7 Chapter 6:Freedom

I stand in the shower, watching the water run down the drain.

I might be late, but I don't really care. I don't feel like going today.

I mean I don't feel like going ever because It's school and it's ya know on a mountain. But usually I would get a thrill out of thinking about that octopus I have as a teacher.

He's an impossible target. That's what everybody says. But everybody has weaknesses. Everybody. Even the cold hearted people who seem to have no emotions.

If you press the right buttons, they'll fall apart. Like pressure points.

But today, not even that makes me feel better.

All I feel is the pit in my stomach and hole in my chest from the pain of losing the only person who ever cared about me. The pain of losing Liv never left and never even healed a bit.

Losing people that you love is the hardest and scariest thing ever. It drives you mad. You spend days and nights wondering that maybe if you had done something, like tried harder or seen some thing sooner. Things like that. Then maybe, just maybe, they would have still been alive. Here. With you.

I stretch my hands out to put them against the wall. I let my head fall between them and take deep breathes. But I can't manage to get work in my lungs.

I fall to my knees as I try to grasp onto any air I can. My vision goes blurry as the world around me spins.

"Miss?Your mother said-"Lidia stops as she sees that I'm on the floor through the glass. "Kourane!"

She rushes over as I cry completely collapse.

"Breathe, dear, breathe."She turns off the water and grabs my hand. She pats me on the back soothingly.

"I...I'm Fine, Lydia."I gasp, my voice sounding raspy.

This is nothing new. I get like this whenever Liv's death day or birthday come up. I'm used to it.

"No you're not dear. Just listen to the sound of my voice, alright?"Lidia calms me. I nod as a response. "You are strong, Kourane. One of the strongest people I know. You're courageous and always manage to put up a brave face. You can get through this, honey."

My breathing slows and I take good deep breathes. I nod at her words slowly. She's right. I am strong. Physically. Mentally and emotionally? Not so much.

"Thank you, Lidia."I slowly get up while she holds my hands as support.

"Of course, darling. I'm only doing my job after all. Now let's get you all nice and cozy so you can feel better."She smiles at me as she hands me the towel she brought.

I nod and take it from her. I wrap it around myself and walk slowly, still taking deep breathes.

We make it to my room and I sit down in my bed.

"I put tea and scones next to your bed, Kourane. The tea will calm you down, dear."She takes out my uniform while I grab the cup carefully. I hope I don't spill it with my shaky hands.

"Lidia I can grab my own clothes. You don't have to."

"It is fine, dear. This is my job."She places the uniform next to me and then sits down in front of me.

"Maybe you shouldn't go to school. You look shaken up."

"No, it's fine. I'm fine. I promise. Mother wouldn't allow it anyway."I bite a scone after spreading butter on it and take another sip of tea.

"If she knew what happened she would."

"Maybe."I say, looking down at the cup of tea in my hands.

Suddenly, the doors open. My mother, wearing a long royal blue dress and her hair in a bun on her head, walks in.

"Kourane, you are going to be late. What in the world is taking you so long?"She says, walking over to me and Lidia. "And you're still lounging around? Lidia, why haven't you done anything?"

My mother's angry expression turns to look at a very annoyed looking Lidia. Although Lidia owes my mother for taking her in, she doesn't always get along and doesn't especially like her. And she hates his she treats me sometimes.

"I apologize, Madam. But Kourane had a panic attack. I was just making sure she was ok and waiting for her to calm down."Lidia says, her face not showing any hint of the anger I know she's feeling.

My mother turns to me, her expression looks softened. "You had a panic attack?"

She knows I get a lot of those this time of year.

"Yes. I did. But it's nothing and I'm fine." I stand up and start changing into my uniform.

"Are you sure?"she asks.

"Yes, Mother."

She looks at Lidia, then back at me, and finally turns around. "Alright, then. Hurry up so you aren't late."

"I know, Mother."I respond.

She walks out of the room, closing the doors behind her.

Lidia turns her gaze away from where my mom was and looks at me. "Have you gone mad? You were trembling and shaking, Kourane. You are far from fine."

"I'm over it. I can't let something as little as that hold me back. And you heard my mother."

I finish putting on my uniform and grab the towel to dry the wet ends of my hair.

Lidia shakes her head and sighs. "Oh Kourane. How I wish I could give you the freedom you deserve."

I stop crying my hair and drop the towel on the bed. I look down at my hands. They look paler then usual. And I can still see the wrinkles you get when you shower.

"If I deserved freedom, I would've gotten it already."I grab my hairbrush from my nightstand and start untangling my knotted hair. Thankfully, it doesn't get too tangled, so I finish quickly.

"Maybe, maybe not."Lidia replies. "I'll leave you to get ready."

I nod and she walks out of the room, leaving me alone.