of my career.
I had no intership like them.
They worked in multi national company.
And deep down I knew, I wasn't their part anymore....
And that hurt me bad.....very bad...
And it seems the universe was hell bent to make my worse fear come true..
My mutual friends were going on a trip together.
I knew all of them, yet I was replaced by Tanya...
The trip was more like a couple's trip, only Edward called himself single... but Tanya tagged along anyway...
One of my friend, Angelena was suprised to see me absent from the trip.
Angelena was pursuing a new career like me, her boyfriend Andy supported her through thick and thin.
Andy was best buddies with Edward and was a good friend to me.
Angelena was a sweet and humble girl. She loved Andy with all her heart and I was very happy with her relationship. Andy was just the perfect man for her...
After the trip, Angelena texted me....
We caught up with our lives....
We shared so many good memories of past with each other...
Soon the talk about the trip came... and dread filled me when she spoke about it.
I held my breath and let her finish.
I couldn't believe my ears...
Tanya had purposely dragged my name into conversation....
She asked Edward out loud in front of my friends whether he would get back with me..??
How could she?
That's a personal matter...
She has no right to intervene into my relationship.
My subconscious silently reminded me, ex - relationship..
I couldn't care less about my subconscious right now...
What made me more angry was Edward's reply...
"I will never get back with her."
That was a catalyst to my anger and pain.
HOW DARE HE ?
His reply had indefinitely implanted doubts about me in front of our friends.
I felt so ashamed....
Was I not his type now????
Was I not worth a second chance???
There was no one to answer it, only silence loomed over my mind...
And that meant, the answer was 'Yes'
Pain. Pain. Pain. Pain.
That's all I felt....
Angelena brought me back to life again...
She truthfully said me, "Bella, you deserve someone better. Trust me, don't go back now. He has changed... umm... Tanya and Edward they have feelings for each other... anyone can see it."
I could barely accept it. The truth was in front of me...
Angelena never lied, she was always honest and straightforward, along with being sweet and humble girl.
"I need an entire night, to get him out of my system..." I said in a crying voice.
I need to let it go....needed to let my heart cry at it's loss of owner.
I needed at least...one whole night to cry myself to oceans.
Angelena was very comforting, "Trust me Bella. You are worth more. Each one of us believes it... Even Andy does and all Edward's friends as well. They all know what you went through..."
"How would they know..??"
"They knew he was partying out and meeting his friends, while he constantly refused to meet you for eight months..." she said biting her lips, I knew she didn't want to hurt me more, but she was actually trying to help me out.
She was trying to get me out from the clutches of HOPE.
The hope of Edward getting back with me...
She was right...
Even Susan was right....
So was Jake, Pearl and Prat (my school friend)..
There was no HOPE. He wasn't coming back....
On this realization....
My stubborn heart, became as still as dead..
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