1 Depression part 1

Finding yourself

Depression part 1

23/07/20

Dear Diary,

after all the arguments I have told you we have come to this ... loneliness that turns into depression.After you get used to it it becomes your new roommate, when you wake up, every day is the same as the previous one, as the time every single piece of happiness comes off your heart and then rot, it would seem the autumn period when the fruits come off the branches but in the end mine do not grow back Maybe there is something you need to know: it is almost impossible to recognize a depressed person, Why? It is simple what we show is not our being ourselves but only masks, barriers, which prevent us from feeling happiness, we have to change them on many occasions, we are real actors so to speak, in fact we do not point out the red eyes caused by several hours of crying on our pillow, what I often do is laugh, the size of the smile increases as much as that of sadness, in fact everything for us is false. What I always thought was that the problem was me not the others I was the wrong person and I thought that if I never existed everything would be better and no one would worry in vain for me. Every day I struggled with myself I wondered why I was like this or why I could not change, sometimes I spent long hours insulting myself in front of the mirror. My greatest fear was to disappoint someone. Nobody could understand how I feel and they don't expect them to do it, nobody could help me because I thought I would have done it alone and I would have come out victorious, but it was a matter of time because deep down I also knew that little by little soon everything would get worse.

But you have to understand me, I could not talk to anyone about it my family would have made fun of me and I had no friends, yes! maybe it's a bit pathetic but when I looked at the girls I noticed that they were all the same, they had to show themselves in step with the times and the boys always grouped together to discuss the same topics, I knew I was different I was very shy, but when I tried to get close immediately yes they moved away and forgot; you know now I really understand what it means: "you can't understand it until you try it", I was left alone for 12 years and the only thing I could do was stand and look behind a corner, everyone they ignored you, thinking everything was fine, but it wasn't. Then luckily, like a beam of light, I found some wonderful friends, a shoulder to cry on, people who really knew how to listen to me, stayed close to me and together we are walking this long path avoiding the obstacles that leave you heavy and painful scars to bear. , an announcement that I want to give for people in the same situation as me, do not give up living, with your head held high, start over, do it for your dreams and look for, look for arms that can hold you,

the best way to overcome it is to talk to those people who are at the bottom of your list, each of us can do something and change those ugly ideals that are still in society, you too have the right to feel loved

We will always be with you, step by step we will succeed

With love, your most sincere confidants.

Part 2

Loneliness ... depression ...

Loneliness, depression.

Two very different words but which have almost identical meanings.

To give us an idea, depression is a very serious disease that affects people who in the past or even today have or have had problems in the family or elsewhere.

It is really difficult to try to be strong with a disease as serious as it, but you have to be brave to fight against your life.

I honestly have never had depression, but sometimes I feel a blank in my mind, now in fact I will give you examples of things that have happened to me in the past.

First of all when I was a child when I was two my parents divorced, and for me it was not very easy to deal with this thing, on the one hand I was really sad, but on the other I felt a sense of anger.

The other thing that really makes me sad is that most of the time my mom and I fight, but not as mom and daughter where sometimes normal fights are created ... No ... We also fight heavily and sometimes he also gets angry about useless things, this could be bullshit but it makes me really sad to argue with a person in this case my mother whom I love so much.

Third thing I want to tell you is that I had a wonderful relationship with my grandfather ... I wanted him and I still love him very much today, the point is that when I was 7/8 years old he passed away and in a certain period near his death I always felt alone, I wanted to be alone, I saw black in my mind ... Only black ...

I didn't know if I should maybe confide in my friends or not ... I felt a bit lonely ...

And believe me, if you have never had a relative who has passed away, you must know that overcoming the death of a person you care about is not easy at all, you have to move on, because in life you go on even in the face of obstacles to overcome, and know that you will always have to strive to make your dreams come true.

But then something really nerve-wracking happened that made me think a lot ... And in particular I'm talking about my grandmother, who passed away at least three weeks ago ... So little ... My grandmother was a kind person, indeed ... Very kind, and we had a fantastic relationship, but then this year before Christmas he had an illness .. And in particular he lost his memory, she did not remember anyone, and the saddest thing is that she did not remember her niece, that is me ... I felt like crying, but in the end I realized that I had to forget everything and try to overcome the nightmare.

Now I'm telling you a little about what happened, but in reality a lot of things have happened to me in life, but I don't want to tell them all.

But now let's change the subject, now I'll talk a little about myself, in particular about how I managed to have self-esteem and believe in myself.

Until a few years ago I was a girl like the others, almost always alone, without friends, only friends ...

I was not very happy to have friends like the ones I had in elementary school, so always to continue the fifth grade I went to a high school, where nobody and I mean nobody calculated me, maybe some greetings when I entered the class, but I was always alone, sometimes I went to the school restrooms and shut myself up to reflect on myself, on what I lacked to be a normal girl for my classmates.

In that school something had changed, perhaps the Italian teacher, where at times I confided in her, but with those classmates I didn't want to express myself at all, I didn't feel at ease with them, and this is the reason why I was not with them ... But they didn't calculate me either.

As I repeat now these things I am talking about might seem exaggerated but in reality I am not, I am not depressed, but sometimes I feel bad, as if nobody accepts me for who I am.

But then I met two girls, two boys, whose names are , Amelia, Olivia Isla Federico and Checco.

Amelia , the clever one, with a really big heart.

Olivia , as sweet as a chocolate croissant.

Isla, the one who talks too much, nice and funny.

They calculate me, they are my real best friends, they don't make me feel excluded from their group, every day they make me smile, they are the friends that everyone should have, not like those who always exclude you, making you feel alone , they don't, we are four best friends and we really love each other ....

And then there are the males ...

Federico, too nice, always makes me laugh.

And Checco, I've known him for a long time and I love him !!!

At least I'm fine with them ... I don't feel alone anymore, because they are by my side.

I sincerely hope I never get depression ... but I know how it feels, you feel like nobody wants you, you cry all the time, even for no reason, you feel sad and at the same time angry, you try to be happy but in reality you become even more sad for no logical reason.

It is not easy to face such a serious illness, it is not easy to go on, but at least an effort must be made to do it ...

It's not easy...

But it's part of life ...

You always have to try to fight, because by fighting you learn a lot from life.

Having depression you feel completely excluded from what you define as "friends" but in reality if a person first becomes your friend and then slowly begins to exclude you and not talk to you anymore that is a false friend, and you have to understand it.

We have to learn about people and find the fake ones and the ones you can trust.

But we must never be fooled by people who pretend to be our friends just to use us!

They just want to make you sad!

But we have to prove ourselves strong in the face of false people.

And I have learned to believe in myself by being stronger and more confident.

I understood a lot of things, for example that if I want to do something I can do it, but first you have to try!

And on the other hand I understood that life is an obstacle course where you don't have to stop in front of a trial, you simply have to open your heart and overcome difficulties.

And today I am happier than ever, because I have learned that we have to live life from beginning to end, always being ourselves.

... And as the person I respect says:

"And if it's worth the risk, I'll stake even the last fragment of heart" ...

Sara ~

Part 3

Having it, I know how it feels. It's not easy. It's not just depressing. You can't know what it's like until you hear it, no matter how many stories you listen to. Stories are not only meant to be heard, but also to be told. Just like feelings. Feelings should be shown, not hidden. For those who don't have it, here's a small part of the scenarios for what it's like to have it. At least for me. I say or do something "wrong", then I'm asked Why are you doing it? "Or," Pft, what are you doing? ", Or even" You're weird. "My heart starts to hurt as I try to hold onto my feelings and try to respond in a way that will make me seem the nicest. from crying to saving it for later, I don't want to sound like a crybaby.

Next, a person goes out with a close friend of yours and talks to them a lot more than they do to you. They compliment each other a lot more when all they tell you is: I'd love to have you! ". And that's it. I also feel used to it since they always use the phone, just to use Snapchat filters to take pictures with your other friend. I feel left out. Like nothing has changed if I weren't alone ... It's just a small part of my life, what about those thousands of other depressed lives? They have different stories to tell. You want to cut yourself to ease all the pain. You want to die to end it all. Besides, what's the point of trying to live if you die Anyway? What's the difference? Well, you'll have the chance not to die sad ... but happy. Depression is a mental war, where only the strongest survive. The weakest, the saddest, give up. Sure, you can go to a therapist, a specialist, it doesn't mean they will end this war. They will only help you get stronger so you can fight better, they won't magically end it for you. Like I said, this is a war. Your war Not them hobbies, find a shoulder to cry on, find the light that's been lost. You can't force a smile, otherwise it's fake. You can't force laughter, otherwise it's fake. You cannot force happiness, otherwise it is false. The more you try to be happy while sad, the more it will just want to make you cry. Here's another thought, let's assume you've given up. . What will happen Who knows, maybe they won't care. Maybe they will cry. Perhaps, you will give at least one of them the same war you lost. Of course, though, you won't know, because you're dead. Life has no control points. Life has no savings points. You can't go back. What's done is done. It's not a game. It is not a movie. That's life. A gift. Don't look back to the past or the future. Look at the present, because it is what it is. A gift. Don't just listen to your insults. Listen to your compliments. Don't give up, be determined to carry on Because life is a gift. And if your friend or someone you know is depressed, help them win this war, don't win it for them.

I want to thanks to mi friend who wrote history with me, their wattpad accounts are Undertale File and @Benny_DemonGacha (〃^ω^〃)

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