The girl who tried to beat him

Namjoon,

Fu**, I'm not cheesy. I don't do this sh** often.

Actually, I never do this sh**.

It's been years since we were in school together. It's been bloody ages since the University Entrance Exams.

I'm sorry we never spoke after that day.

I'm still slaving away here at medical school right now while you're out there creating waves in countries I can only dream of visiting.

Your 'Harry Potter' accent is still terrible, by the way. Get over yourself, Joonie. You know I'd be rolling my eyes at you right now.

~ back to my story ~

The four years we sat on the same bench at school will always be the most memorable of my youth.

You probably think I hated you throughout, and I guess I'm just bitter about how we left off. The truth is, I'd never get to where I am today, had you not pushed me to keep trying to beat you.

Some people just have a natural gift towards academics. I never did.

So I took the easy way out and pretended to hate you for it.

Four years you tolerated my swearing and frustration at making it second in class while you aced with ease.

I remember I got this calculus question wrong on the final during our last year and sat in class trying to figure it out during the break time because I was so fu**ing arrogant.

You came over and tried to explain. But I threw my red converse highs at your face.

I made your nose bleed. But you still laughed.

Why were you always so nice to me?

You always tried to share your MP3 player with the eminem raps on repeat with me during our bus rides home to cheer me up whenever I was upset about coming second yet again.

I used to always chide you for trying to rub your first position in my face.

I remember the month before the University Entrance Exams. I spent everyday in the library. 18 hours. Every single day. The pressure from my family was insane.

I had to make the top 1% to get into medical school. I just had to. My dad was sick, but you didn't know that.

Walking home from the library every evening, I'd see you in the park practicing the new rap you wrote. And I was convinced you wouldn't make it to the top this time.

I was wrong. I missed the top 1% by 3 points. But you made it.

As usual.

I remember standing at the notice board where the results were posted. I remember seeing your name up there.

I wasn't angry at all. I was really, really proud of you. I was amazed by you. You were so talented.

At everything.

You walked over to me, and congratulated me for my score. I mean, I was pretty good too, hey?

And suddenly the rage just washed over me. You didn't even need that place in the top 1%! You couldn't even fathom how this would affect me!

I'm sorry I didn't reply to you. I ignored you for the first time.

And for the last time.

I'm sorry I made you feel responsible for my dissatisfaction.

The truth is, I was too scared to show you how weak I could be. You just knew me for the fighter that I was.

Later someone withdrew their score and I was moved up by one position, putting me in the top 1%.

Thank you, Namjoon.

Saranghaeyo.

I'm sorry and I miss you. After all these years.

- The girl who tried to beat you