5 It wasn't out of love

Heat crept up and burned onto Lucyndth's face. He backed up and stopped when his calves hit the frame of Xinyung's bed.

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to intrude. You were go-gone for a while." Lucyndth looked up at Xinyung's intimidating eyes and immediately looked back down as his feet. "You ha-have a nice room!" He scratched the back of his head and laughed nervously.

Xinyung rolled his eyes and grabbed Lucyndth's arm to lead him to the door, causing Lucyndth to trip and stumble behind him. "If you have nothing to say, here's the door."

He shoved Lucyndth out of the door and glared at him, "It would be nice if you would not snoop around where your nose doesn't belong." Xinyung took a second to glance at Lucyndth's petite body nervously shivering and flushed face. "I'll end up making you regret it." A sly smirk crept on Xinyung's face before he slammed the door.

Lucyndth stood there for a few minutes, fiddling with his fingers- not knowing what to do. The entire situation was awkward. He didn't mean to invade Xinyung's room like that.

Lucyndth didn't want to think about it anymore, so he made his way to the small room he woke up in that morning. He decided that he might as well start calling it his room. No one knows how long he'll be staying there.

The sun finally started to set, giving Lucyndth's room a beautiful gold tint. Warm colors bled through the sky light. Lucyndth sat in front of the mirror, not knowing what else to do. He wanted to be confident in his looks but he was supposed to be a boy. For some reason, there was no indication that he was male.

Everything that was supposed to be there, wasn't. It was like he was running low on testosterone. Can a person even run low on that? Isn't it supposed to be genetic? Lucyndth rubbed the spot on his neck where his adam's apple was supposed to be and felt nothing but a slight lump. It isn't as noticeable as it should be.

When he spoke, his voice was soft. He sounded like a shy child even when he tried to be aggressive. The stuttering made it worse, though Lucyndth believed that the speaking problem was getting better by the hour.

Lucyndth laid back and spread his limbs out on the floor like a starfish, seemingly in deep thought but not thinking about anything in particular. The thought of him being a woman came up in his mind. He'd be a pretty girl. No, not pretty, but a beautiful girl.

It's like the universe built him to be a woman and then said "How about we switch it up a little?" by giving him a cock instead of an entrance like every other woman.

He was tired of being like this, hating his own gender. He wanted to be a full girl. He wanted to know how it felt to bare children. He wanted-

Lucyndth shuddered at the thought. He wanted to know how a man felt. Lucyndth's face turned red at the things that popped up into his mind. Does that mean he's gay? What does that mean? What could it possibly mean!?

Lucyndth wanted to fill the shoes of man, of course! It's not like he wasn't okay with being a guy or anything. The thought of having a wife one day did cross his mind while he was roaming around the library. He would like to have a woman depend on him and trust him with her heart and safety, but could he really give that to her?

Could he really promise her to protect her and give her the world when he can barely protect himself? Would a girl even find someone like Lucyndth "manly" enough to be husband material!?

Xinyung walked into Lucyndth's room, only to find him curled up in the fetal position with his hands on his rosy red cheeks. He looked extremely distressed and in really deep thought. A look of fear was glazed across his eyes.

"Are you...okay?" Xinyung closed the door behind him, not taking his eyes off of Lucyndth.

Lucyndth snapped out of his daze and looked up at Xinyung who was now fully clothed with basketball shorts and a white T-shirt. "Xinyung! I'm going to ask you a question. Answer me honestly. From one man to ... whatever gender I'm supposed to be."

Xinyung looked at Lucyndth with confusion at the last sentence but nodded, urging him to continue.

Lucyndth stood up and walked over to Xinyung, looking him straight in the eye. "Would I be better off as a woman?"

Xinyung only stared at Lucyndth blankly as a response. Lucyndth started fiddling with his fingers- not knowing what Xinyung was going to say next.

"I don't think you'll be better off as anything. No one should feel like they'd be better off as a different gender just to satisfy people around them. If you think you'd feel better to be classified as a girl, than that's your choice and I'll stand by it. You're perfectly fine the way you are in my opinion."

Xinyung almost reached to comfort Lucyndth, but pulled his hand back and decided not to give into the urge to cradle Lucyndth in his arms. Why did he always have the urge to do that? Maybe he just has a friendly nature.

"Why do you ask? What's up?" Xinyung leaned back into door and propped up his foot.

"When I look in the mirror I...I don't know what I see. I imagine being a stranger who had seen me for the first time a-and I can see why they'd mistake me as a girl." Lucyndth took his eyes off of Xinyung to look at himself in the mirror.

"What do you want to be? What makes you the most comfortable?"

"Well… Can you even imagine me having a wife? Is it possible to see me as a doting husband that provides for his family?"

Xinyung thought for a second and smiled softly, "I see you more as the wife. Why can't you be a doting husband… waiting for your providing husband to come home to you?"

Lucyndth pondered on the idea. Being a husband or boyfriend doesn't mean you have to be manly. You can be more of the girl of the relationship.

Xinyung chuckled at what seemed to be his own thoughts. He gave a playful smile, changing the atmosphere of the room. "That's what we call bottom energy right there!"

Lucyndth looked at Xinyung in confusion. Bottom energy? What was that? That didn't even make sense to Lucyndth.

After seeing Lucyndth's questioning expression he was finally able to confirm that Lucyndth was one hundred percent innocent. There wasn't a single dirty-minded bone in his body!

"Wow! You're innocent!" Xinyung laughed. "You can stay up here while I go make a couple of sandwiches and get the books you need to look over for the blood deal. It'll only be a second." Xinyung glanced out of the sky light, "I need to hurry anyway. I have something I think you'll like!"

Xinyung left Lucyndth sitting on his bed, still thinking about what Xinyung had said earlier. Lucyndth thought about it- him cooking and cleaning the house and then running up into his husband's arms when he got home from work. His husband would love all of his flaws and accept whatever past Lucyndth had. They'd live in a big house. A really big house.

Only now did Lucyndth realise that he might be a little materialistic. It's not a gold digger type of mind-set, more like a "I want everything in the world, but I won't put my feelings ahead of others" kind of mindset. If his husband couldn't afford them a mansion, then he'd be more than happy to stay in a small cottage on the top of a hill somewhere far away from people.

Lucyndth enjoyed this idea more than having a wife. He was almost certain that this is what he wanted.

He laid back on the soft sheets of his bed and spoke to himself, "As soon as I find my place and learn about my past, I'm going to find the love of my life." He smiled, but was interrupted by Xinyung bursting through the door with two ham sandwiches, a can of pop,a wool blanket, and three books.

"Come on, we need to hurry before the sun goes all the way down!" He then backed out the door. Lucyndth took that as an invitation to follow.

Xinyung walked quickly down the hall and turned left, revealing another small walkway that led to a window. Lucyndth noticed it earlier while he was searching for Xinyung, but didn't pay it much attention. Xinyung put down the items and walked over to the window and unlocked it before opening it.

It was big enough for him and Lucyndth to fit through, but Lucyndth didn't see anywhere for Xinyung to stand on. His heart skipped a beat seeing Xinyung nonchalantly hopping through the window. His feet landed on the roof to the building. He waved for Lucyndth to follow.

"While you're at it, could you hand me all the stuff?"

Lucyndth obediantly did as he was told and grabbed the items to hand to Xinyung before stepping out of the window himself.

They were on top of the roof of the building facing the boardwalk and beach. Most of the people were taking strolls on the beach. It was beautiful. The sunset was barely peeking over the edge of the water.

"I wanted to give you a break from all the stress. My father and I put a lot of responsibility and expectation on you. I wanted to start training you for our trip to the underworld without putting too much on your plate, so I decided to do some light studies on the roof. It really lightens up the mood, don't you think?" Xinyung smiled while looking at the open water.

Lucyndth covered his knees with his oversized shirt and nodded.

Xinyung handed him a sandwich and picked up one of the books he brought out with them. He opened the book to a page and laid it in between the two of them.

"What we need to figure out first is what you're core element is." He then pulled out six crystals. A black one, an orangish red one, a milky green one, A clear one, a cyan one, and a white one. Afterwards, he pulled out a small jar of brown ink.

Lucyndth watched in wonder as Xinyung painted symbols on his hand. Xinyung took a bite of his sandwich before he spoke, "Now, this is how this is going to work. You will pick up each crystal. They will radiate light. The more light that it radiates, the more you'll be able to handle that element. Which ever one gives off the most light is your core element. This will also give some insight on your past too! I'm sure that you are Dökkt vatn. That's the only thing that could explain your tattoo."

Xinyung pointed to the first crystal, indicating that Lucyndth should start. He picked up the cyan colored one first. It radiated a good amount of light. Xinyung smiled.

"That's the Naiad blood in you. That crystal is the water element. It seems like you have good control over it."

Lucyndth smiled awkwardly before grabbing another crystal. This time it was the clear crystal. No light came from it. If there was any light, than it was extremely dim. A wave of disappointment flashed across Lucyndth's face. Xinyung rushed to comfort him.

"Don't be sad! It's okay to not have one element. I'd be surprised if you had more than three. Some people only have one. That one was the wind element anyway. The most boring one in my opinion."

Lucyndth rushed to the milk green one. The color was extremely pleasing to Lucyndth's eyes. It might just be his favorite color. It lit up and shone just as bright as the water element.

"Wow! I'm guessing you're pure Dökkt vatn! Those are rare these days. Usually they're mixed with some elf or demon here and there, but it seems like you're full on Dökkt vatn. That crystal was the earth one. The light being balanced out with the water element shows that you're pure Dökkt vatn. How about the next one."

Lucyndth put down the earth crystal and picked up the fire one. A dim light came from the small fire crystal. Lucyndth smiled. He could guess that one was the fire element and he really wanted to have control over it, even if it was just a little control.

Xinyung smiled, "So we have some fire mixed in there too. It may not be a lot, but I'm sure we can do small spells with it. The fire spells are what I'm going to teach you first since they're going to be easy."

Lucyndth picked up the white crystal and wasn't surprised to see no light coming from it. He was already content with the amount of elements he had.

"That was the light element. The last one you have is the shadows element. That one is a complete mystery. There aren't many books on it because no one has had it for years. It's an ancient element, so don't get sad if you don't-"

Xinyung was cut off by surprise. Lucyndth didn't even have to touch the crystal for it to start glowing. It was like it was begging for Lucyndth's hands to come closer. Lucyndth picking it up caused a blinding light. Xinyung turned away and Lucyndth dropped the crystal as a response.

Xinyung looked at Lucyndth while opening the can of pop and laughing, "What a find! You truly are a treasure! An impeccable and amazing treasure!"

Lucyndth blushed while he was being showered with compliments. He was extremely happy about having control over the shadow element. He had to be someone special in his past life!

Xinyung and Lucyndth then spent time reading over the spells in the books Xinyung brought out with them earlier. Xinyung put on a small show by starting flames with his fingers and making them dance above the pages of the book. Lucyndth watched in awe but was disappointed when he couldn't do the same. After a few more tries, Xinyung decided it was best to try the next day. Night had already fallen.

"It's okay! We'll just work on it tomorrow!"

"If you say so. Is that room my room now?"

Xinyung nodded while gathering all their stuff. "I'm going to give you more blankets so that you're comfortable, but before you go to sleep you should cleanse yourself."

After Lucyndth got back through the window, Xinyung showed him to the bathroom. It wasn't anything fancy. There was a white sink with a cabinet mirror above it. The toilet sat beside the tub which had white shower curtains. Everything was simple.

"Turn left for warm water and right for cold.There is a regular body wash in there and some shampoo. Don't use my Irish Spring!" Xinyung threw a towel, a black t-shirt, and grey sweatpants at Lucyndth's face, "Your blankets will be on your bed when you get out of the shower..or bath. Whichever one you prefer."

Lucyndth locked the door after Xinyung left and started to fill the bathtub. He wanted to soak in a hot bath. He waited until the bath was full before he took off his clothing. Before getting in, he looked at himself in the mirror. Without all the loose clothing on his body, you could actually tell that he was a guy. He had a fit body.

Lucyndth sat in the bathtub- thinking about nothing in particular. After he had scrubbed himself and washed his hair, Lucyndth started to drift off. He fell asleep in the tub only to panic from seeping too low in the water. He gripped to the edge of the tub while hyperventilating. Memories of drowning flashing through his mind woke him up.

It wasn't like a regular flash back, no, there was something different about this flashback. Lucyndth kept flashing back and forth between two different places. Two completely different bodies of water kept flipping through his mind.

Lucyndth splashed some now cold water onto his face before getting out. Never again will he take a bath. Next time he'll just chose a shower.

Lucyndth attempted to dodge the wet spots on the bathroom tile. He didn't like that feeling on his feet. After drying off, Lucyndth dressed himself and made his way to his room. Before entering, he glanced across the hall at Xinyung's room debating if he should say good night or not. He decided not to.

Lucyndth jumped into his bed and started cuddling his fresh blanket Xinyung gave him. The night was silent and everyone had fallen into a deep sleep. Everything was peaceful.

Everything was peaceful until Lucyndth felt an incredible pain. His spine felt like someone had gotten ahold of it and was breaking it. Everything hurt. There wasn't a spot on his body that didn't hurt. Everything ached, itched, burned. It felt like flames had engulfed him, He screamed in agony.

Xinyung burst through the door and saw Lucyndth in pain. He ran over and sat next to him. "Hey! What's wrong!? What happened!?" Lucyndth couldn't move. The pain caused him to lay still on his back. The tattoo on Lucyndth's arm caught Xinyung's attention. It was glowing.

"I see… where ever you came from is calling back to you, my friend." Xinyung made symbols with his hand and pressed on the tattoo, causing all of Lucyndth's pain to stop.

Lucyndth was panting, covered in sweat. His body was now sore. He tiredly looked over at Xinyung, "th...thank you." A sigh of relief escaped his lips.

"I think we're going to have to speed up the process of the blood deal and get to the underworld as soon as we can, or else we're going to have more nights like this!" Xinyung shook his head. He wanted to prepare Lucyndth a little more before they started their journey but it looked like they were going to have to speed up the process.

Xinyung got up to leave, "You should be good for the ni-" Lucyndth cut him off, "Stay. Please stay. Don't leave me." Lucyndth gave Xinyung pleading eyes. He didn't want to be alone. He was scared of something else happening.

Xinyung sighed. How could he possibly say no to those puppy dog eyes? Xinyung walked back over to Lucyndth and sat on the bed, forcing Lucyndth to move over. There wasn't much room on the bed.

"I'll leave when you're sleep, deal?"

"Okay"

"Did you use my Irish Spring?"

"Uhmmm.."

"Don't try to deny it. I can literally smell it on you."

Lucyndth laughed and they continued to talk about anything and nothing.

Lucyndth stared at the ceiling for some time before closing his eyes. Xinyung was about to get up and leave before he heard Lucyndth speak. "Xinyung, can you tell me what love is? I want to know how to love."

There was a moment of silence before Xinyung answered. "I don't know what love is. I can't love. I'm a demon, remember?" Lucyndth looked over at Xinyung and saw a smirk on his face, but there was sadness in his eyes. Xinyung longed to know how it felt to love.

Xinyung continued, "But when you've found love, I want you to come back to me and tell me how it feels. Okay?"

Lucyndth nodded and smiled, "Promise."

Xinyung fell asleep before Lucyndth did. They both ended up falling asleep- Lucyndth hogging all the blankets and Xinyung almost falling off of the bed.

Later that night, Lucyndth awakened in the middle of the night to feel something holding him. He looked down and saw Xinyung's large arm wrapped around him. He let out a small squeal and squirmed around in surprise. Lucyndth could feel Xinyung breathing down his neck and his chest pressed against his back. He had one leg resting in between Lucyndth's thighs.

This was the definition of uncomfortable and awkward. Lucyndth didn't know if he should just go back to sleep or if he should move. Lucyndth felt a feeling in his stomach that he couldn't explain and blood was rushing to his face. He took a few deep breaths and decided to roll with it. This was normal...right?

Xinyung had woken up to something moving underneath his arm. He opened his eyes to see that he was holding Lucyndth. Unlike Lucyndth, Xinyung didn't mind as much. He had woken up in a strangers house in a bed filled with six people he didn't know once before, so this wasn't much to him. He glanced down to see Lucyndth's red ears and smirked.

He had a devilish idea. Xinyung leaned into Lucyndth and grazed his lips across his neck. Lucyndth jumped.

'It wasn't on purpose. It couldn't possibly have been on purpose. He's sleep, so he couldn't have did that on purpose.' thoughts raced through Lucyndth's mind.

Xinyung did it once more, but this time he let his lips settle on Lucyndth's skin for a little bit longer. Xinyung was joking around at first but a sudden urge to taint Lucyndth's pale skin with his lips came across Xinyung's mind.

He leaned into Lucyndth's ear and whispered, "We won't talk about this tomorrow. Don't feel special, okay? I haven't been in bed with someone for so long. Sorry to say, but I'm just using you for tonight. I'm a demon, what do you expect?"

Lucyndth made a jumble of quiet noises in response. He didn't know what to say or how to feel. This guy was practically a stranger. Couldn't they at least get to know each other some more? What was Xinyung going to do!?

"Don't worry, I won't go too far."

Xinyung leaned into Lucyndth's neck and pecked him a few times. Lucyndth stopped over thinking and gave into the sweet torture. Pecking turned into sucking. Xinyung was now leaving bruises on Lucyndth's neck. He didn't want to do this to this innocent kid, but it was his nature. He was a demon. Or maybe Xinyung was just using that as an excuse.

Xinyung's hands found their way under Lucyndth's shirt and rubbed his soft stomach before pulling him in closer. Something hard poked Lucyndth's back and he jumped.

"Shh-It's okay." Xinyung whispered into Lucyndth's ear. Lucyndth turned around to face the monstrous demon. His face was red and he had a look of confusion in his eyes. A look of innocence.

Xinyung looked Lucyndth in his eyes before fully pinning him down underneath him. He leaned into his already bruised neck and again gave it no mercy. Lucyndth moaned as a response. It felt good. It felt amazing. Lucyndth gathered all his courage wrap his legs around Xinyung and pull him in and peck right under his chin.

Xinyung pulled away and looked at Lucyndth with a fire in his eyes. He grabbed Lucyndth's leg and started leaving a trail of hickeys. He got closer and closer to his sensitive spot, but he kept his promise and skipped over it and lifted Lucyndth's shirt to kiss his stomach.

Xinyung's fire had died down after coming to the realization that he shouldn't be doing this. Lucyndth was obviously confused with his sexuality and he was just too innocent. If Xinyung continued on then Lucyndth would be hurt when Xinyung explains to him that it wasn't out of love, but out of lust. He was just in the moment.

He looked down at Lucyndth who was looking at him longingly. 'No, don't look at me like that. Don't look at me like you like me. I'll start to feel bad.' Xinyung cursed the sweet look on Lucyndth's face.

Xinyung sighed and rolled off of Lucyndth. He got up and walked out of the room without saying a single thing.

Lucyndth sat in complete and utter confusion. Spots all over his body stung from where Xinyung had kissed them. Yes, he was confused, but that didn't mean he wanted Xinyung to stop.

Lucyndth sat up in his bed and took deep breaths. He was gathering all the courage he had to do what he was about to do. This is what he wanted, he was sure of it! Before he could overthink and second guess anymore, Lucyndth got up and walked over to Xinyung's bedroom.

He was going to knock but decided to walk right in. He opened the door to see Xinyung staring back at him.

"What?" Xinyung asked sarcastically.

"Wh-why did you leave me alone?"

Xinyung didn't answer. Lucyndth walked over and climbed into the bed. Xinyung didn't stop him.

"If you know what's best for you, you'd go back and pretend nothing happened." Xinyung turned away from Lucyndth.

A wave of depression came over Lucyndth. He sat there in silence before climbing to the other side of Xinyung and snuggling against his chest. Lucyndth never questioned Xinyung's words. Neither of them said anything for the rest of the night.

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