12 The new girl in his life

Wake up. Eat. Study . Eat . Classes. Eat. Play. Eat. Cry. Sleep. Repeat....

That was my schedule...

But wait, I forgot something... "Phone"

My cellphone was my biggest ally as well as enemy.

Most of my lonely days were spent in my phone's company. I'm sure it knows my whole history now..

Even google cannot erase it.

Listening to songs, reading romantic books, writing my soul into notes, stalking my ex. That was all I did.

I didn't realize how I had cut myself off from my close family and friends.

Break- up was hard, but I didn't realize I was actually turning it into a stone.

Slowly I started noticing how my best friend Alexis was now distant to me.

But she was little distant to me even back then, when she met her new friends. Spent her days happily with them, than with me.

I knew her new friends, they were good but still they used drink, curse bad words... with which I wasn't comfortable.

And it had an effect on Alexis too, she used to swear on every little thing and majority of the time she used to be angry and bossy.

I had have enough of her attitude. I remember how I said her to be little cautious, instead she turned to me and let her irritation out.

Since that day, I let her be herself.

If she don't want to take my advice, then let her be herself, who am I to stop her...?

I was hurt by her behavior deeply, but now I needed to focus on myself and the positive people around me.

Only Susan, Jake and Pearl were my closest friends. They don't know each other personally, but all of them cared for me and spoke to me everyday.

Pearl used to call me everytime and tell me about how her day went, what she ate, how her internship was going on... She kept me busy from isolation, in a way.....

I loved to hear her talking about her life, she used to ask me mine, but I hardly had anything interesting going on in my life.

She was very straightforward person, she told me to work on myself, focus on my career.

She was a wonderful friend, and I knew she will be there for me.

Isolation and depression was actually taking a big toll on me at nights. I used to cry myself to sleep. The pain was just unbearable.

"Edward" my subconscious used to always murmur...

All my insecurities used to trap me, bound me to my bed. I felt so suffocated, grasping for air...

I didn't realize that, it was my life that was grasping for happiness...

The happiness which I deprived it of...

I wanted to let it go....

But how?...

I shared my secrets with Susan. She was my most trustworthy and closest friend, besides Pearl, Jake and Alexis.

Susan used to hear my pain and pleas, it wasn't in her nature to be online or active on social media, but she always made an exception when it came to me.

She stayed online for hours and spoke to me...

I was amazed at my friend's collectiveness and calmess. The most logical answers used to come from her, undoubtedly.

Her words were true, but it pierced me with knife.

"He would never come back... If he left you once, he can do that again."

That was very true, Edward would not come back now. He was recently linked up with another girl named "Tanya"

When I asked him about her, he clearly denied but our mutual friends knew the truth. 'Edward was attracted to Tanya.'

The pain was more unbearable now..

The truth was infront of me, yet I found it impossible to 'Accept'.

"You need to let him go" Susan's words interrupted my cries.

She was correct, I need to let him go for good now..

But will I ever be able to live in peace with that?

Letting him go...?

Without me...?

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